Category Archives: It’s Humour time.

Mr. Coffee Hater #2

Aaj jane ki zid na karo.. yu hi pehlu me baithe raho…..

 

I hum along the very old lyrics, sitting in my balcony, sipping that hot cup of coffee, drenching in that cool, chilly after-rain air, that unseasonal rain which leaves everything all the more beautiful. I am lost; lost in that very strong cup of coffee, lost among those very soothing winds; lost in a different era of love.

 

I am lost when suddenly, out of nowhere, disconcerting my train of thoughts, This stupid Mr. Coffee Hater barges in rushing, fluttering, clapping, smiling, “Pehle muje ane to do, uske baad me jane ki zid karunga na.” I have to literally battle with my calm, with my soothing mind to come back and realize what exactly happened.

 

“You frightened me.” I scream.

“Someone’s in a mood!!” comes back the taunting respond.

“Don’t even let me begin on mood.”

“Oh ever the dramatic Moushmi.”

“Yeah? You think I do drama all the time?”

“Well, not all the time. At least not when you sing such wonderful, soulful songs for me.”

He thinks the song is for him!! Oh God!! Can he really be any more self-obsessive?

“The song wasn’t for you.” I retort.

“Of course it wasn’t.” And he tries patting my hand.

“Oh, just get lost.”

“But I just came in.” He tries with all his roughish charms.

“Yeah, but you didn’t come in when I needed you. Oh, you are just the same. It will probably do you more good if you just left!”

“I was busy.” He tries puppy faces.

“Yeah, and so I am, now!! Any plans on leaving, then?”

“Well, I am not disturbing you, am I?”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I am not. All I can remember is you were singing or should I say trying to sing a song, whereby you were pleading with me to not go.” He smirks.

“For the 100thtime, the song wasn’t for you.”

“Let’s say, I agree that it wasn’t for me. Then may I ask, whom were you dedicating it to?” He really tries.

“No, you may not know.”

“Oh, come on! I go away for a little while and you throw all your tantrums on me. I said I am sorry.”

“No, you never said sorry!”

“I did.”

“In your head, you did!!”

“Someone’s really angry this time!.” He mumbles.

“I heard that!!

“Yeah, well if you heard that, do you hear me asking for that damned coffee?”

“Since when have you started liking coffee?”

“Oh, I still hate it. But if that is what it takes for you to calm down, lady? Then coffee it is!”

“Oh come on. I don’t want your upkaar.” I snap.

“It is not upkaar. I mean it.” He smiles that foolish smile.

I wonder. Is he right? Is he fooling me? I try to read his face, but before I can he changes the topic. “So, I hear you were really missing me?”

“I have better things to do, than miss someone who hates coffee!”

“Are we still on that?”

“Well, we will be on that until you start drinking coffee!!”

“So, is there anything new except of your coffee?” he changes the topic again.

“No.” I am still very adamant.

“How’s work?

“Good.”…………. “But come to think of it….”

“There it is. I was just wondering how have you not ‘thought’ of anything so far. HAHAHA you and your thinking.”

“If my thinking bothers you so much, then why did you come here again?”

“I heard you were missing me.” He flatters himself.

“Well, you had fake news. Be assured of that!”

“Seriously?” He rolls his eyes at me.

“Yes!!”

“Oh, in that case I must go. I just thought……”

“Ha ha! Caught you. I have told you. Thinking isn’t your responsibility. You fail miserably at it.”

“Yeah, I know. I just thought I was better at it by now.”

“There, you are doing it again. My dear, you just are pathetic at it.” I rejoice in his failure.

“Yeah? So are you.”

“In what, may I ask?”

No, you may not!!”

Uuuuuuuurrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh

“Why not?”

“Just….”

“Okay, don’t say. But are you going to ever tell me where exactly have you been for so many days?”

“No!” Comes the blatant reply.

“Really?” I stare dumbfounded.

What is wrong with you? I want to scream. But I sip my coffee instead.

“So, what brings you here, today, after so many days? I thought you just forgot me?”

“You!!”

“Oh, please don’t start that again!! Stop being cheesy!!”

“It’s not cheesy.”

“It is.”

“It’s not. And even if it is, at least it’s better than your coffee!!”

I remain silent.

“Are you going to say anything?” He chirps.

I am still silent.

“Okay, then I am leaving.” He is losing patience now.

“WAIT! You can’t go….”

“I know. I know. The coffee isn’t over yet.” He finishes for me.

“So do I get the pleasure to know your name, now?” I am all too politeness for him.

He rolls his eyes and smirks. He just knows its fake.

“You could you if you wanted to.”

“But you won’t say your name.” I almost spill my cup in screaming at him.

“You won’t ask.” He bats his wings angrily.

“I just did.”

“Okay, I will tell you today, just as soon as you finish your idiotic, extremely hot, stupid, excessively strong, unwanted and sour coffee!!!!!”

He has crossed his limits.

I fume.

He winks.

I gulp down the coffee. Enough is enough. I will know his name, today.

He winks again. He smiles mischievously. Bats his wings.

“Aisi baate kiya na karo..” And just as swiftly he flies away, above and beyond. And in another second he is too far away from me.

He is gone. The coffee cup is empty. The wind is whistling into my ears. In the background the wonderful lady, that gorgeous Farida Khannumsmiles vainly into nothingness, “Jaan jati hai jab uth k jate ho tum……..

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Until we meet again.

 

Take care!

More about this stupid, nerving, extremely irritating Coffee Hater: Mr. Coffee Hater- My New Friend!

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Book Nerds Will Relate #3

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Of course, I am not insane, right!! How can I be any kind of addict except a book addict 😉

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I promise, just one more 😀

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Men at some time are masters of their fates. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves!

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Well, truly so!

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True! True! True….

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I chose to remain mum 😉

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I sure do! (Sigh)

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Hahaha, this is absolutely me and I am still not satisfied 😀

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Honest to God, I need this kind of support!!!

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And may be, coffee?

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Probably the only reason, why I don’t do good in relationships 😀

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Seriously, clear your mind people!!!

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Haha, this is true too!

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Totally true! Period..

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Well, this is true too.

*

Hope you had a good laugh, if not, well I am sorry! It’s books we are talking about, so it is important to me and me alone.

Books are and will be a big part of my life.

They have been with me when no one else was.

They have been through me, and been through a lot with me.

When nothing works, a book, empty or otherwise, always comes to my rescue.

So here’s to all the readers and writers, who have a very intelligent and safe addiction of fantasy, having an escape form reality!

Hope you had a fun time with my book shenanigans.

Have a great day!

*

Some more nerdy stuff here: Book Nerds Will relate! and Book Nerds Will Relate #2

 

 

Because It Is Valentine’s!

My last post was a literal tease and I literally blew up the romance in it, and I intend to do the same here. Only I am hoping that by the end I start making a little sense, and give some kind of respect to the feeling called ‘love’.

Warning: I do not intend to hurt anyone, it’s purely innocent!

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What exactly changes this day? Please, tell me!!

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Only Sheldon gets me 😀

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So, before you ask me, here’s the answer…

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Ummm, I’ll have to see if I get all the wine or not 😉

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Egggzzzaaaaccccttttllllyyyy

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Well, I’ll be with Harry. If you now what I mean 😉

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Again, Sheldon gets me.

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Oh, please do it right away!

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Okay, I know, giving too much importance to myself here!!

But, I guess, it’s no big deal 😀

Okay, now jokes apart!

I teased too much I guess. But it’s only because I hate it when I see people taking love so callously. I mean how is it easy for some people to play with such a pious feeling? Every year it’s a joke and more of a show off than the real feeling. It’s like with changing gifts and roses and cards, the person to whom they are giving it to, also changes. I just hate this fact about us. That’s it! Again, I realise, not every one is so, and hence the following 😀

In all honesty, I attach a little sonnet below, for love, to love and with lots and lots of love.

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Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. That’s it!

It is an ever fixed mark!

It is not time’s fool.

It is love, now and ever after, even when things are darkest!

So, here’s wishing you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day. May there be lots and lots of love in every heart!

A Little Romance!

After a long and strenuous day I long and pine only for you. My heart, my soul and even my body wants, to only hold you. On my way back from work, all I can think of is getting back to you, holding you, and loving with all my might, all my passion. All I can think of is the mysteries and the love that you will slowly unfold under my embrace.

 

Reaching home, I lose all my patience waiting for you to come to the bathtub, while I am slowly drifting in under your charm, beneath the hot waters. Just when my body relaxes among the bath salts, I can wait no more, I grab you inside, holding you, oh so tight.

 

Slowly I move you closer to me, hovering my fingers over your face. Oh the touch, you can never know darling, what you do to me!! The sensation. Your smell, have I ever told you, even your charming smell leaves me mesmerized? Closing my eyes, I lean forward just to breathe in that smell, again and yet again. You do not interfere once. It is as if you have given yourself to me.

 

Smiling, opening my eyes, I move back, still holding you with all my love, my fingers still hovering above the tattooed marks on your skin. Do you feel anything when I touch you? ‘Cause baby, I sure feel something.

 

Slowly, caressing you again (not sure for the last time) I open the hardbound copy, removing the bookmark, I start reading.

 

PS: I am sorry from the bottom of my heart for the ruined end, but with so much love in the air, I had to be a spoilsport. 😉

 

 

Why god? Why??

The last year it was my computer that betrayed

For time and again it ruined its brand name;

So come May, 2018 brought a new expenditure

Safely increasing my light vollet’s temperature.

 

With grieving tears I bid it adieu

When one last time I shut it due;

For the technologically challenged me

Never likes to learn anything new.

 

And yet with all my might

I let my patronized hand by;

Forcing to come out of my loving comfort

Trying to suit myself with the new head with all the discomfort.

 

So, the Kindle was a little postponed

And I could not have been less joyed;

When in came 2019 with new promises

But oh, alas! I was hardly aware of what lay ominous.

 

I danced and pranced waiting for July,

Dreaming and planning which Kindle to try;

But 2019 broke my heart too early

For come January, I broke my smartphone curtly.

 

“You wanted to reduce your screen time,

Now you have no screen.”

Came back the mocking reply

To which I was not so very sly.

 

I pledge and vow to use and old buttoned phone

But how long is it going to last is widely known;

And so once again Kindle will be pushed down

Trying to fumble with a new gadget making myself a clown!

 

Don’t even let me begin on the specifications of a new phone

For there is nothing good like the one that I did own;

The ones that will have everything will surely be above my budget

And the ones that will comply to it will be merely like a puppet.

 

Why God? Why??

 

I know you are looking down on me

Scornfully saying- “I didn’t make that damned phone.”

And so I completely agree

But why did we ever let it become like meat and potatoes.

 

With that grieving sigh

I shut down my phone;

Resolving tight

To go back to that buttoned phone.

 

But wait, I forget

Because it is the 4G age;

And my old phone

Has so far considerably aged.

 

So what do I do now?

Carry my laptop around?

Oh, I know, I will succumb!

But which new gadget I should let me run?

 

With time I will eventually find

Something between a budget and a puppet;

And then I shall see how long it takes me to try

Before even that one goes down the bucket.

 

Though in time wonders do strike

How far materialism could hike;

A simple gadget troubles me so

That its going away makes me low.

If My Phone Could Talk….

As we are trying to make our lives easier through technology, isn’t there a part of us that is getting overly dependent on these means? So much so that it gets almost extremely disgusting at some point. Haven’t we gotten really far from actual social networking in the stead of social networking?

 

I really find it very weird sometimes when I see people literally talking to the phone, not over the phone, but to it. I have seen my friends do it, sometimes when I am busy even I do it to speed things up a bit, but when I see the speakerphone on our phones to be used as an entertainer, well it’s just funny!!

 

See for yourself!!

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Damn right, we are!!

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Now, what? Are we going to joke back at Siri?

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Which is?

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And what about us? Any new jumpers?

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Thanks for the info, but as usual we’ll pass!

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Yes, probably find a little sensibility, and the courage to ask real people for plans!

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What if she asks our scores? I am below negative, for sure!

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Better imagination than mine, shall I say?

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Well….

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Now shall we have some self respect?

 

Seriously, what is happening to us?

 

Believe me, all I do with my Siri, is ask it to call or text someone, or at the maximum to look up something over the internet, but people really do these stuff! At first I didn’t believe it, but they really do! Hey, I am not judging anyone for doing this, but all I am saying is I would rather ask the person sitting next to me to tell me a joke or talk to me rather than a flat screen shining phonily at me.

 

PS: If you did laugh a bit, then thanks to the humor, well humor, which Siri puts  in her responses 😉

I guess there’s another post script required: The idea of this post came from an acquaintance who kept sharing WhatsApp stories of how she was having fun talking to Siri! At first it was comical, but in time it grew more like Raj’s obsessions (From Big Bang Theory) who almost thinks Siri is real, and even as much thinks her to be his girlfriend! The post is made in no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings. If at all this proves offensive or impolite, then I am sorry, because I have no intentions as such. And if so, I will consider this as a failed attempt of my being humorous.

So, here’s to technology!

 

Perfect Partner!

Person: Why are you still single?

 

Me: I am still finding my perfect match! (Because I don’t have anything else to say.)

 

Person: Seriously? There are like 6 billion people on this planet, and you don’t like anyone yet?

 

Me: I am still finding that special someone with whom I can actually connect. (Now desperately wanting out of this conversation)

 

Person: You know what I read recently that everyone of us has 1.5 million potentially perfect matches out there.

 

Me: (Staring. Not speaking. Thinking. Questioning myself. Thinking exactly what have I been doing?)

 

Person: Listening? 1.5 million!!!

 

Me: Uuuummmmm, but you know what I am pretty sure that among those 1.5 million people no one will come above books to me 😀 (What better way than a little bit of humor, to literally end this.)

 

Person: Rolls his eyes at me.

 

Me: (But really 1.5 million? And yet, somehow I manage to ruin my relationship with everyone.)

 

*

 

PS: The above little information of the ratio of perfect matches; was shared by the Australian relationship experts Barbara and Allan Pease, at the Times Litfest in Delhi. (My source of information is the newspapers)