“Who am I?”

Preparing an essay on feminism I came across something which made me thinking, well, a lot of thinking happened after this. Nothing new, right? That is usually me, who keeps thinking on anything and everything.

So this is what I read today, a simple description on how women are depressed and what Friedan writes-

“I’ve tried everything women are supposed to do- hobbies, gardening, pickling, canning, being very social with my neighbours, — I can do it all, and I like it, but it doesn’t leave you anything to think about- any feeling of who you are. I never had any career ambitions. All I wanted was to get married and have four children. I love the kids and Bob and my home. There’s no problem you can even put a name to. But I am desperate. I begin to feel I have no personality. I am a server of food and a putter-on of pants and a bedmaker; somebody who can be called on when you want something. But who am I?”

I read a lot of things today, a lot which struck my mind and touched me but this dug something deep in my sub conscious mind.

That feeling, where you are absolutely helpless, when you don’t know what to do; when you question your own identity; that is absolutely depressing. And I do not have the courage to live with it. The point is I don’t ever want to have that kind of courage.

What would be the point of my life if I have to question my own identity?

You would say, why abruptly I am thinking so much, and why the question of identity? Nothing is wrong with my life, but this moved deep chords inside me.

I have never been too ambitious, no I won’t say I had no ambitions, I don’t even want too much from my life. No, I don’t want to get married and have four children, maybe I don’t even want to get married at all. May be I don’t even know what exactly do I want. But I just don’t want this feeling- the feeling of being desperate, the feeling that you can’t even name your problem, I don’t want to be that person who loses her personality, who just becomes a person who can be called on.

I cannot begin to think what it would be like to live where you don’t have anything to think about. Can you imagine, me, having nothing to think about?

I have always said, I have unending questions, that I am seeking answers, that I am searching for myself. This I can live with, a quest that might not end, where I am still searching for myself. But I might not be able to live with the question, “Who am I?” It is not even about living with that question. I don’t ‘want’ to ever live with that question.


Published by Moushmi Radhanpara

A bilingual writer, Moushmi Radhanpara has authored three poetry collections so far, namely POSIES and 03:21 AM –An Ode to Rust & Restlessness, and Resignation of an Angel. She is also scribbling an unplanned rough draft of a story as a part of NANOWRIMO 2020 and hopes that something might come out of it. She has also co-authored two books, The Lockdown Stories and Mirage so far. Her poetries can be found on her blog https://aestheticmiradh.com/ and a few other online portals. She believes in the fact that a better reader makes a better writer. Reading a 100 books a year is her latest obsession. She can be found either drunk on coffee or hiding away from everything and admiring the gorgeous sun.

59 thoughts on ““Who am I?”

  1. I have questioned it many times..still finding the answer..just do one thing..come out of the consciousness..I mean your frame of thinking..be the observer of your own..like imagine another moushmi observing your own life of moushmi..and question yourself!! Like who is this crazy creature moushmi?? A person,a girls,a creature,group of thoughts,who is asking her to sleep at Kate nights,who is asking her to depress ,who is asking her to write..who is she..???

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Hmmmm…..when I then flirt with a girl,I feel like is it my body or mind or soul or something else doing that..them whole fun goes away..the same thing with love


  2. This is interesting.

    While it may sometimes be difficult to provide an answer to the question, it always has an answer. Like in the paraphrase that you mentioned in the post, she does have a identity. She is a mom, a homemaker, a teacher, a wife, like many other things. But then again, we don’t like to put labels to things. Having said that, it’s an important question to be asking ourselves because it lets us explore us further. If you are not what you wanted to be, you still have a choice to be that very person.

    I am sorry but I can’t help but laugh. The above comment. So, Moushmi, who is this crazy creature?

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I have read similar posts of yours and this one’s another. But you are what your name is. You are what you do. You are what you think and you are what you grab. It’s deeper and we keep digging. We don’t have to know who we are we always get to know ourselves in different ways in different situations. So do you. Many consider personality broadly to know who we are but even our personality changes when we speak or switch languages. So there is no one answer. Just keep doing good deeds and maybe you won’t know but the world will know who you are. Even if you want to know do soul searching of finding, eliminating and polishing. What matters is what you do which makes you who are you.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Such an Intresting Post!!! This got my mind Tickling😄
    Just wanted to say “The search” that’s the secret of life.To know yourself well leaves no room for growth.Never settle for something, There is always More of everything and anything.
    And on other hand There may be an inverse correlation between the question being asked and the ease with which you experience your life. The emphasis shouldn’t be on discovering who you are (what is buried beneath) but on facilitating the emergence of what you’d like to experience…
    And one last thing with no offense the women who do Household chores, we just can’t forget their contribution to our lifes.They have an identity and they just dont have a label but they do have an identity..

    Liked by 2 people

  5. We are built to question, it is our nature, the conditions in this world ask it of us.
    But one day that questioning is answered, we no longer need that urge because the answer finally changes us, showing us an acceptance of our journey because we now understand it. And with it comes something else we have sought in that questioning, that happiness and love we have always searched for.
    It begins by looking and questioning ‘out there’, and those experiences have purpose so that when we do look within, we will understand the answer when it comes.
    Trust, have faith in yourself…and the courage to ask some more ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I remember going through this kind of thought process when very young. And I think having these thoughts is a good awareness to have when we move ahead in life with our choices. They become a strong part of our intention to allow our personality to evolve as we continue to seek for ourselves. Wish you the best in all that you do ahead!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. It is a question that had often nudged me during my growing years when my path in life was yet to defined. Life is your oyster and it is all up to you. You can choose to go with the norm or move away from it – but it all depends on what YOU want.
    All the very best, Moushmi, for all the wonders in life that await you.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This is quite thought provoking. You reminded me of the uncertainties of this life. I don’t know what to do to get what I want but I have ambitions. When the time comes and I cannot recall who I am I’ll look at my past struggles and the fruits they bore. I’ll let that define me.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yup sometimes these questions haunt me a lot..some other times, they are like energy boosters…
        By the way, i could feel a smooth transition of your blog.. where in no commenting issue, no struggle for the followers…could you help me with the procedures you have taken…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. WordPress is interesting, as a blogging platform. There are three forms of WordPress, though one is an upgrade of another. You have WordPress.com, which is the hosted solution. It’s like Blogger or Tumblr; WordPress themselves hosts your blog, with a blogname.wordpress.com URL. There’s WordPress.com Premium, which is an upgrade to WordPress.com. And then there’s WordPress.org, which is a set of software you download and put on your own web hosting, which you pay for and can configure to your heart’s content.

        Check here too.. https://blogpros.com/blog/2015/09/wordpress-com-premium-self-hosted-wordpress-blog

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I dont know what to say here…the more i read the more i feel like it’s my soul talking to me! I read this thrice already! How can you come up with something like this! So simple and yet so clearly highlighting the conflict inside heart and mind! Each word and sentence is so true and heartfelt! Who am i and what i am doing! What is the point of it all! The constant efforts to find yourself!

    And the following lines have enamoured me completely! You really have got talent to write your feelings in a way as to give them life!
    “the feeling of being desperate, the feeling that you can’t even name your problem, I don’t want to be that person who loses her personality, who just becomes a person who can be called on.”

    Im overwhelmed! Dont know what to say…except RESPECT!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Sifar.
      I am over-joyed right now.
      Thanks a ton.
      I am so glad youb feel this way. And to be honest when I post something like this, I feel that I am simply talking here. I don’t even think that I am writing something of worth. It is just my mind talking and talking, simply rambling and asking questions.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. All the credit to you lovely writing!! That’s what i love about it…as if you are talking and that’s how it’s written…and reader doesn’t know when he starts getting drawn into a conversation and thinking about answers!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Great piece, I enjoy your blog thank you for sharing. I did a whole lot of self analysis and self discover what I found along the way was great. It took a lot of time and patience. I spent many years struggling with various struggles and I always pushed through with a fake smile till my mom past and after that everything changed for me. In the beginning my journey was very hard I became very ill after my mom n gram did and then after they past I finally started to put my life together its amazing the journey since then. I realized things about myself that I didn’t even realize before. I suggest a note book and write all of it down. All your questions all your thoughts everything. Now that I’ve come so far through my journey i decided to make it my lives work to blog about the realities of life trying to inspire people to make changes to the things that bring them sadness and harm so they too can reach greater heights and find their true happiness. I also am slowly but surely starting a life coaching business check out my page I invite you all to see my journey and read my posts and comment or share stories as you see fit. I do the blog as I feel its a way for people looking for more that do not have the financial ability to seek help can get started in their process of understanding they are not alone. Thanks again for sharing

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I have questioned who I am, too until The Good Lord showed me who I am~ I am: nothing and nobody without Him~ many will reject His answer~ I did for many years~ until He left me with no where else to go. And I can HONESTLY say~ God through Jesus Christ is our COMPLETE answer in life ❤ HE makes us whole ❤ ~I no longer ask who am I? but thank God for Who He is for me (and anyone that will believe on Him) Have a good day 🙂
    (Shared with LOVE ❤ )

    Liked by 1 person

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