And so they don’t like me now!

I was sitting with my cousin and my aunt in their house, munching snacks and having a relaxed time over a cup of tea. We were having a blast, my cousins who have come all the way from Gujarat are really chirpy and can make you feel instantly at home anywhere, even if they are themselves not at home, and my aunt surely enjoys their company. Whenever they come over it is like the house is full of people, despite them being only two teen girls.

One of them just went upstairs to bring something to show me and that was enough for my aunt to start on me. She definitely likes to know everything going on in my life, and I on the contrary hate telling her or any one for that matter everything going on in my life. I can tell you just the thing you know but not every petty thing. So somehow we landed on the topic of girls being educated which made her say that she wants a “Beautiful, educated wife for her son who would stay at home and look after everyone.”

I could have made 1000 jokes on this and let it go but I could not, just as I am never able to let it go. I tried to make her understand what she was asking for and yet I could pass nothing into her chained minds. For her education is important but when it comes to utilising it, girls aren’t meant to do it. I mean do these people even understand themselves what they are asking for? They want an engineer homemaker for an engineer man, a doctor for a doctor, a management student for a manager? They want a girl to spend years and years educating her, working so hard to bring her to certain level and when the time comes to marry, they want her to leave it all behind and shove her degrees in the store room.

I respect completely stay at home moms or wives who choose to not work for their families, but the respect only extends to those who CHOOSE it, it turns to pity for them and disgust for their family members just the moment I get to know that the decision was forceful.

I know this brings us to another statement put up- ‘FIGHT FOR IT’.

What do you think? Women don’t? Of course they do, but somewhere down the line, there are many boundaries, emotional or otherwise which she just can’t cross or is forced again not to cross. If a man says he understands all this, I am sorry I am not going to believe it. I think you do not understand a person’s feelings unless you have been through them.

So there I was trying to justify myself but it was very clear that I was speaking Latin to a person who understood only plain Sanskrit.

Before the discussion changed into a heated argument my cousins took over and there was no further chance to discuss anything else, but my aunt’s curt replies and behaviour made it clear that she didn’t like my presence anymore, so making some excuse to my cousins, I left bidding them good bye.

I could not stand being in the wrong. I could not help being there, feel disgusted. The fact that I was trying to explain my point, talk up to my aunt made her feel that I was in the wrong then how are we supposed to make them understand things that are beyond their understanding?

We think that we can change these people, these circumstances but I don’t think so. We will fail until we have such people (MEN AND WOMEN) in our lives.

I don’t care if she doesn’t like me, now that I have raised my voice, put forward my opinion in front of her; what I care about is I like myself. I know I didn’t change her mind, but had I just taken it all without even trying, putting a little bit of effort, I would have hated myself. I failed but at least I tried. Well, that is what I am trying to say to myself and keep calm.

Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

61 thoughts on “And so they don’t like me now!

      1. All this is due to mumma’s serials and all😂😂… Btw I was born in Udaipur so some influence is there.. and moreover languages like Gujarati, Haryanvi, Malvi and local dialects in Rajasthan are almost similar…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hindi only… But I know Hadoti, Marvadi, Mevadi and some of Gujarati and Haryanvi, and very little Oriya and bhojpuri too…
        Mostly because of multilinguistic nation and college mates from all around the country… Oh I forgot to mention German 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      3. They say French is the easiest of All foreign language…
        I also at first didn’t wanted to get enrolled but it is mandatory in college to take atleast 1 foreign language…from Chinese, Japanese, French,German or Korean….
        You can take now also … Its a great experience believe me😉

        Liked by 1 person

  1. So true. I hate it when people speak along these lines too. A woman’s career is as much important as a man’s and it’s not destined to end up chained to the boundaries of a house. It’s sad that many people still think that women are duty bound to give up their jobs “to look after the family”!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. stay strong and keep your voice for you are right and they are just living in the past, which may be good for some, but not others and i feel, one should respect the difference

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s not just there it’s everywhere . Same in the Asian community. It’s called marrying in the same circle . Family and career don’t mix . It’s either or. I’m trying to be a stay at home wife. It’s hard when you want to challenge your brains.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I love learning new stuff and challenge my brains. I do have one and spent 4 years at uni and years working to gain experience. I stayed at home when I had babies and picked up part time when they went to kinder. It’s very hard in my field to stay away for too long. I’m lucky that my husband can support me. It’s pretty much my choice to go to work. He’d rather me at home to cook him nice meals and to keep his bed warm. He hates it when I work and the household is a mess. But then he can’t stand me frustrated either.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You have a lovely husband, dear.
        At least he tries and understands you. The fact that he respects your wishes is what many women would die for.
        I think, this is a choice which every woman should have, no matter what!
        A child is a responsibility of the two, and not the mother alone.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. When it becomes unbearable, remember your blog friends are here to read your vent. Thank you for sharing. Your story bears resemblance to traditional expectations for women in my country too. Hopefully as more women realize their potential to contribute to the world’s advancement previously dominated by men, there will no longer be a women’s fight, but rather a side-by-side, shoulder-to-shoulder collaboration with no gender distinction. For the family. For the world.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. It’s such a complex question that it’s getting worst day by day.

    I am of the view, that someone needs to give full time to the children and if the parents are of the view that girls should go to a professional degree than it should complement respective field. Like teaching and doctor.

    I am not saying one shouldn’t go to any other field.

    But my own wife, she was a banker at a good management position. But when we married, she said I don’t want to work she was exhausted and tired.

    I never forced her to do or make something out of her experience to leave like this. She was at a very good position.

    But I am glad she took that decision, we are giving homeschooling to my daughter and she will be the best teacher my daughter could have had.

    It a difficult situation, when one get married a lot of responsibilities comes in. The other issue is the cultural setup in the Asian communities which add more pressure on couples.

    The couples might don’t have issues, but other have it, and will not make them do decision if their own.

    Wish you all the best, that’s all I can say

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much.
      I really appreciate you thoughts.
      All I want to add is that it is good for a woman to be a homemaker and a full time mother, but if she thinks that she can juggle between her professional life too, she should get the opportunity of it. there ought to be no regrets.
      That is all I can say.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes it should I would say, I know many people does that. Some do half day jobs. And taking care of family as well.

        It’s a tough job I must say!

        My only concern is the future generation, Because men can take care of kids how a mother can, no matter what!

        So if we go against the nature we bound to have issue. That’s my view point.

        Rest I can’t stop anyone not to do anything!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. It’s just so crazy for me to think that the man wouldn’t want you to work too for practical financial personal security and lean toward encouraging you at least work if you so desired and could afford to stay home. Also doesn’t the man wish for you to never stop learning regardless of how you are evolving as a person but that you always move forward in life with an open mind! I think that would certainly make more of an interesting life companion to converse and hang out with! Sorry but you pushed a hot button with me as the woman should be able to make her own choices but with the love, respect and support of her spouse! Me, I would have loved to had been able to be a stay at home Mom but I sure as heck don’t think that needs to be mandatory, etc. as we are all different for a great reason. Sorry ..,

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree with your post here. From my personal experiences, there was a huge gap between my careers. It was my choice as I waited till my kids grew up. Though initially it was difficult, I accepted it as the way it is. Women educated or not should have their own dreams and career choices whatever it may be. It is their right.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. They don’t like you now because you don’t fit in their definition .
    But to rest of the world.. progressive n inclusive.. likes u for what you are n what u stand for.
    World is changing so fast.. gender bias is for our previous generation only.. nobody from our generation thinks like that aunt.
    So.. don’t get so mad.
    Learn to ignore n focus on what you believe.
    How it looks to u is more important than how it WOULD look to others.
    Nicely written.. but this time its straight from ur heart.. like u had this bottled up for long..
    it conveys anger of most of the young girls around u..
    keep writing like this too..
    n bydway.. I m a Gujarati 😊
    Ekdum pakko amdavadi chu.
    Glad to know u r a gujju 👍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Mr. Amdavadi. I am glad you think this way, but I have to sadly state that there are still people in OUR generation too that think just like the aunt. Why go far, her son too thinks the same way. Also there are people that I know (near you, mostly Rajkot) that have the same definition of women. In fact I have cousins who ask me why did I even study so much and tings like that.
      I do ignore all the time, but then sometimes, it gets into my angry nerves and this is the only place where I can be me!!
      PS: A little warning if you are around you might see more of angry passionate posts from me. Coz I have literally 0 patience level!
      Anyways have a good day.
      Much love

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand n acknowledge ur anger.
        I guess things r different in Rajkot n Ahmedabad..
        being a Doctor I am surrounded by educated n progressive people.. that makes me wonder how can people think so regressive..
        it’s just about type of people u r surrounded by.. n that is not absolute..
        so.. just ignore what they think because their opinion doesn’t matter.. they are not d people who can influence you or anyone else except Bigots like them in Families only..
        you are so smart.. intelligent.. open hearted.. n outspoken.. you don’t need their approval for anything you do in ur life..
        keep smiling
        Keep writing good stuff
        I was out on vacation.. coorg Karnataka..
        I m planning to write travel blog about coorg.. lets see i can do it or not..
        aavjo .. 😊😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I will be waiting for that post, or you might have even posted it, I will just check it out.
        And you are right about being surrounded by people and I sure do not have any choice in that.
        Anyways, have a good day.!!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Busy reading satanic versus / half girlfriend/ god of small things.. kindle..
        recently downloaded 3gb of books.. hundreds of them.. classics ..
        I am on summer vacation. Till 23rd June.
        Will write something soon
        Keep smiling
        Keep writing 👍

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Seriously….. it’s such an exasperating topic for me having observed it at close quarters that it enrages me everytime….now i am in the bad books of many people due to this but dont care 😒 …. Glad you took the step… Let haters hate!

    Liked by 1 person

Your perception holds importance for me.

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