I have a Marathi friend whom I recently wished ‘Gudi Padwa’. It is their beginning of New Year just as some of us celebrate in on 31st December. I texted him my heartiest wishes with all the warmth in my heart, being the excited one that I am. And all I got in return was ‘I hope you have an amazing year ahead, but I am not allowed to celebrate this year.’

I then got to know that his old grandmother passed away a few months ago and he could not celebrate let alone enjoy any of the functions for a year as the custom says.

Oaky, most of us go through this and have to abide by the rules but then something still strikes me hard. First of all the very word ‘Allowed’ shakes my nerves to the core. I mean why would someone have to be allowed to do anything? He or she has his own life and should he not have the freedom to decide what he/she wants do.

So it is customary to mourn of a year? But what if the person is yet not out of the mournful period and not want to celebrate life? What I believe is mourn as much as you want, until you have moved on. One may not want to celebrate anything even after a long year because he or she still misses the beloved. One might still want to celebrate even if a year has not passed away, the reason may be he was not close to the person, he was happy that the person was free at last from the tortures of the hospital and the old age, or even that he has simply moved on with life. The person had to go and he could not stop him. But then what stops him from celebrating life? Just customs and beliefs.

My friend here did love his grandmother but she was pretty old and the last few days were too troublesome for her, for any of us to go through the pains and when at last she passed away everyone was sad but then nothing could have been done. So they mourned and finally moved on.

But the sad part was they did not celebrate festivals just to portray to the other society members they cared enough.

I am not saying what they should have done. Many people still believe into many rituals and if they are fine with it then why not, but all I felt sorry for was because they did all this, went through all the troubles for a whole year just to prove to somebody else, our dear society.

My friend wanted to desperately celebrate his new year, for it is the only thing that mattered to him, after of course his birthday but sadly he did not only because he was not ‘allowed’ to celebrate the day.

Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

40 thoughts on “Allowed?

  1. So true that it hurts!!! Would you believe in some parts of india, widows aren’t “allowed” to attend their own children’s wedding because it’s believed it would bring bad luck!!!!
    Who says we are free, we still are fighting for freedom…….

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow, that’s a tricky situation I mean I completely get your point but then if he did choose to celebrate he would, I am guessing, as I didn’t know about this “rule”, be looked upon as disrespectful and maybe his parents would too? Is that correct? If so, maybe it’s more to protect his family from being ostracized that he went along with the rules. Either way I totally feel ya!! Just stinks he is in that position. I agree with your other followers and want my loved ones to laugh at my funeral and afterwards focus on happy times and be happy in their own lives always!! Sorry I wrote a darn novel but I found this a fascinating post 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment.
      I agree, I would want people to celebrate life after me and not to keep mourning.
      And sure he was in a very tricky situation, and in the end his love for his parent won over his love for celebrating his new year.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey Moushmi !! Nice to meet you .. I could totally relate to the traditions you are talking about,same happened at my home when my grandma passed away but we celebrated every festival even if not very joyfully but to continue the festivals celebration and believed that it’s better not to put burden of our sadness on those who already left us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I so agree. What’s done is done, who’s gone is gone, and I am pretty sure they don’t want us to be hung up on them and not enjoy the joyous moments of life.
      What more I am not against the year long mourning traditions, I am against the time bound thing, I mean how can one decide if he can be over the grief in that period. I might chose to mourn for more than a year and i might chose to be all over it in a month or so. It’s on me, and should not be on the society.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Right,I totally agree if mourning is there ,it could for whole life but a person can’t remain sad every day.Everyone needs to move on and yes society is the calculator of your feelings ,so can’t do anything on that part apart from ignoring.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I had a good friend in the teaching business who told me that his mother wanted him to throw a party after her funeral. She wanted everybody to “enjoy life.” She died at 92. He threw the party. I attended. We all had a great time. We talked a great deal about his mother and her wonderful life.

    It would be nice if we could place a cultural standard such as that the world over. And if we wanted to make it legal, then a person could sign a paper that says: Do whatever you must do to celebrate life after my demise.

    This is a fascinating post. Aren’t we humans the most amazing things?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know,
      Thanks for your lovely experience.
      I completely agree with you. If I were dead I wouldn’t want anyone to miss celebrating their life for me. I wouldn’t even want it if I am alive. i would want them to really party hard and celebrate. Miss me but not your life’s what could be the best moments.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am sorry
    It’s your friend’s fault
    If he wanted to celebrate then why he did not
    Allowed word comes from us , there is no hard and fast rule in our religion
    It’s up to you hw you deal with it
    I am sorry for interruption
    But truth is that if anyone don’t want to follow any ritual then he/she can quite


    1. Thanks for your opinion dear.
      But sometimes we just can’t chose between two things. May be for him his parent’s wishes were more important than to celebrate. I am just guessing. And also, it is quite difficult to be under all the criticism.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. What you said was right.But What can we do.Still believing in lot of ignorant methods.But even you want to celebrate something irrespective of someone’s should have guts.Because other stereotypes may think that we are some kind of monsters living in this world.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I very much respect our culture and traditions. After all, this is what India is made up of. But when these rituals coincide with the logical thinking, it makes me uncomfortable.
    Following something just for the sake of the period it has been there in existence doesn’t make any sense to me. Follow it if you believe in it. Also, nobody should be forced to follow a tradition. So, yeah I don’t have anything new to add in here. All I can say is that `i agree with you, Moushmi!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by,
      And I know there might not be nothing new to add from your side but I am more glad to hear that more and more people agree that it is about individuality than just following other’s beliefs.

      Liked by 1 person

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