My story: Of how I started writing!

Posted byMoushmi RadhanparaPosted inHuman Nature, It's how life is!, My Reality Mirror, Ramblings of my mind.Tags:, , , , , , , , , ,

A few years back, back in 2010-2011 around, I wasn’t this person that I am today. I was scared of everything, I was may be the most immature person you would have ever met.   I had that talent in me, of hiding things, of hiding feelings. No one could tell then, not even my friends and family members. Come to think of it, I still have that talent, but I can safely say that I am not that person now, not anymore. I have moved out of that zone, for my own good.

It took me three years? Yes, I am that slow. I spent three years of my life crying and being helpless. I know you’d say, I should have known that no one is going to come and help me. I had to help myself. But I was lost then, and that’s what lost people do, they sulk. I am not saying my life stopped for those four years or so, it moved on very well. I went to school, I completed graduation, I did everything that most people my age did, but something was missing constantly.

I am sorry I am not going to mention what exactly happened, but I can mention three pointers,

A personal trauma relating family issues;

A social change,

And, being thrown into the ocean, when I did not know how to swim. (Metaphorically of course)

Anyways, my life moved on, yes it did, but I did not. I was in complete denial of what was happening. All at once.

Why did I not talk to anyone?

You think, I wouldn’t have? I did, but parents had raised a ‘strong woman’ who wouldn’t need her parents’ help every now and then, and my friend’s, well, they never seem to get me. Partying is more fun, I agree. It was not their fault. Whenever I would sit and want to talk to any one of them about my problems, it seemed they weren’t interested or at least they didn’t get me. And how would they, they weren’t in my position. Instead they felt that I kept repeating my problems, so I just stopped talking, stopped talking about my problems to them, and eventually I just stopped talking to them.

And then I lost all my friends too. I was in no way going to make new friends; I had lost faith in them.

I said them? Oh, sorry, I had lost faith in myself.

So that went on for about some time, and then I realised that my thoughts, my feelings were eating me. I couldn’t contain anything else inside of me now. I had to hold my fist tight, clench my jaws, breathe hard inside, to not to let out anything. And I could not let out anything, believe me, I just could not.

And even if I did, who would take that all in? Who would want to be surrounded by a depressed teen? Sorry, depression is a strong word, I was not depressed, but I was upset beyond means.

And that’s when I realised I had to do something, that’s when I borrowed comfort from a pen, loaned some security from the blank papers, fought for sanity from my own words, from my own feelings.

I am not saying it happened overnight, I am blatantly saying it might have taken me half my youth, but I did it. I came over it. I managed to conquer the harsh feelings my heart bore and I came out the person I am today, the Moushmi you all know.

That’s my story, that’s how I started writing, though blogging is what I started just a few months back. I would love to listen to your views, or better yet, how you started writing? What made you the writer you are today?

 

Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog https://aestheticmiradh.com/ and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

104 thoughts on “My story: Of how I started writing!”

  1. Even though I imagine the circumstances were different, my story is similar to yours. I was helpless and depressed for years ( but I didn’t go on with my life.) I experienced trauma, a social change, the loss of friends and an ocean I didn’t know how to swim in. I turned to writing for comfort and in an effort to cope. I can say that because of my writing I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  2. Wow this was so inspiring! My story is similar to this, except I didn’t carry on, I dropped out of college etc. I hope to be where you are one day, but still stuck in the depressive cycle! But I’m getting there. I’m writing, so that’s a start, right? Thanks for sharing you story. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. Thanks for reading it dear.
      I am glad you could relate. But I am also sorry that you are still in that phase. I hope you grow out of it soon.
      If at all I could be of any help, do let me know, even if I can talk with you and clear your mind!
      Thanks darling and take care.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. A very rough summer last year (and this summer is shaping up to be tough as well after a wonderful start) and heartbreak as well as a friend who encouraged me to write all were factors in my blogging. It’s not always easy to write what I am feeling or going through but I hope that it not only helps me but lets others know that they are not alone in what they are feeling as well. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Woahhhh! And you are finally doing what you wanted to. I can relate to you in how it took so long to get started. I had so much self doubt, and still have thinking how I will write something impressive in plethora of unique writers.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. Sometimes in life we always need that drop or downfall that forms the base for us to rise to certain peaks. Sad you and many of us face these downfalls with more bruises than what we deserve. A very good piece that reflects how you had started your journey of healing with your writings. Hugs to you Moushmi!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  7. Wow Moushmi i can so very well relate to your post. My story is same as yours the only difference is that this is my present situation. Writing is an escape for me from this depression and lonely phase of life.
    Hugs 💖

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Thank you sweta for commenting here, and telling me that you feel this way.
      Writing and reading does help, but if ever you need to talk to anyone, I am there. Please feel free to contact me.
      I wouldn’t want anyone to feel the loneliness that I felt then.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  9. It take lot of courage and determination to overcome all personal trauma and pain and in that writing out and expressing it all helps a lot. It worked for you and most of the time it works for all of us.
    I am glad you dared to share it with all of us and this post will surely inspire many of them.
    I started writing much later in my life. It was discovery for me and it surely blessed me with immense peace and calmness.
    Wish you all the best and hope you enjoy writing all your life.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Thanks vishal, writing sure helps, doesn’t it?
      And also for understanding that it does take a lot of courage to share this with everyone, and even to come out of that terrible zone.
      Thank you for everything 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  10. Well, you’ve been through a lot. But I am glad to see the resilient Moushmi bounce back on track. So happy you took up writing and it helped you to flush out the emotions eroding your inner self. Continue on this path. Lots of love and luck in all your endeavors 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  11. I always have thought of you as one who is much older than you obviously are! Your posts are thoughtful and full of insight. I think you have done a great job as a woman who is true to herself and hence to others. I’m so glad to know you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. Moushmi yr its amazing to read this post , i cant imagine what problem u faced but i found this post very positive 😍 like “everything will be good one day” and believe me its good u started writing and blogging …..and i just loved this 😍👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. A very honest piece of writing. So many are facing the same hopeless situation and they can not talk to anybody about it as you could not either. Life goes on and you have to move on but you seem only to crawl. It can take years to rewire yourself . Last time I felt similar I started to read classical literature, it contains so many messages from the past generations.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading this.
      I agree, books and literature do have something hidden in them that we do not see at first. They did help me a lot, but what is sad is that people in problems have no one to talk to.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  15. Pingback: My story: Of how I started writing! – Community United For Health And Prevention

  16. How old are you Moushmi? You certainly sound more mature than any girl your age. I am happy that you conquered the difficult times in your life. I wish you all the luck to be more successful in life.
    As for me, blogging started almost under similar circumstances. I was fresh out of college, clueless about what to do with my life. Then this blog happened and it actually transformed me. I owe the new me to my blog. You know like normal people had facebook to showcase their fabulous life, I had my blog to write about my not-so-fabulous life. and the best part was people understood me, they got me like no one ever did. I have been off and on to blogging since the past five years and it has been a great journey. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. I can relate with your feelings here, absolutely can.
      The ‘blogosphere’ as they call it has really been helpful and transforming. What more, if nothing people aren’t judgemental here.
      (A post that I did thanking everyone here, suits you too. “Why I love blogging”)
      As for my age, I am in mid twenties.

      Like

      Reply

  18. Wow….that was inspiring…mine is not so inspiring…i used to write since i was a kid…first it was stories in exams…you know where you get option to write an essay on a topic or create a story…i would write a story…then it was on my notebooks and later diaries…never on internet though….I started this blog only because my brother and sister kept annoying me to start…Its not that I am not interested in writing..rather I am super duper Lazy….so here I am ..started writing 2 months back…regularly and I am enjoying every bit of it….met a lot of talented people….and read a lot of poems and stories…I am truly grateful for you all………btw…..thank you for sharing your story….it was truly inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  19. Hmmm…I think many of the people have to go through this stage…especially in teens..even me.!! When god give me chance I want to erase my four teen years 14,15,16,17 from life..because that’s the worst period I had in my life.Like if something worst happened in life,I would compare with that four years and feel like better.kind of depression stage.Unable to cope up at that time.But what can we do,I think it reflects in my dreams.I always get dreams that I have missed ,which are meant to be happened much more better if I have taken some different decisions at that time.I am still finding the meaning of that four years.because when I see it back,I can see more bad things happen to me personally than good things.Hope that lessons will be useful in my life.I sometimes wonder,is that bad karma that’s hitting me back in my past life.because at that age we can’t do anything wrong which is of big size.Anyways now I am far better than that stage obviously.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. I am glad you are out of that phase,
      I don’t know if it’s karma or not, but it is what has happend in our lives.
      All we can do is learn from it and better our future.
      Good luck for that, hope things turn out in favour for you 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  22. Sorry that you went through some bad times but happy you overcame your depression and discovered you have a natural talent to write!! I will say that it has been many times a comfort to me to look back at the worst times in my life and know if I made it through that, I can overcome anything!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  23. This is a blatantly honest blog and I love how you have expressed yourself 🙂 Writing is always a healthy refuge for writers and it cleanses the soul 🙂 Now you have a wonderful blog with wonderful readers and that is a priceless blessing your pen has bestowed you with 🙂 May you write more beautiful pieces and reach to great heights 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  24. Hey ! You must be shattered to know that I had lived the miserable life as that of you lasting from mid 2015 to just a month before. I was a neophyte in the world of veterans. You could consider me the totally mentally damaged person but nobody can help you except you.
    At present moment my way of thinking has been changed. I am a calm and passive person now meanwhile I used to be a jubilant and enchanted before. Life is still flowing but I had acquitted the fear of loosing happiness and desire to achieve happiness on the verge of others😊😊

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  25. In my personal experience, I have always toyed around with words, since childhood. Expression through writing, be it poetry or any sort of verses, have fascinated me. However, I was not born a professional writer, and I became better and better with occasional writing as I grew up. Being younger, I was not a voracious reader and did not have a wide vocabulary. However, I loved writing. Finally, I came across English Literature as my graduation degree, and it helped rise my personality and my writing style to a whole another level. Writing is my solace and well as my greatest strength today. I am glad Moushmi, that it created a new path for you and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Hi Sukanya. I am so glad to have found you, that you liked my post, and the fact that writing is your strength.
      In a way I can relate with you, not being a reader as a child, but then English literature coming my way.
      Thank you so much for visiting and reading my post.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  26. Actually this virtual world taught me a lot…in a way shaped my notion in a better way…
    Life must move on whatever happens, earth won’t stop spinning if we are crying….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  28. I’m glad you can handdle that 👏 it is such an inspiring story. I myself feel that I am nobody once longtime ago before, now I think that everyone is special including myself. Everyone here or somewhere else is special and have talent. We just have to find it through our heart and journey of life.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I agree to you, it’s a journey and we cannot just stay at a place and mourn. We got to move on, but how, when, to where, is on each individual.
      Thank for sharing your story.
      And I believe each individual is special in his own way!

      Like

      Reply

      1. Well yeah it’s quite surprising.. I also feel the same way when my old friend said something he/she remember about me even it’s a silly thing, I was happy 😁 anyway.. hahaha..

        Liked by 2 people

  31. Well… looking at the positive side of it…all these made you realize your talent!!! Writing works wonders to the mind!! When you are alone and no one patient enough to listen to you and trying to brush their hands off you to avoid getting ‘bored’ listening to a depressed you, then pen and paper come to the rescue!! They are the best friends!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. Yeah….finding a patient ear is so rare!! I know, even a little bit of patience just to hear few words completely without cutting you off!! …but even this is a big ask apparently….and when it’s the other way round, they would expect you to listen a you do it too as you know how it’s like to talk to someone when depressed….😞

        Liked by 1 person

  32. Well done, it takes great courage to face yourself and realise our entire journey’s purpose is in fact doing that. The hardest thing we can do is understand our fears and realise their purpose.
    Yes, purpose…for in doing all that you have done the one thing that will change your world forever…loving yourself. We hold our walls up in all that we do, and those walls are our fears. In facing them you have loved yourself. Your fears ARE your way of saying ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I can’t do this’ etc. But you have faced them, understood them, …and now you can do whatever you wish ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. It takes a lifetime to fully understand and appreciate our fears. But it is the very act of doing that , that we realise we ARE loving ourselves by removing those ‘conditions’ (fears) in our lives.
        We spend most of our lives NOT facing our fears and that is the selfish part, it isn’t until we do truly begin to work on ourselves that we then become unselfish. We always give out what we are.
        If you are being unloving to yourself, that will reflect out to others around you. But if you are being loving to yourself, that too will be given out.
        The most loving thing you can do for others is heal yourself with that love…that is the truth of ‘unconditional’ love ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I hate to nitpick your otherwise agreeable post, but I would disagree that our “entire” journey is about facing ourselves. It is a vital step in wisdom, and perhaps the hardest one, too, but then we still need to turn our faces back to the world.

      I read once that in Buddhism that after a person achieves enlightenment they can break the cycle of reincarnation and stay in a spiritual realm, but some of them, like Buddha, return to the world out of compassion to show the rest of us the way out, too.

      Like

      Reply

  33. Thank you for the follow Moushmi. My journey is similar but took much longer to get to where I am now. My new blogging friends have been so lovely and supportive and I have made some wonderful connections from my blog. Lovely to meet you. Darren

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  34. Totally my story. I was in deeeep trauma for 4 years but maybe I was not so strong as you, so I could not do anything for 4 years, dropped my final stage of professional studies. And yes, nobody helped me for 4 years (Help? No one even called me to know how I was, what I was dealing with, why did I dropped at final stage even after being soooo clever). And yes, family added to my problems, not that they didn’t cared. It was just that they cared way too much and panicked looking at me and forcefullyyyyy took me to various places to make me heal (I did not needed any of those, infact they worsened my problems and my very existence). And friends remind me about my experiences with them. Believe me or not, last night I made a list of my BEEESSSSSTTTT FRIENDS whom I lost (they all never talk to me now and half of them even “hate me not only as a friend but as a person as well 🤐”. Do you want to know that qnumber. Don’t get shocked. Read 10 times to digest but you have to digest. It is true. “I LOST 22 BEEEESSSSSTESSSST FRIENDS”. I made so many friends because I lived in 3 different cities which included 1 school, 1 college, 5 coaching institutions, 1 training programme, 3 Paying Guests, 2 Hostels, 3 years of Arylticleship of my Profession course. To make it worse I even made friends on social medias – moonit and facebook (I have o friends on facebook now, 1 WordPress follower on Instagram. I removed all other friends on both apps. I hate those apps now. They are so superficial. Superficiality does not fly with me at all.

    But today, if I look back at journey of my life (It will complete 25 years on Nov 20), I regret nothing. Every hard times I faced, made me even more better person than I was before. I thank God for giving me the biggest trauma of my life for straight 4 years. It showed me true colours of everyyyyyyyone. No one was spared. No one. I saw everyone’s true colour and more importantly, I got to know myself in the best way possible. I did study myself, talked to myself everyday, questioned my purpose of being born, asked myself many questions to myself and got answers to almost every single question. Today, I am stronger than ever. I have spines of steel and ready to face even the extreme of situation if it happens to come my way and I am very clear in my head about what I want from my life and I will achieve it at any cost even at cost of my life.

    And I cannot end my journey of 25 years of my life without thanking WordPress and all my WordPress bloggers who have understood my emotions so well and always encouraged me in even the smallest of the things. I know my jouney of WordPress is very small today, it is just 13th day. But, I do not care about quantity of time I spend, the quality I got here was Profound. Again, God helped me in this. God made me joinWordPress when I had least idea of WordPress. It means got has seen my hardwork amd struggle and now it is time that God will give me fruits of all 25 years of everything bad, sad, hardwork, struggles, sleeplessnight, cries, frustrations and everg negative emotion I felt. I have full faith in God. He will do justice but at the right time.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Hi Sachin,
      I am so happy that you shared your story with me here. It not only made me know what is your story but also must have given you more strength. Saying it out loud, writing it down must have helped you in some way or the other.
      I know, having dealt with it first hand, how it feels to be left alone, without any guidance and support and I can only say that do not give it a lot of thought, it is just your past, it has made you strong.
      Do not forget it though, It has made you what you are today.
      I have completed more than a year f blogging, and it has helped me a lot. Sometimes it becomes a place to discuss my hapiness, and sometimes a place to vent out anger.
      It will help you too.
      Keep writing, and Keep smiling,
      You are courageous than you think you are.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Every single word you said is so true!
        And yeah, I have taken the Initiative to turn my life on my own help with God’s help. If God say “No, Your Karma does not allow me to help you”, I am even willing to fight the battle of my life alone and come out victorious and die with satisfaction and peace that “I came, I saw and finally I did conquer everything I wanted to – Veni, Vidi, Vici” 💞 One of the very inspiring quote which I can relate to my life as my life itself is an inspiration to many!!

        Liked by 1 person

  36. So many people goes through this phase in life including me it’s great that you started early in life and not wait until Mid-life hits you like me. I really appreciate this story.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Your perception holds importance for me.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: