Changed

Posted byMoushmi RadhanparaPosted inIt's how life is!, Ramblings of my mind.Tags:, , , , , , , , , , ,

It was not always like this. I was not always like this. Something has happened that has made me realize that I have changed over the years and I am stunned how could it possibly have happened?

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I used to be the person who would comply to you with so much ease, you’d wonder that how can she be so easy going? I was the person who would be the sweet, docile person who was good to talk to. You could see my yearbook and would find few words consistently on all the pages written by all my friends, “Sweet, cute, polite, respectful, friendly”

And today, I am truly horrified at myself. I am nothing of the words that my old friends use to describe me with. I am not friendly anymore. I seem to have attitude issues even though I call it self-respect. I don’t comply with everyone these days. I will just not listen to anyone if he is wrong or right saying that this is my life and why should he interfere in it. Previously I would listen to him and might as well agree with but these days it’s suddenly “my life.” I am not proud of myself and am justly perplexed at my behavior.

Not everything is debauched about this. Sometimes things are wonderful because I am able to take my own stand. But where did the old ‘She’ go? And this new ‘She’; is it for good or for bad?

 

Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog https://aestheticmiradh.com/ and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

42 thoughts on “Changed”

  1. You have only one key responsibility in life: figure out who you are and be that person. It’s more than a handful to achieve this but if you don’t at least try, then you will never be happy. What you describe is good, in my opinion. It is “you” figuring out that everything is not okay and the “you” you need to be is going to attempt to be more honest about your life than perhaps you once were. Kind regards and good luck, MSOC

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  3. I am totally with you on that my friend …and then also reached a place of feeling a sense of pride in being able to be my own being …who doesn’t have to comply to be able to know that I am good. So keep going, your own way, lovingly and courageously. You will find plenty who would want to be with you and also you would love to be with them!

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  4. maybe the other she was being viewed through eyes that are now matured and realistic. the other she is , most likely, still with you and maybe you are just pushed her aside for now. or maybe you have realized the other she is no longer needed as much as the more recent she is. i am just guessing as i dont know you well and only as you present yourself here. what i see here is a most awesome woman and i am looking forward to knowing more about her. the good and the not so good.

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  6. You are still that same old person. But perhaps you grew up a little and obviously certain things changed. Having an opinion, speaking your mind, likewise are never wrong. You do understand that you make out the difference. You understood the change. You felt that you might have become a little bit different. You realised. This is what defines you. Most of us don’t even realize that how much we have changed and how much we are different from the old self a few years back. But it’s always important to understand where we stand and where do we want to see ourselves in a few years from now. So, more power to you. If you feel that you need to change back to your old self, you can do that, I mean you can try. But I am guessing you won’t really like that because you will be pretending to be the idea of some nice person you have in mind. This pretending, is never good in my opinion.
    In short, what I want to say is, be yourself. Be it the changed you or the old you, what matters is you are true to yourself and are happy with the person you are becoming.

    P.S. Really sorry about the looooooooong comment. I got carried away. Got too philosophical, did I? And frankly I don’t know anything about it. I am doing it again. 🙈
    Anyway, take care. 😊

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    1. HA HA HA
      Agreed! Even I don’t like to pretend being anyone else. I am happy being who I am whether the old version or the new.
      Thank you for sharing your views. I am glad you took out the time to read and tell me what you think about it.

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  9. I can relate. Sometimes, life just throws itself in your face and leaves you wondering what just happened. But, it’s all a part of growing up, isn’t it? I read somewhere that “we don’t change; we only become more ourselves.” I wonder if that’s true. All the same, hope things start making sense and fall into place soon. Till then, keep smiling and embrace the change. 🙂

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  10. I did not read all of the comments so I apologize if this is a repeat. Stepping out and seeing this change, this “new you” and being conscious of it is an incredible thing! To be that self aware is extraordinary. Life is built on change. The only question you need to ask is how you feel about who you are. Every moment is an opportunity to show the world who you are. This kind of self reflection is the best way to be the real you. Know that you will make mistakes, forgive yourself. Know that others will make mistakes, forgive them. Being self aware, aware of others emotions are the true keys to happiness. It sounds to me like you know who you really are. Embrace that you. Love and trust yourself, you are as you should be.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your opinion on this. I cannot say I know myself thoroughly, for I am yet in search of myself but I can surely say that with change in me I fall in love with myself even deeper and I have no regrets for who I am today; whether people like it or not. So here, I have said it! I don’t care what others feel or think about me; I am happy for who I am and do not mind any bit of the changes in me.
      Thanks again for your lovely words..

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Your perception holds importance for me.

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