The Nudging Guilt!

Posted byMoushmi RadhanparaPosted inKeep Smiling :-), My Reality Mirror, Ramblings of my mind.Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday morning- a normal day would be somewhat like….. Well, you know how it would be. But an abnormal and unanticipated Monday morning was what I had today.

It was a Monday morning, when I wake up at a time when you hardly can wish someone a ‘good morning’, when you are almost touching noon; a morning when I simply avoid work for no reason, a morning when I ignore my bundled up projects, and do not even give any heed to my college assignments; a morning when I am in no hurry despite being so late.

I sit and smile on my bed, for no explicit reason. Life hasn’t changed overnight, it is just what it was yesterday and I am just as tired dealing with it. But I don’t even want to deal with it now. I am simply breathing.

I go out for my morning cup of coffee, strolling in the cool and nonchalant weather outside. The rains from last night have kept the climate lovable and I relish every second of it, every micro second of it. I do not have my phone with me; I don’t even look at anyone only to avoid any sort of conversation, I am simply conscious, conscious of the fact that I am here, alive, and breathing.

Even the barista gives me a vague look observing me in my shorts, with the messed up hair, and that lingering look in my eyes. But I do not care.

I am simply breathing 😉

I return home, cancel all my plans, no work, no studies, no stress.

I go to the porch, sit on the bean bag and grab a book which I am yearning to read.

And then I am lost!

This was of course a perfect setting, the only, and the only single thing that kept fretting my mind, and which I kept dodging again and again was the constant nudging guilt; the guilt to disregard my work, the guilt to even overlook the projects, the assignments which have kept piling up. I have already missed my deadlines, I was already struggling, juggling to keep up, and yet here I was sitting and reading. Time was short but the work load kept piling up and despite being aware of it, I wasted the entire day. Not only did I brush-off my schedule, I kept propelling away that guilt too.

And at the end of the day, I don’t even regret it. I savoured the day of simply breathing, simply living.

Just, just the problem was that-constant-nudging-guilt!!

Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog https://aestheticmiradh.com/ and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

31 thoughts on “The Nudging Guilt!”

  4. But you wrote this piece didn’t you? So it isn’t in doing a project or writing something, it is what is pushing underneath it.
    An expectation? From you…others? A fear of non completion…because we all create our very own fears, even though we think we are avoiding them.
    If you can ‘see’ what is its driver you will be surprised by the freedom of what that understanding gives you. And if you are anything like me, you enjoy the blogging…maybe its that there is no joy in your other projects 😀 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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  9. Hi Moushmi,

    “Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.” Gretchen Rubin

    Liked by 3 people

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  12. I get the feeling. Sometimes I choose the torture of lectures and assignments and make sure they’re all done. Then I can do whatever it is that I want without the guilt.

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. And it was a Monday!! Lucky youuu! I dont get luxury of waking up at noon on a monday!!! 😣😣😣 and tomorrow is monday!!!! Ahh!! I wish to have a day like you just described!! Really!! Sooo lovely and peaceful and the best one!!
    And the way you wrote it shows such an amazing writer you have become! I feel everything as if im living those moments!! Like my dreams! Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

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Your perception holds importance for me.

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