I have a very bad habit of making lists. Want to buy a few things? There is a shopping list ready. Want to ask me a few names to start reading books? I have a very wonderful set of to read list. Every night I also prepare a to-do list for the next day! It seems fine so far, doesn’t it?
It gets worse, but only when I start making pros and cons list for every single thing. It is even okay so far, I guess. Rather it gets worse, extremely worse when I start making a pros and cons list even when things relating to people. I know, this sounds very, very wrong, but sometimes I really don’t know how to decide, how to judge a person and then I end up doing exactly this.
Very recently, clearing all my unwanted things from my shelves, (only to make more place for the new books) I found an old notebook wherein I discovered yet another discarded pros and cons list, embarrassingly, made for a person. It was almost a year back, but despite my guilt of making this in regard of a person, I am only happy that I did it. What I am not happy about is the fact that this was the first time that I was guilty about making a list for a person and I did not go with the instincts based on the list. Had I followed my usual method of balancing the pros and cons, I would have made the right decision. But I didn’t. I made a blunder. I learnt. I moved on. And yet I felt guilt then. I think I had no reason to feel that guilt, and yet I still do! I mean it’s a person I am talking about, how can I judge a person based on a few advantages and disadvantages? But again, it’s always helped me when confused, and the one time I go wilt my damned guilt, I lose the game. I act foolish.
Don’t know exactly what’s right from wrong, but I think the lists work well with me, only this one single time it failed me, or rather I failed it.
Sorry, I just had to blur it, it was too personal, and yet I wanted to show how very stupid I can be, taking pens and papers and actually jotting points down as if I was studying something very seriously!! 😉
Go on, judge me, I am pretty sure you have already made a pros and cons list on me 😀