All posts by Moushmi Radhanpara

I wish I could be more specific about myself but I cannot. If only I knew myself I would be able to tell someone who actually I am. I am a person yet in search of oneself, and I truly hope and pray that I fathom myself before the eternity.

Sometimes…

Sometimes all you need to do is

Stay back, and let it all pass.

To sit awhile, and let it all pass.

 

Sometimes all you need to do is

Let the blood drain away to your toes.

To let the air be sucked out till your ears.

 

Sometimes all you need to do is

To close your eyes, and not talk.

To just lie down and not walk.

 

Sometimes, all you need to do is

Let it all go,

To let it all be in the past.

 

Sometimes all you need to do is

Turn the page of the book.

To end the chapter.

To close the book.

To just forget everything.

And start afresh.

To let it all be and have faith.

To try and smile and have faith.

To simply believe and let it be.

Sometimes all you need to do is

Simply do nothing.

The Last 5 Days!!

I simply don’t understand where the last 5 days went. Every second that I have lived of 13th to 17th August 2018 seemed like eternity and yet I say, I don’t know how it all went by. I am only happy that it is in the past, and I pray, truly from the bottom of my heart that no one, not even my darkest enemy has to go through what me and my family had to go through in these last days.

Before I say anything I will say a big THANK YOU to all of you here, for it was only your words that I was holding on to. All I had was words and prayers, apart from it, I was helpless. Nothing was in my hands, and I am thankful that everything is getting better. I am not breathing in peace yet, but it’s getting better.

I was away from my city, though in a known place.

I was away from everyone I know, but with my parents.

There were four other people we knew as close family members, with us. These few people are the ones whom we have helped under all circumstances in times of crisis. And I have seen true colors of these few people in these last few days.

In these last few days, I have seen unknown faces smiling at me. I have seen the painful eyes searching for my pain. I have seen the helplessness of people with and without money. I have seen the sympathy that people give each other when they know each one is dealing with their own share of trauma, physical or emotional. I have seen teary eyes, and painful smiles, I have seen the steps of a person walking with a heavy stone tied to his feet.

I have seen this and felt it first hand.

And I truly pray, for that is all I can do, that no one, no one should go through this ever in their lives.

I thought I knew what being alone was. And then I saw something what actually being alone meant. I faced something which I never did before, or which I never thought I would. My lack of knowledge in so many different matters pricked me constantly, and my fear for all the matters relating finance pierced through me. And above all my fear for my loved ones was shaken from the roots.

If anything good has come out of these past few days is only one thing, which is a lesson learnt. I always thought that people stand with each other only in good times, where as in times of crisis, they run away as fast as they can. And in the past few days, this belief was doubly confirmed. My parents have been there for everyone in crucial periods, but when they actually needed help, they were alone. ALONE and LONELY!!

My belief has been confirmed, and it can never change now, that only your parents and your brother/sister/husband/wife is going to be with you at any point of time in your life. No one else, however close you are to them, or however much you have been there for them, are not going to be with you.

I am sorry if this belief is one sided from my experience, but I have been through enough situations where I have been left alone, battling with situations without a sword.

You say this is making me strong?

But my friend, this is only making me weaker from my deeper insides. I am losing faith, inch by inch, my hopes are falling, drop by drop.

I am sorry but I just feel this way. Everything seems blurred, and I feel lost in a path to an unknown destination.

Anyways, I am thankful to all of you, even just for letting me know, that you are there, wherever you are, in which ever part of the country/earth you are.

 

I Am Walking!

I am walking down a path

Somewhere, where I am so scared to walk,

Somewhere, where I have always dreaded to walk. 

 

I am walking down a path

To somewhere, where I don’t know the destination

To somewhere, where I don’t know what awaits. 

 

I am walking to someplace

Where? Why? How? 

I know not. I am simply walking. 

 

I am walking down somewhere,

Alone, dejected, beaten. 

Shivering, shredding, succumbing. 

 

I am walking. 

I have no ounce of energy to walk anymore. 

No iota of inspiration to walk.

 

I don’t want to walk. 

No, I don’t. 

And yet I am. 

 

I want to hold hands,

I want to lie down. 

I want to breathe.

 

And yet, I am walking. 

 

I am walking the steps of a failure

I am walking the painful steps of helplessness

I am walking to an endless space.

 

I am walking where there are tearful smiles,

Where there are hidden sores,

Where there are only painful stones.

 

I don’t know what to do. 

I want to lie down,

But all I doing is walking, walking, walking…..

 

PS: I am sorry to be away from all of you. I will be back to all your posts very soon. I will. I am just a little screwed up right now.

Helpless.

I feel helpless today.

So helpless,

As helpless as I haven’t felt in a long time.

As helpless, as I think I can never feel.

The epitome of helplessness.

And yet, I feel this can go on,

On and on for quite a while.

And yet I feel that I can feel even more helpless.

But what could be more than this, I wonder?

Because, this what I feel today, is beyond my ways of expressions.

This what I feel today is beyond my perception,

This is beyond me.

And yet I know not, what to do. And yet I know not how much more helpless can I feel.

Because this feels more than enough,

More than what I thought I could take.

 

I thought I am doing my best

But even the best seems less than the best.

Nothing seems to be working,

Everything keeps coming,

And I feel helpless.

 

I thought I could take it,

I thought I could do something,

But now, depite all the efforts,

I feel helpless.

 

I feel as helpless as I would have felt in

Drowning into that ocean,

Without knowing how to swim.

I Shall Not Live In Vain!

A Long drive,

Winds battling speed,

Rains drenching your soul.

And these words, these beautiful words glorify your thoughts.

.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.”
-Emily Dickinson

This very short piece touched a deep chord today.

Because this lovely lady never fails to make me wonder how much I love her.

One Big Happy Family #3

Hey guys, anyone remember my happy ever after? That one big family I was so proud of? That little X whom I loved making jealous? That family where there was no trouble?

Well, as it happens that ‘One big family’ they are in trouble, because there is a new villain 😩

The moment I leave them, they get themselves into some trouble. Can someone not survive without me for even a week???

Oh God!!

Anyways, I am out of my city, away from the only happy ever after I have and they are in big trouble. And when I say big trouble, I mean it. Because only then would Mr and Mrs would have sent me the picture of new Mr Z.  And boy, is he dangerous!!!

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This Mr Z, I don’t like him and he is after my favourite ‘one big happy family’.

I think I need to get home soon now. As I have already told,  I cannot let anyone ruin my happy ever after.

PS: Hoping someone would go take care of my happy ever after till I return!! A big Sigh!!!

Here is the link to my big family’s introduction- https://aestheticmiradh.com/2018/02/24/one-big-happy-family/

Peace or being right?

Sometimes, you keep struggling what you don’t need struggling for.

Sometimes, you keep fighting what you don’t need fighting for.

And sometimes, you keep trying when in reality you don’t need to be trying at all.

In actuality you might be doing everything in vain, rejecting your peace and instead dealing with all of unnecessary thoughts.

May be all you need is peace and not keep fighting for something which is beyond you.

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