Category Archives: Ramblings of my mind.

आईने!

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खुश रहने में और खुश दिखने में
अगर फर्क न होता
तो मेरे घर क आईने
इतनी कहानिया न छुपाते.

I am sorry, for translated it will just not mean anything to me and so I leave it just as it is.

 

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11:11

Now this 11:11 thing is an ever-increasing belief that I have come across recently. So what exactly is this 11:11? I had no idea, I still don’t but I am going to write about it all the same.

So what I have heard/read/or come across about his numerological belief is that it is a good omen. The long and short of it is that seeing this exact time is an auspicious omen.

What I read is that seeing this exact time is a sign of your angels being near by bringing you love and protection. Now, as like other beliefs, this one too states that seeing this sign again and again will do you good, or that it brings you peace and joy. And to make things clear, I have also come across this small detail, which says that in order to get that, you have to work for that particular thing. So, so far so good! But then how is it different from any other beliefs? I mean working for what you want is the ultimate savior for everything, or what?

Anyways, I am not here to demoralize anything or anyone. I mean come on, who am I exactly to even try and do that, a simple already lowly human? Those who believe this, they have their own thoughts and I am in no right to judge them. But my question is for myself, for people like me who don’t know whether to believe in these things or not. The major problem for people like me, that is if at all there are any people who think like me.

So, lets assume that the fact about 11:11 is right and it is indeed very auspicious to see this sign, once, repeatedly, and some good is going to follow now. But what if a person uses an analog watch? I mean how do you exactly see 11:11 there? May be I am not smart enough to do that and some other people can. But for me it’s a real task to see 11:11 if I am wearing an analog watch.

Then, comes the problem of using a 24-hour format in your phones. While on the one hand people flood my social media stories with 11:11 motivational quotes, on the other hand I struggle to balance the format of my time. I mean, can anyone tell me if 23:11 counts, still? Probably not!

So, I guess 11:11 cosmos is not for me. But when desperation kicks in you do weird things, at least I do. So I went and changed my format on the phone to 12-hour format, and was constantly at alert to anyhow see this 11:11!! And a day ago, I saw it!! Yes, I saw my phone, the time, exactly at 11:11. But now what!!

Melancholy.

All you vain dreams

As short as a mid summer night

Swift; fleeting; lonely

Bestowing me with nothing but melancholy.

Fierce as a loving woman’s anger

Sweet as the kiss of a passionate lover

A bell at dawn; a parting groan-

If only I’d be wise enough to see beyond it.

 

The Arrested Fear.

I am sitting

Huddled among my friends

Or beside my love

But I am sitting

And I am laughing, talking.

I am happy.

Or so I thought-

For I was sure, sitting

But I was alone

Where did he go?

Why did the people leave me?

I was confused

Scared.

And then I saw someone

A pair of innocent black eyes

Walking towards me

Callously strolling,

A flicker of smile

Spread across his handsome face.

His bare chest

Trailing down to a carved V

Ending right above the

Loose white pair of trousers.

His pace quickens

And his eyes aren’t innocent anymore.

His smile isn’t handsome anymore.

And I get up and run.

I run.

But where do I run?

Somehow, I am on a five inch wide railing

And he is walking on it,

Towards me.

But I can’t walk.

I can barely stand straight.

He is walking.

And I am freezing.

I realize- I need to get away

And so I shut my eyes

And jump.

But there is nowhere to jump.

There is no railing

There is no falling

There is nothing.

But then where am I standing?

I open my eyes in a hurry

To find all blurry.

He is still walking towards me

And I am still there

Somewhere!

I need to run, I remind myself

So I run.

I am running back

To there

As far as I can see

And he is inches away from me

Devoid of any hurry

But full of innocence

And if there is innocence

Then why am I running away?

But I run.

I still run

Panting

Tired

Without a sense

I run.

There is a pleading noise from behind me

But I am so scared

I still run

And then there is nothing

Except for a log jump

Off the elongated sky

And then there are

Stairs.

So I run off them

Two at a time.

I keep going down

I run without a breath

Devoid of a thought

Panting

Sweating

Trembling

With fear.

And after about a hundred stairs

I am blocked.

There are four walls

No doors.

And I beat myself against each one of them

None moves.

I try again.

I am terrified.

Horrified.

I am tired.

I here a meek laughter from above

But I see no one.

There is nothing.

And I am trapped.

But how am I trapped

When there is nothing?

Yet, here I am

Eyes aghast

Fear gripping every inch of my body

The faint innocent eyes hiding

My soul writhing in agony

The dream subsiding the depravity.

A Raving Reminiscence.

The lane is empty

Except for the kacchi kairi

Kacchi kairi strewn across on both sides.

“What is kacchi kairi?” he asks.

I turn to him, and give him an imploring look-

See for yourself.

“All I see is beaten, tattered, useless raw mangoes.”

I give him that look again.

I smile.

I keep walking, walking

On that lane which is delusory,

Empty, except for kacchi kairi.

The trees tower over us

The greenery overpowering us, shadowing us

From the clouds.

The faint drizzle seething into our veins

The pungent raw smell

Overwhelming my memories from which I have abstained.

The lane desolate, leaves scattered about,

Kacchi kairi’s standing orthodoxly, waiting

For my retrieval into the fond memories

Buried deep, somewhere inside.

And in a trance I was transported eons back

Playing- carefree-

Callous- teasing-

Happy!

The sweet sour memory of eating that kacchi kairi,

The soft tiniest bite

Sour juices flowing

Eyes barely opening

And yet I would take bite after

Bite.

That sweet-sour memory of kacchi kairi.

“So what’s new in that? You still eat kacchi kairi.”

“I know”, I sigh!

Its different I want to cry.

But I give him that smile.

It’s just not the same kacchi kairi!

“So what, now you want that same raw mangoes that you ate

As a child? Don’t you think that’s rather impractical?”

The rage that gnaws at me is minutely conquered

By the insanity that he thinks I live in.

I don’t answer.

I just give him that look,

And he gives me that look

When he thinks that I want to make him understand

Without the words,

And he thinks I don’t know that he does understand,

He just enjoys his taunts more

But I know

And he knows.

And we draw each other together,

Closer.

And we walk that deserted lane,

Where there is nothing

The lane is empty,

Except for the kacchi kairi.

Kacchi kairi strewn across on both sides.

 

Superhuman.

I wonder how people exactly multi task so much. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I am not talking about simple things like walking and texting, or eating and watching TV. I have bigger issues today. There are people who do millions of things together and yet seem never to get tired.

 

I know some people who do this! I am not kidding!!

 

Their chores start the moment the wake up, and seem never ending. It all begins with a morning work out/ exercise/ walk, and goes on to their respective jobs. Well of course a single job doesn’t suffice and so there is another part time work from home thing. And they seem to have time for that too. Their lunches are always never alone, considering how many people they have to keep up with. The evening brings back the writing ant inside of them and hence starts the blogging world, which of course requires an exceptional amount of time. Blogging is of course never a one-hand thing, leading to various social media for recognition, where of course they are extraordinarily rewarded. They have a social presence in a virtual world too. Their friends know their whereabouts constantly, from what they are doing, where they are doing, to why and with whom they are. Hence their social life is hype. Well, as dusk falls, dinner reservations are made for social life is not for only social media, made. So, when the person comes back home, with a stomach full, and a little weekday booze, a coffee is needed so that the person does not snooze. As the exams are approaching the person needs to prepare too. And hence a couple of hours are spent, wracking the brains and selecting the mains, whereby sleep befalls, and peace prevails.

 

Please tell me how do these people do this! Are they even human or some super power do they attain? Do I lack that kind of brain? Or am I just too lazy and of course a little crazy to even follow that kind of train?

 

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PS: This is me, pretty much after doing every single thing!