I plead, Guilty!

Meeting a very old friend is a special thing, even more when you don’t get enough time to spend with friends. I for that matter get very little time to do so and when I do I tend to make the most of it. Partying isn’t my type of fun; I can have fun and enjoy myself over just a cup of coffee. Talking matters to me, not dancing where I can’t even hear the person.

One of my friends was in town and I had barely made time to meet him, cancelling and cancelling again. Thankfully, he is one of my only friends who literally understand how working life works unlike the one we had back in school days. He didn’t mind all that much but I was guilty and I knew it. Somehow I made up time and made a random plan and that was it, we finally met after a long-long time and I had to say we had a gala time.

Well, I am not guilty for meeting him. It is something else that is haunting me. We were talking nonsense basically, about tomorrow, today and yesterday when suddenly he brought up a person in the conversation that I had not intended to. My friend here has no idea about my feelings towards that person and kept rambling on. And in the midst of those rambling I deciphered that this man has broken up with his dear girlfriend. And I am ashamed to say that for a second I felt elated. I don’t know why but I just felt so, and the moment I realised about my inner feelings I came back to reality and screamed at myself for being so selfish and senseless. I plead, I am guilty here. How can I be happy when something worse happens to someone, that someone being in my good books, for whom I would never want anything depressing to happen.

Okay I had nothing to do with that man in the past, we were just acquaintances, yet I wouldn’t relate it to a silly high school fling, for it affected me in a deep way then. Whatever it was it was in the past, and today in no way does it bother me or even concern me, but then why, even for a split second, did I feel happy at someone else’s misfortune?

PS: I just had to let everything out, I am sorry if it hasn’t been a worthy read. I just wrote it and posted it without any corrections. Please bear with me.

Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog https://aestheticmiradh.com/ and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

61 thoughts on “I plead, Guilty!

  1. I too posted something like this and believe me sometimes just letting the pen talk is a great feeling.. I am sure that you must be feeling relieved after writing this and posting…
    From all of us.. Each and every post is valuable.. So don’t feel like this.. and yaa we will bear with you.😅

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It is wonderful to see that the moment you got to know about your inner feelings.. even though somewhere or the other it was wrong of you but still you gathered courage to share your feelings with us people… but the most important thing is you realized and you didn’t want to be that way:)))

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Moushmi,i want to tell you honesty what i feel after reading this.if i am wrong in deciphering the right message please pardon me.I think that so called FRIEND is not your friend in the past. i mean he was something more special than that,it seems like you have feelings for him.But you also said that you dont want to here about some OTHER PERSON.probably THE OTHER PERSON you dont want to hear about was his girl friend. Thats why you are sad.because when someone had feelings on one person,if he likes other person.YOu obviously gets jealous or unhappy.Its normal.When he said they had broken up and at the same time little sad.ITS CONflict between your heart and brain.You are happy because noe you may have a chance ,and sad because your dearest person is sad. (ok,if i am wrong i am sorry,but thats what i felt when i read that.it may be wrong too but i thought of expressing).

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I think I am hundred percent right..but you are not accepting that..every Girl is same..they just hide things up.I can understand the pain.But it’s ok..Time is a healer.still we have future..who knew what may happen..maybe he will come back to you..or maybe you will find another one..just wait..

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t want him back.
        For now I am satisfied with myself. And honestly I don’t think every girl is same. Every one wants to keep talking about herself but I don’t like to talk much about myself.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. But you will talk about yourself in your mind know??? I am not saying every girl..I am just giving generalized statement…can I say one more thing?? If you don’t want him back..you wouldn’t have wrote that post!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Are you ever going to let it go? :-!
        I mean it’s okay, I seriously don’t want anything back from my past. I have lied it once, why would I want to relive any of it even in a different manner. Past is past for a reason. I am waiting for a glamorous future 😀

        Liked by 1 person

    1. HONESTLY exactly the same, I felt to share after reading this random rant. No or lesser its exact to the point. But I believe sometimes we need to talk rather than keeping it to ourselves because unsaid things stay with us forever, nothing more that I should here as I know you are pretty intelligent to get what I mean.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. The fact that you immediately realized it shows how noble you are and that according to me matters the most and is the true reflection of the real you….each of us has mixed set of traits…good and bad…and the characteristic which dominates us the most is what describes us eventually. Dont be so hard on yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think it is the action which is harmful..bad thoughts come every other day..but stopping that thought before it does any harm is what we should do..and you did that exactly..so chill out..

    Liked by 1 person

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