Imaginary Concept.

This might make me sound absolutely vulnerable, too emotional and to a certain extent meek and fragile, but I have to get it out, out of my head, out of my system!

So the question is- can an imaginary concept, a tale that has never happened, never going to happen, an incident which is absolutely fictional, and a plot twist which you might not even pen down make you cry? Is it really possible?

Yesterday, in the night when everyone around me was dead to the world, I opened my laptop and was just trying to write something, anything that my mind would be willing to work on. I ditched the laptop soon and adapted the notebook and a pen. I had just started to scribble something, when my mind started racing, the thoughts started flowing. And I lost track, and swam with the thoughts. I had completely stopped writing and was simply thinking about how the plot could go.

I was blind with tears just in a couple of minutes, I was not writing, I was not even taking notes. My own plot; my own construction made me cry!!!!

I remained still for a while; I did not stir but eventually in a mixed emotional state of fury and guilt, rage and helplessness, I erased everything, tore the sheets, and shut the laptop.

I don’t understand what happened. I don’t know how I could cry at own plot, how a fictional story which was not even written down could make me so exposed and defenceless. But it happened and all I felt like doing was to erase that memory from my mind. Simply remove it.

It felt like could I be so cruel? Really, me?

I don’t know what was it that made me cry, the wretched circumstance, or the fact that I imagined myself as the protagonist of the same.

Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

56 thoughts on “Imaginary Concept.

  1. I sometimes will get emotional feelings, seemingly unprompted, triggered by music, a cheesy movie or just the beauty of the day. My point is that it may have been percolating beneath your consciousness and your story allowed it to surface-Thank you for sharing

    Liked by 2 people

  2. or maybe some supressed emotions came out and took a form on its own. When our subconscious wants to throw sth out and our conscious mind doesn’t remember what it was the subconscious looks for pictures which would fit the emotions and creates a story, it happens sometimes during hypnosis

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so mcuh for stopping by and sharing you thoughtful views here. I am really pleased.
      And now when I am actually thinking about it, I think my sub-conscious might have had to do something with it, But clearly I don’t remember anything of that sort.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes I agree. Thank you so much dear for sharing it with me.
        Sometimes these emotions do need to leave, as much as they are a part of us, they need to leave too.
        Being too vulnerable isn’t my thing, just can’t handle it.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I think sometimes when the imagination comes stumbling out of the deep woods of the subconscious, we are often stunned if not, as in your case, downright horrified. I think, Moushimi, that moment, you so well described, of extreme emotions is something many humans experience but writers, perhaps more so and perhaps with greater force than others.

    I agree with “Love it Now,” that the positive aspect of the occurrence is that “something” poured out of you. You say you “just can’t handle it,” and I understand your feelings. But, I wonder if you could, at some future time, write down your feelings about what you saw and felt, then of course you would be in complete control. You would fortify yourself, as it were. You could strengthen your vulnerability.

    You actually did this to some extent with this blog, but what I’m suggesting is a more personal–nobody-can-see-this sort of writing, where you take control of those thoughts that brought about such a negative reaction. Once you do that, you compartmentalize those thoughts and the attendant emotions, and no longer will they bother you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Paul, I really needed this. I have thinking about even after writing it down here. So the first thing I am going to do is write down everything, leaving behind no detail, even how I felt and then may be I could deal with a little better.
      Thank you so much.
      And for the sub-conscious part, yes it could be true, but then it would have to go back really in the past.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oops, I forgot to add one more point. You do have a fiction writer in you. Let her out 🙂 I need to see what you are capable of. Why don’t you try writing a short story???? 🙂 It’s sort of a challenge from me..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do write stories, but only when I am comfortable and have somthing in my mind.
      In the past I have posted some too.
      Taking up a challenge, writing something when the topic is being given to you, or any other restriction has never worked on me, I could never torture myself like that. I will come up with something when my heart says.
      So sorry for now 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah dear it happens! I can relate to the scenarios where we feel emotional while we watch a movie so involved. I consider writing as a form of art and this shows the depth of your passion for the art.❤😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post 😃 I get what you mean. When you believe something and feel it to be true, you get caught in the emotion of the situation of the story. That can make you sad. Well written post. Keep up the great work

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Great post
    What i felt ,when i read this post is about myslf
    The way our mind wanders
    How r memories bring back tears ,frustration nd evn happiness.
    Sometimes the best way is to write it out u feel alot better.

    Liked by 1 person

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