Category Archives: Ramblings of my mind.

A writer’s Musings!

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Do share your thoughts on this one.

Do you agree that writers are worth something?

Or do you stand with the others believing that writers are a confirmed, forbearing and a resigned set?

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Just a thought!

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Just a thought that keeps bouncing on my head when people badger me with constantly saying that I do need to “Grow up”!!

#Keepthechildaliveinyou!

Fumbling Valiance!

Has it ever happened?

That you feel trapped?

You consider yourself quite brave,

But in all honesty, you are scared.

You thought that you forgot that feeling.

With so much constantly happening.

But one fine day,

You find yourself to pray.

Your fingers are crossed,

And you find yourself so much engrossed.

Fumbling, fidgeting,

Anxious; petrified; feeling alarming.

Has it ever happened to you?

That something so important knocks the door,

That your knees go weak,

And valiance seems like yore.

 

Grumpiness And Twittering!

I had a rough day. Well, honestly I am having a rough year since last year and so I have started taking and considering things by days and hours. So now I don’t ask someone on a Saturday, “how was your week?” I simply ask, “Ho was your day?” when someone asks me for a plan on a Friday, when today is still Wednesday, I reply “I’ll tell you a day prior to it.” Things have been so surprising (in a really wrong and unhappy way) that I have started dealing things one at a time, because really? Future? More unacceptable and uncertain than I thought!

 

So yeah, a rough day again!! Pretty mundane for me now. And returning from that rough day all I want to do is sit at home, watch that stupid TV where nothing is good on telecast, eat and go to sleep. Yeah, even if it is too early!! I am just tired.

 

So there I was succumbing to my mundane plan, getting into my sulky pajamas, when I heard a perky chirping somewhere around. Didn’t realize where? Didn’t give it a second thought. Ran about my chores.

 

I heard it again.

 

“What the hell? What is this noise? Can I not even sulk, in peace?” grumbled my grumpy self.

 

The noise stopped instantly!

 

I open the sandwich that I have brought myself and make some coffee.

 

The chirping continues.

 

On second thought it seemed like a wind chime. And the grouchy me hated that happy sound. What was the reason for being happy anyways?

 

I rush to my balcony to see if someone has put that stupid thing on again?

 

No sign!

 

The chirping persists.

 

I try to ignore. Go back to my sandwich.

 

Coffee seems the only thing to stay with me.

 

Chirping..

More chirping..

And then even more chirping. Like a bundle of noise thrown at me. It grows louder, and even louder, so louder that I feel that it is coming from inside my house. But where from exactly? And who, let me see, has the nerve to irritate me further?

 

I rush to the living room, ignoring my food in the kitchen table.

 

Holy mother of God!!

 

There is a gang of birds inside my house, giving me a live performance of that twittering. I am taken by surprise. Shocked! How the hell did they come in? I mean the window is open, but they never come in. Why? How? And why today, then? And look at the audacity. The birds are not just simply sitting and flying away. Not a place for temporary rest! They are most comfortably seated, around 20 of them and are singing happy tunes at their pitch of their voices!! I am alarmed and happy at the same time. Yes, happy! Yeah, the grumpy me swiftly changes my mood from being that grumpy Ove to that smiling bird. And what voices they have, what tunes they deliver. Oh my, oh my!! And they stay.

 

I go closer, not fearing that they will fly away. Something tells me that they will stay. And stay they did.

 

I am sitting just inches away, listening to them, lost somewhere.

 

When I open my eyes, I feel so relieved, so much so that I haven’t felt in pretty long time. I take their presence for granted; leave to get my food and the coffee, which is turning cold. I come back to find them just as I had left them. Really?

 

I eat with the presence of a live band singing melodies into my ears.

 

After I have satisfied my hunger, I clear the plate and the cup, drop them in the sink, only to find that their voices are lowering, and they are leaving one by one. I rush back to the window.

 

I don’t know what tells me to do so, but in that instant I grab my phone, and click a picture. By the time I have done so, all I am left with a different click of perhaps, Mr. Coffee Hater?

 

Why did they leave? (Greedy much?)

 

Oh the melody! (Hypocrite much?)

 

Who needs them anyway? (Yeah, right!)

 

“I don’t even like wind chimes and the birds were pretty much just the same.” And with this thought I rush back to my room.

 

PS: If you zoom into the picture you’ll get to see the grumpy coffee hater! 😀

Going Offline!

I am not much of a technology person, and when I say so I literally mean that. You can call me technologically challenged too, but when time comes I do battle with all the advances that our technology has made and feel like I don’t know anything at all. All the same, I somehow manage to get my things done. I am pretty sure there are many people like me, who would rather let things be easy without the technology hassle.

But while technology has given us so many ways to make life easier for us, it has also given us 100 different ways of entertainment, not to forget innumerable sites and pages for social interaction, which finally brings me to my todays thoughts, which more or less bounce around the time that we waste/socialize in there. It might come out like I call socializing as a waste of time (and believe me if I could say so, I would.) but I am not saying so, but this has indeed and very sadly messed up with our minds and the way how we live our life.

And thinking over this I have been very determinedly trying to reduce my time wasted, glued to my phone. Nah-ah, it wasn’t my new years resolution which I am going to be trying for a couple of months and then leave it, rather I have been doing it for a few months now, and gradually I have reduced the time from a few shocking hours to a minimal time of 49 minutes a day, which mostly involved work related calls and texts, and also, very little time chatting over friends, not to forget a little bit of online reading.

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I have reduced my Facebook- Instagram- Twitter and any other socializing app, time to bare minimum, and only once a week. I was never much of a person who would fret over likes, comments on a post, but even then these apps have had an impact on me. And truthfully, without them it is, so, so peaceful! Even before though, I wouldn’t post anything there often, neither would I give them more than half an hour to them each day. But of course even this seemed more to me and hence the decision.

And believe me, it is so much more relaxing without all of them on my phone. Honestly, I feel that they give us a wrong and misguided direction in following how we ought to live our lives, how many friends we need to have, how much flawless we need to be, and even significantly to give importance to the fact that what others think of us.

 

I am not saying that social media is wrong; I am simply saying it was being unhealthy for me recently, and thus the effort. I must say- so far, so good 😉

 

 

Krishna talked sense into me..

This post is going to be a little different from what I usually write here, but by the end of it you might think I am back to my usual. So if you get there, thank you for bearing with me.

*

“Mayi sarvani karmani samnyasyādhyātmacetasā;

Nirāśirnirmamo bhūtvā yudhyasava vigatajvarah.”

 

Renouncing all actions into Me, with the mind centered on the Self, free from hope and egoism (Ownership), free from (mental) fever, (you) do fight.

 

This is taken from the Holy Geeta, chapter 3 Karma Yoga, verse 30.

 

This brilliant passage is spoken by lord Krishna to his worshipper/friend/student Arjuna.

 

A closer study of the import of these two lines will make us understand clearly that, in this stanza, Krishna is hinting at the greater psychological truth of life. Krishna advises Arjuna to act renouncing both Hope and Ego; and this is indeed a primary instruction on how to pour the best that is in us into the ‘present’, blockading all unintelligent and thoughtless dissipation of our inner personality-energies, in the ‘Past’and the ‘Future’.

 

He further says to renounce all action unto the Lord and, getting rid of both Hope and Selfishness, must fight, free from all mental fever. How complete this technique is will be evident now to all students of Geeta.

 

The term ‘fight’is to be understood here ‘as our individual fight with circumstances, in the silent battle of life’. Thus, the advice is not for Arjuna alone, but to them all men who would like to live fully and intelligently.

 

And this makes more sense to me when right in the next stanza He says, without caviling, and with only faith in heart, one must live. For one can neither understand fully, nor come to gain the blessings of the way of life, by deep study and noisy discussions. It can be understood and experienced only by living it.

 

*

 

Time again, I have been told that thinking, will not help much, that trying to understand all the concepts of life is only a vain effort. But despite my agreement with them, I fail to accustom myself to these thoughts. The result of which is a PhD in overthinking and a certain sense of guilt and restlessness, and a tinge of permanent anxiety of un-knowingness. I have been told again and again, that to not think much of past and present, and only to live. But it took me more than a decade, and a number of people telling me so, a 100 different experiences and a second reading of this Holy scripture, to finally let myself understand that I can never understand everything (Just the way I can never travel almost every part of the world, or just the way that I can never ever read all the books in the world!!). It was this time, that when I read it, my brains finally, tried accepting this simple fact, it was this time that I felt, that Krishna was speaking to me, (Hypothetically, don’t worry I haven’t turned all too religious overnight and started hallucinating about Gods in front of me) finally making my dumb ass realize that I am not right, that I need to stop doing certain things to myself which are only hurting me more.

 

Now, that I have come to accept it, I am going to start trying to succumb to it; that is my attempts will be to not think much, about the past and-or the future. I will try and leave my ego and all kinds of hope behind, in an attempt of living a life without selfishness, and one full of faith. This does not mean I renounce my Karma, no, it only signifies how I will go about it; that is without my Ego and Hope but full of faith.

 

 

This is how I perceive these stanzas, and I am pretty sure, I still don’t get the inner meaning of them, or the depth of what He was trying to say. All the same I will keep up with my efforts of not understanding anymore, but only living my life, doing my Karma, because I sure ain’t getting younger!!

*

I have used the commentary and the English translation of the verse from the Geeta, written by Swami Chinmayananda.

Please, please just let me be…

Please don’t come again.

I am good, if not at best, without you.

Please just go away.

Please, just let me be.

 

It was really difficult

To disentangle from your black chains,

It was claustrophobic

To always be in your embrace.

 

When you are around

I am not happy,

I am not myself,

I am someone I never want to be.

 

Even your shadows are too dark.

When you are around,

I can barely see straight,

It is all just a maddening gaze.

 

When you are around

Every single thing is black,

Every thing is not beautiful,

Every single thing is not acceptable.

 

Even the smallest thing disturbs me,

Every petty thing gets on me.

I cry and crib over every insignificant thing,

I try and trip over every attempt of smiling.

 

When you are around

My friends turn to enemies,

And I try to find solace in those frenemies,

Failing at the attempt of even breathing.

 

I just can’t see through anything.

My vision blurs

And it is difficult even breathing

I drown and drown absolutely giving in.

 

I have told you,

Please don’t come back

My vision blurs

And I see only black.

 

It is very difficult

To disentangle from your black embrace.

It is always choking

To be tied to your steely embrace.

 

Please, please don’t come back

I am good, if not at best without you.

Please just go away,

Please, please just let me be.

 

PS: Before anyone asks, this is not dedicated to anyone. So the ‘you’ in the above poem is not a person, if it can be called a poem at all.