Words!

Words are important.

What I wrote above are just three words, but if I sit and think about it, it is as significant as words for me.

A person really needs to think what he is saying before he speaks those words out, before it is too late. You cannot take back those words.

Words are a person’s thoughts, his mind, you can really make a person feel loved by them or you can break a person too.

Words are simply significant.

For me words are my feelings, my heart, my soul, my truth. Whatever language they may be in, it doesn’t matter, words are words, and they are me.

I speak very less in person, I like to listen more. (Because most of the time the other person does not like to listen.). But there is a reason I speak less. I think I have no right judging and forcing my views on others. This does not mean I keep things to myself, I let my feelings out too, but in a more measured and careful way. I can’t just bring myself to destroy the other’s belief, right or wrong. May be I overthink this too, as I overthink everything else, but when someone tells me something, I believe it, when someone is rude with his words, I tend to get hurt, or I think I get over-hurt; when someone says something nice to me, I get over-joyed, all because I love the words they have said. I give so much importance to those words, when in actuality they could do with a little less paparazzi. (Only to avoid getting overjoyed and over-destroyed)

But what can I say, I may be an emotional fool to say that words touch me where people fail to.

Words are significant to me.

They touch my soul.

 

To The One Who Dreams

Because I am feeling a little dreamy today,

Because I am reading something too beautiful today,

Because everything is too good to be true today,

Because I believe; today:

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Labour Day!

India is celebrating labour day today and as usual my phone buzzes with messages and wishes of ‘Labour day’, as it happens on any specific day or festival. Most of the companies have started this new trend these days, to send texts and images to everyone celebrating and wishing almost every calendar day.  And even today, I did the same with those texts, opened them and simply ignored them. I don’t know why but I am just not very much attracted to these general, yet very formal messages having no personal touch, and I avoid those texts and images which clutter and fill my phone’s space. Most of the times I don’t even download these images, knowing I am going to delete it just the very minute. Call me rude, but what can I say, I do this and I admit it. If it helps, I do write the person a very formal ‘same to you’ in return.

So, today when I was cleaning my phone gallery when a certain picture caught me. I hadn’t even seen who sent me the said picture, but it got into my nerves and had to find out who sent it. Some of you might get the humour, but I didn’t.

The picture that ‘he’ (The fact that it is a he is significant here) sent me with the caption “Happy Labour’s Day” is below:

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I don’t know, I was just not in the mood or what, but I didn’t like the relation. The concept that a man is a labour for a woman just doesn’t get in my head. Never!!!!

I didn’t say anything, didn’t react but I played the game and sent him two different pictures with the same caption.

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This sure enraged him. “A woman is never a labour…… she is always respected by good men….. why do women have to always turn this on us…… why can’t they take humour…….”

I laughed my heart out after this, it was hilarious him blurting out. When he did it was fine, but when I did it, it was ‘women always turn it on gentlemen”.

Not sure who couldn’t take the humour. Me or him?

Bookish Problems!

All my close friends and the some of the followers here know that I am a big time book nerd, reading being my escape from reality. But my nerd problems extent to a deeper level this week. I share here some pictures of my oh-so-consistent trouble. (Courtesy to google)

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But I dozed off at 300 pages 😦

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Do you think you would be able to live without breathing? DUH!

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Escape Reality!!!!

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I sure have, many times:-D

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I can marry only them with my whole heart 😀

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I already am 😦

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I could really use that money….

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Every single time!!!!

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I mean did I ask you? Did I borrow your money for those books?  Am I occupying your space for those book? Those are my babies, I can have as many as I want 😀

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I wish I could have more respect for tomorrow.

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I definitely would.. Because I would win every single time..

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Oh yeah, baby!!

Do any of you relate to this? Or am I the only one trying to escape reality, living in a fantasy land where I have… Well, everything that I want.

“Your Eyes Speak, Darling!”

It is often advised not to build a business with a friend or a relative, because one of them will never flourish. And the ever adamant person that I am, I will go and definitely do that.

A few years ago I met this person, who initially was abhorred by me but when I got to know him, I realised I was so wrong, completely wrong. And that’s how our friendship began. I had stopped expecting anything out of any relationship by then and so this began as a general acquaintance for me which inadvertently took to a really good friendship. I still didn’t expect anything out of it. When I say ‘expect’ all I mean is that I didn’t expect him to do anything for me, I didn’t expect him to really bother for me or I had no intention in worrying him. I am short of words here.. do you get it? What I am trying to say.

Anyways, so we became good friends and really good friends for that matter where there is no scope of any kind of romantic relationship from both the sides (thankfully). And then after a while we started working together.

I got to know him even better.

Since this is a work-friend relationship we make sure we decide primarily when we are talking as friends, and when as co-workers. But of course many a times we divert ways and so far it has never been ugly.

Today, I met this person after a few days and we were discussing work over a cup of coffee. We were almost done, when I caught him staring at me, more so like glaring at me. My mind went blank, why was he not focused at what I was saying. And I had to snap at him to bring him out of his reverie.

We simply discussed work and as soon as we got finished with it, he blurted out, “Why don’t you go out somewhere? You are truly disturbed and in an objectionable amount of pain.”

I was flummoxed. I almost stammered which is really unlike me and then decided to keep shut, pretending to drink my coffee.

“You go on a leave; you are stressed and really burdened with work, a break would help you.”

We weren’t even discussing anything personal. We were discussing work for God’s sake. How would he know anything about my life right now? I gulped another sip of coffee and stared blankly at him.

“You deserve it,” With that I knew he wouldn’t say anything further.

I knew I had to say something, I couldn’t let him waver. He is my friend too and I owed him an answer. But what?

My hands are wrapped in a fist, and he smiles. Fuck! He does know me well.

I let go of my hands and say “But how would you know any of that?” trying to sound confident and challenging.

Who was I kidding?

“Your eyes speak, darling.”

And just that way, my eyes grew bigger and I gulped down air as fast as I could. He knows me from my eyes? How? Really? Is that possible?

He didn’t ask me anything further; he knew I would never say. I never do. I just shut myself down from emotions. And he left me with that thought.

We finished our coffee, and I diverted him with my tactics, I bombarded him with my questions about him, and made it all about him and I won! We were soon into his problems and how he was dealing with them. We left soon.

He dropped me home as a friend, reminding me to make some work calls as a co-worker. But my mind kept wondering. I didn’t ‘expect’ anything from him. And yet he proved to be really a good friend. Well, more than a good friend.

You just don’t lose these kind of people, whoever they are, and whatever kind of relationship you have with them, you just don’t. They are too special to lose.

 

I Am Done!

I am done.

I am done trying to prove myself,

I am done trying to make myself heard.

I am done trying to prioritize others,

I am done listening to those others,

I am done trying to fit in,

I am done fighting for every little thing,

I am done dealing with those emotions,

I am done with all the toxic potion,

I am simply done with it all,

Now, I simply don’t care, like me or not.

 

Heart! Mind! Or a Grammar Nazi?

Most of the time when I write or post something, it gets confused for being true. Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it is a part of my delusion or imagination. Whatever be it, imagination or truth there is one thing that keeps getting in my way, which is whether to write it with my heart at hand or with my mind. This dilemma between heart and mind is constant, not for me alone but for almost everyone. And it is true to writing too, that when it comes to a battle between heart and mind there is absolutely no one who can win.

If you think with your heart your mind loses but if you consider things with your mind your heart loses. There is nothing new here, right?

But there is a set pattern I have noticed in myself, in my writings precisely. Going through my past posts and or certain unpublished pieces I realised that when I have written with rationality the pieces are fine, but when I have my emotions out, I make mistakes as silly as no one who knows proper grammar will make.

Yesterday going through one of my posts, I remembered a long lost incident from my school. When I was in my early school days my English teacher used to make sure that we made no grammatical errors in our grammar paper, for this she would go to really great extremes, so much, as when we made a certain mistake we would have to write it on a sheet of paper at least 50 times. Writing that correct sentence for so many times, I don’t think anyone would make that mistake again. One such time even I had written sentences like, “No sooner did….” And “I didn’t know….”  For 50 times so that I would never make that mistake again. And that is how I remember even today how the tenses work.

But when yesterday I was reading one particular post where my heart was literally put out into words, I realised that I had lost sense of grammar and I had literally gone as far as writing, “I didn’t knew.” (I am ashamed!)

If my English teacher would read that today, she would laugh at me till her cheeks would hurt. First she wouldn’t even believe that I could write that, and then if she would have believed it, finally, then she would certainly laugh at my callousness, and loss of my sanity.

So we go to such extremes, isn’t it, when our hearts are not in their places? Or should I say when our minds are not in our places?

Can there ever be equilibrium when it comes to the matters of heart? Can we ever rationalise things or we are for ever to be acting as the lost ones when we just cannot chose between our hearts and minds?

Cogito Ergo Sum. ["I think Therefore I am"]

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