Category Archives: My Reality Mirror

An Unexpected One Liner.

“Aandhere me jo bhi dikhe, us se darr hi lagta hai.”

My friend said this to me yesterday. The literal translation of which is, “Anything that you see in the dark, is most certainly going to scare you.”

And somehow I find that that this friend is always right and meeting him for this occasional coffee proves more than just a cup of coffee. This is not the first time he has struck a one liner and stumped me. He does this time and again, sometimes only trying to be funny, and the other times, trying to compose my edgy nerves. And almost every time he succeeds in his intentions.

After he said this to me, I kept mulling over it, and I could only decipher its truth even more, after every passing second.

Isn’t he right? I mean sometimes does not the smallest of things bother you only because there is something else crucial going around? Doesn’t sometimes some incidents leave a mark on you more than they should, only because they came after a chain of unwanted events, shaking you? Do you not sometimes, feel scared only because something else is scaring you? Do you not feel scared in the darkness only because there is something uncertain? Do you not feel scared because there is nothing to see in that darkness? Do you not be scared only because you might be scared of the darkness? Are you not scared of being scared itself?

PS: I don’t know how much I make sense today to any one of you..

 

Current Reading List!

I cannot say that I am at a lot of disposal of time these days to have a current reading list, but after my recent circus show in my life, I desperately needed an escape. A real escape. And so I have been drowning myself in books.

Before, I would pick up a book and read it front and back, till I was satisfied with it, and only then would I have gone on to the next book. But off late, my concentration capacity has been so belittled that even when it comes to books, I have started shifting from one to another. And I don’t even know if it’s helping me. But as of now I have picked up a set of books and am reading them in bits and parts, and so far so good! The only problem is I am taking longer than usual to complete each book. The result of which is, my mind is getting more curious by the day, I get anxious, and wonder what exactly is wrong with me that I am taking so long to complete a book!!

I know, and I agree with my over-reactions. But all the same, I am enjoying for the time being, to have a big set of books to go back to everyday.

The list incorporate:

  • A Man Called Ove By Fredrik Backman
  • A collection of poems by Rumi
  • Another book of Urdu poetry with Hindi and English translations
  • A poetry collection of  Pablo Neruda.
  • Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell. (This has taken so much of time now that I really want to finish it. I cannot blame anyone, for the length of the book makes anyone slower. But now, I am curious too of this very brave and forward Katie Scarlett O’Hara)

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And if this was not enough, I am reading this again.

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I don’t know what I am trying to do, live the good old childhood days or am I simply trying to believe in something called magic? But I am reading this for the second time this month, and I am not even ashamed of it.

And if all of this was not enough, I ordered another book for myself, despite the unread books that I have, including the huge set that I was gifted on my birthday. Well, in my defence I was ordering two books for my exams, and somehow I thought books just for exams doesn’t seem exactly apt, right? So I should order at least one good book to read too. And that’s how this little one reached me:

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So, yeah, that’s it. This is my current reading list.

Not that I am free of work or my exams and assignments, but I am just reading them all the same.

Have you read any of these?

Any thoughts on them, or to say on my recent obsession for reading more than I can manage on a work day?

If not, then Happy Reading 😀

 

 

City Of Dreams #2

I just went out and stopped writing about the city of dreams yesterday, probably because I was overwhelmed. Or I guess the better reason would be because I was tired by only writing about the tiresome days that I have had working there.

But despite all the tiring days, I did manage to have a little bit of outing, and a 2 day short journey around the city. I did, for a while, consider not going, because I was dead tired already, but I could not miss it. And hence, I went.

Though, only after a loooooong and a relaxing bath early in the morning.

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And a last look outside my room at the rainy weather:

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The journey began in the most peaceful way with rains, and clouds, and a wonderful person driving next to you 🙂

And this is somewhere I was heading to:

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Tell me you don’t like the place? Tell me? Can you dare that?

I mean you can say that you don’t like my unprofessional clicks, but the place? This place with fog, and chilly rains, and high peaked mountains, and lakes and rivers, and waterfalls, and oh!! Oh the beauty of the place!!!

Since no words, and no pictures can describe this, I will add another picture as blurred as my descriptions:

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I simply wanted to get lost in here., to be invisible, somewhere, down there.

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I could literally see nothing amidst the fog, it was so sooooo beautiful!!

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And then somehow, I got lost in there, completely!!

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An age old temple:

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A serene waterfall, which later on we did go to.

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And this was the humble abode for the next day. Though it wasn’t as grand as the previous one, it was as quiet as it could be. So quiet, that in the night I had to put the Tv on, to feel some kind of presence except me, and my friend!

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But it had a lovely view, all the same:

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When you are ready for the day, and the other people are taking more time than required :-!

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When you keep getting clicked, despite your wishes, by your stupid friends.

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When you are always confused which way to go? Where everyone else was following or where no one was.

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And you end up, always, where no one was. And sometimes it does become scary, lonely and haunted 😀

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I swear to god, I was not even trying to hide my face in here. I promise 😀 It was God’s intention,. :-p (Laughing hysterically here)

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Oh the peace of this place!!

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Another part of my one big happy family : (HAHAHAHAHA)

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I cannot go back and shame myself without visiting this place!! No people., I cannot!!! No chance. This is the only place where I allow myself to slip and say something like ‘FAVOURITEST’. Yes, I do announce this place to be my favouritest in the world!!

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And that is a mandatory click at the said place. My friends know that 🙂

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Well, it was an amazing journey, the much wanted break. But then somehow, how I don’t know, the things went so downhill, that I’d want them to be erased. But I cannot do that, sadly. So I’ll try and forget them.

As is said, all is well that ends well.

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Since I had missed my flight by then, and I was left with practically no extra money to waste on the last moment expensive flights, I had to take the long train journey, and I thought I’d miss the view of the clouds. But seems like, sometimes, when things go against you, you get little pieces of joys. What I got is the same cloud view, just from somewhere I should be, grounded and down to earth.

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Well, I had a mixed bag of emotions there, as always. Only this time, it went a little too far. Anyways, I love this city so, so much that I cannot say anything about it.

I will miss the place, till I return.

And return I will, if only to visit my favouritest place..

 

Sometimes…

Sometimes all you need to do is

Stay back, and let it all pass.

To sit awhile, and let it all pass.

 

Sometimes all you need to do is

Let the blood drain away to your toes.

To let the air be sucked out till your ears.

 

Sometimes all you need to do is

To close your eyes, and not talk.

To just lie down and not walk.

 

Sometimes, all you need to do is

Let it all go,

To let it all be in the past.

 

Sometimes all you need to do is

Turn the page of the book.

To end the chapter.

To close the book.

To just forget everything.

And start afresh.

To let it all be and have faith.

To try and smile and have faith.

To simply believe and let it be.

Sometimes all you need to do is

Simply do nothing.

The Last 5 Days!!

I simply don’t understand where the last 5 days went. Every second that I have lived of 13th to 17th August 2018 seemed like eternity and yet I say, I don’t know how it all went by. I am only happy that it is in the past, and I pray, truly from the bottom of my heart that no one, not even my darkest enemy has to go through what me and my family had to go through in these last days.

Before I say anything I will say a big THANK YOU to all of you here, for it was only your words that I was holding on to. All I had was words and prayers, apart from it, I was helpless. Nothing was in my hands, and I am thankful that everything is getting better. I am not breathing in peace yet, but it’s getting better.

I was away from my city, though in a known place.

I was away from everyone I know, but with my parents.

There were four other people we knew as close family members, with us. These few people are the ones whom we have helped under all circumstances in times of crisis. And I have seen true colors of these few people in these last few days.

In these last few days, I have seen unknown faces smiling at me. I have seen the painful eyes searching for my pain. I have seen the helplessness of people with and without money. I have seen the sympathy that people give each other when they know each one is dealing with their own share of trauma, physical or emotional. I have seen teary eyes, and painful smiles, I have seen the steps of a person walking with a heavy stone tied to his feet.

I have seen this and felt it first hand.

And I truly pray, for that is all I can do, that no one, no one should go through this ever in their lives.

I thought I knew what being alone was. And then I saw something what actually being alone meant. I faced something which I never did before, or which I never thought I would. My lack of knowledge in so many different matters pricked me constantly, and my fear for all the matters relating finance pierced through me. And above all my fear for my loved ones was shaken from the roots.

If anything good has come out of these past few days is only one thing, which is a lesson learnt. I always thought that people stand with each other only in good times, where as in times of crisis, they run away as fast as they can. And in the past few days, this belief was doubly confirmed. My parents have been there for everyone in crucial periods, but when they actually needed help, they were alone. ALONE and LONELY!!

My belief has been confirmed, and it can never change now, that only your parents and your brother/sister/husband/wife is going to be with you at any point of time in your life. No one else, however close you are to them, or however much you have been there for them, are not going to be with you.

I am sorry if this belief is one sided from my experience, but I have been through enough situations where I have been left alone, battling with situations without a sword.

You say this is making me strong?

But my friend, this is only making me weaker from my deeper insides. I am losing faith, inch by inch, my hopes are falling, drop by drop.

I am sorry but I just feel this way. Everything seems blurred, and I feel lost in a path to an unknown destination.

Anyways, I am thankful to all of you, even just for letting me know, that you are there, wherever you are, in which ever part of the country/earth you are.

 

I Am Walking!

I am walking down a path

Somewhere, where I am so scared to walk,

Somewhere, where I have always dreaded to walk. 

 

I am walking down a path

To somewhere, where I don’t know the destination

To somewhere, where I don’t know what awaits. 

 

I am walking to someplace

Where? Why? How? 

I know not. I am simply walking. 

 

I am walking down somewhere,

Alone, dejected, beaten. 

Shivering, shredding, succumbing. 

 

I am walking. 

I have no ounce of energy to walk anymore. 

No iota of inspiration to walk.

 

I don’t want to walk. 

No, I don’t. 

And yet I am. 

 

I want to hold hands,

I want to lie down. 

I want to breathe.

 

And yet, I am walking. 

 

I am walking the steps of a failure

I am walking the painful steps of helplessness

I am walking to an endless space.

 

I am walking where there are tearful smiles,

Where there are hidden sores,

Where there are only painful stones.

 

I don’t know what to do. 

I want to lie down,

But all I doing is walking, walking, walking…..

 

PS: I am sorry to be away from all of you. I will be back to all your posts very soon. I will. I am just a little screwed up right now.

Helpless.

I feel helpless today.

So helpless,

As helpless as I haven’t felt in a long time.

As helpless, as I think I can never feel.

The epitome of helplessness.

And yet, I feel this can go on,

On and on for quite a while.

And yet I feel that I can feel even more helpless.

But what could be more than this, I wonder?

Because, this what I feel today, is beyond my ways of expressions.

This what I feel today is beyond my perception,

This is beyond me.

And yet I know not, what to do. And yet I know not how much more helpless can I feel.

Because this feels more than enough,

More than what I thought I could take.

 

I thought I am doing my best

But even the best seems less than the best.

Nothing seems to be working,

Everything keeps coming,

And I feel helpless.

 

I thought I could take it,

I thought I could do something,

But now, depite all the efforts,

I feel helpless.

 

I feel as helpless as I would have felt in

Drowning into that ocean,

Without knowing how to swim.