Shoulders

I haven’t read a few pages in ten days

Haven’t looked at the books in a long time

No paperbacks, no hardcovers, 

No ebooks, no audiobooks.

I haven’t sat down to drink a glass of water in peace

I forget the taste of coffee

I gulp it down, hot and fast

Haven’t heard the voice of a tune

No melodies echo, only cranky cankerous crowd

My legs ache of standing up

My knees wobble of nervousness

I hide.

I hide to the balcony every now and then

No, no silence there

The kids echo their laughter on the playground

The society is vibrant and joyous

But I feel none of that. I smile.

I smile at the little fights. But.

But I don’t feel happy

No smiles are worth anymore.

Can boredom kill you with impatience, 

Or with morbidity

Or with disinterest?

I forget the sunset now 

The sun rises everyday

But I can’t see the sun

It’s not so bright 

But the rays don’t touch my body, it aches

The tears knock but refuse,

Refuse to come out and break.

The hollowness that I so dreaded has left

Who knew I’d miss it now. Its so heavy.

So heavy that I can’t hold it anymore

But

There is no other way

No place I can sit and breathe

No one I can whisper my secrets to

Nothing to hold onto

I cannot hold it anymore

But..