Why?

I stood there stumped, knowing not what to do, I had no idea what was happening, what was all the fuss about? The people around me were exhilarated, but why? I was at a party or a gathering, but why? Everything seemed chic and elegant, people sipping red wine, women bothered with their dresses, men seemed to be discussing on serious issues and in the end was an elevated stage, and someone was announcing my name. Oh! my name but why?

I stood there defining myself in the dark crimson evening gown holding onto my clutch and the phone, trying not to smudge my make-up. But as usual I embarrassed myself in front of everyone as the tears trolled down my kohl outlined eyes. I started walking towards the stage, took just a step ahead when someone blocked my way. A woman, she was holding a book in hand and as I look bewildered she thrust it towards me and also gave me a pen, but why?

I heard my name being announced yet again. I smiled and walked with tears in my eyes, trying to stop them, but why?

The woman stopped me again, an asked me to sign the book, but why? I saw the book and I couldn’t just contain myself. I lost all control. I cried and laughed, all at the same time. The book cover had my name on it and I just needed to sit down to get control of myself, but why?

With shivering hands I signed the book and the moment I returned it, I woke up; but why?

Why did I have to wake up?

PC: Pinterest

 

 

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Her last wish

She was an old lady and considered her life to be content with life with children, grandchildren, and even great grandchildren. She had lived happily until her last few days which had been too torturing and too painful for her old soul. Doctors had reported only 24% of her heart to be working and one of her kidney’s had been dysfunctional too. Constantly being shifted from CCU to ICU and back and forth, we had lost all our hopes; but she hadn’t.

There was this big religious event in our city which was long awaited for. Basically the ‘Dhwaja’ i.e. the flag which is hoisted in the temple of ‘Shrinath ji’ was to be brought to our city. This auspicious moment is too rare and is considered very pious. Well, I don’t know much about it so coming straight to the point, this dear old lady wanted to witness this propitious moment.

“The second I see the ‘dhwaja’ take me, my lord. Just let me see it once.” This was kind of her last wish. Every single person in her family wanted it to happen, everyone wanted her to stay, at least to be the spectator of this great event.

Ironically enough the moment the flag reached our city she breathed her last. Her dear wish was in the same city and she could not see it.

Her last wish remained unsatisfied or will she find peace in His abode. Her faith was so strong that even we thought that she’d live to see the Holy figure. Unfortunately, not. I for a matter think that it was good that she was relieved of this terrible pain that her body was for almost 10 days and more.

I am no one to comment here on anything. It’s just that I have heard too much about this dear lady and ‘her last wish’ in the past few days and couldn’t help but pour out my mind here. And as for this flag thing- for me it was just materialistic, the true God, the true faith resides in you, in your heart. Do your Karma and leave everything else on the destiny. Everything can never be in our control so why even try it. I hope she finds content above the glimpse of the materialistic ‘dhwaja.’

Just another angry woman!!!

I am just another angry woman

Who screams and cries pressing a pillow against her mouth.

 

I am just another angry woman

Whose father abounds her in her own house,

Leaving behind no scope for dreams and aspirations.

 

I am just another angry woman

Who screams inside

While her mother can never take her side.

 

I am just another angry woman

Who screams awild

When her brother says she can’t party tonight.

 

I am just another angry woman

Who bites her lips

When her husband tries to wound her soul.

 

I am just another angry woman

Who washes and cleans

While her mother in law goes to a beauty dream.

 

I am just another angry woman

Who completes the school book

While her carefree son goes on to his father’s good books.

 

I am just another angry woman

Who vows to take her daughters side

If only I knew how it would be astride.

I am just another angry woman.

I am just another angry woman.

 

 

That dream

I am a dreamer, not only a day dreamer but I dream almost every other day in my sleep, sometimes it makes sense but the other times it is almost a chain of events which are not bound to happen or even more the chances of happening any of it or all of it together is negligible.

So what I saw recently?

I was in a bus journey with a couple of my friends; we are stacking our luggage and getting ready for the trip. We were all excited and yet I seemed lost, as always. I don’t know what, but something bothered me and kept me from being the chirpy me.

But just in a blink of an eye I was at a house, I know not where. I tried to figure out the house but I can remember nothing of it or no resemblance strikes me. I was standing at the end of it, in the last room when suddenly I realise the whole house is swathed in fire and I am screaming mad at the flames. But that is all I am doing, I am just standing there and screaming and trying in the least to save myself. Just when I realise that I am doing nothing I try to run through a slight space from the back door. (Sure the replication of our movies where most of the times that help)

And here, well just as I pass through the door, I am in the bus journey again with a different set of friends’ altogether. Now how did that happen? I sure did not see that coming.

But then one of my friend is saying that he will first drop me home and then leave, a lot has happened and I should take care of myself. Now why that? Why this dream? And why fire? Why should someone drop me? And how can I survive the damn fire? And how can all this be interlinked? I mean just how and why?

PS: I woke up with this dream in my mind and continued thinking about it all day long. I can not refer to any of it as a resemblance to my life, apart from my friends. Well if anything I’d like to know where exactly my trip was headed to? (If nothing I would have liked roaming about some hill stations or a beach.

That relationship!

These days we have various relationships, you have someone specifically for going shopping, someone special with whom you go buying books, someone with whom you go on dinners, and someone with whom you can talk on and on…

I don’t know much about emailing friends and writing letters having done it scarcely but all I can say about this is I feel immensely exultant when I have someone whom I can talk to in writing. I cannot say for others but I have some friends with whom I might not have met often, with whom I never shopped, neither went on dinners but when we ‘talk’ it is absolutely different, it is almost like no one else can understand you.

These very few and precious friends of mine obviously do get sometimes frustrated with my callous ignorance but they are always there. We might not even call each other; just texting would suffice where we would pour our hearts out. (It is almost like ‘You’ve got mail!)

You know, texting may sound weird, but when someone truly loves you they don’t just say ‘k’ or ‘cool’ they just ramble on and honestly I love these people who know I won’t be able to express myself unless in writing and who would take out their time and literally ‘type’ out long messages for you.  It is like they care for you and not for the fact that they you don’t have much time to go out with them since you are long apart.

It is totally different from other relationships, without any expectations apart from the fact that they’d listen to you and it is purely precious. Otherwise where do you get such people these days, who’d listen to you and your unending pathetic feelings instead of going out in a club and shutting out your voices beneath the loud music?

PC: Google

The fighting cows

There were two cows, fighting over a bag of plastic thrown callously on the ground beside the bin. They were struggling with their mouths to try tearing the bag so as to eat something out of it. The bag wouldn’t slit and the cows wouldn’t let go. I saw this for a full five minutes after which one of them just left, walking away and not even glancing behind. Just then, just that very moment a lady walked towards the dejected cow and provided her with some food, all sorts of vegetables and a few chapattis. The cow gratifyingly swallowed the food while the other one was still rebelling over with the bag of plastic which had nothing but scraps of paper.

It was a Sunday morning; I was sitting in my terrace garden surrounded by the beautiful flowers, shaded by the warm sun in a cold morning, sipping hot coffee when I was awarded with this atrocious match between two cows. Well, you may laugh but it was worth watching in that sunny morning and procuring a moral that we ought to learn so as not to obfuscate our lives. In the struggle of being so adamant and stubborn and trying to control our lives we have forgotten that there are some things that we just can’t control. However much we try there are few things which are beyond our measures and we ought to let them happen as and when they happen, we have to stop trying to get almost everything. That is not the plan, sometimes letting go may find you something better, and something way more than what you were pining for.

Just this one time why not try and let go instead of trying too hard to have it all. May be something way better is waiting instead of something that we have to settle for. Just this one time?

Cogito Ergo Sum. ["I think Therefore I am"]

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