Being responsible

And that’s where the irony lies

I know we all are meant to be doing something worthwhile in our lives. We are required to have a good education, a well-paid job and a nice living standard. I understand we have to be responsible and we can’t live our lives like some careless person.

But if I could tell you the truth, for once in my life I am enjoying a few days where I could sleep till late, eat a cake in the morning. For once I am allowed to not have a job and do what I really aspire. And for the first time in my life I am enjoying the pleasure of drinking cups and cups of coffee while reading my favourite classic and eating easy pasta for dinner.

For a change I do like being pampered and a day’s rest when I am not even tired. I am kind of having pleasure in eating, sleeping, reading, praying and repeating.

I thought if Elizabeth Gilbert could do it in ‘Eat Pray Love’ then I could try it too but there is this same guilt of eating gourmet in the morning and repenting for not being able to concentrate on anything and the quest of finding oneself.

Unfaltering love; Is it possible?

Last night I was watching Romedy Now and the evergreen show ‘How I Met your Mother’ popped up on the screen. The season was at the point when Ted Mosby decided to leave New York for the love of his life. I had to admit that I have seen this show innumerable time, and every time this scene comes up it makes me nostalgic. Then today I watched a Bollywood movie P.K and again had to see an alien sacrificing for the love of his life.

Okay, this is still imaginary and telecast-ed entertainment but then I have also heard that the Goddess Radha ji stayed away from Lord Krishna because they both loved each other.

Let’s even leave this as this is mythology, but what about Romeo and Juliet, Heer and Ranja and Laila and Majnu? I mean as far as I know these people were true lovers.

Yet I am absolutely unsure about the possibilities of so deep and true a relationship, so meaningful love and such unfaltering trust and faith on each other.

As far as I am concerned I am yet to come across  such selfless and altruistic love for another person in my journeys and travels. Does it actually exist or is it just in mere fables that I hear such stories and get nostalgic and all teary eyed?


Coming of age

So I was reading ‘The lord of the rings’ by J.R.R Tolkien and it made me thinking. Well, for the hobbits ‘coming of age’ is when they turn 33. So, what exactly does this term signify for us humans?

All my life I used to think that coming of age is just a term and in actuality we come of age when we are ready on the inside to do it. But now I wonder when exactly we know that we are ready because every time something new comes up I freak out and I freak out real bad. The only thing remains for me to do is pack my bags and run away, again.

I don’t know when am I going to “come of age”, now that age is just a number for me. I may be 30 and yet not ready to get married or I may be 28 and not want a child yet or even I may be 20 and not know what to do with my life.

But I am sure that everything happens as and when it has to happen and we, mere puppets don’t guide everything on this planet so I think I will come of age when the time would be right and not when the society would want me to; unlike like Frodo in the book.

What can I say?

What can I say? It is all so overwhelming. This is the month of august, in fact today is the last day of this month and yet it just doesn’t seem like it. Just think of it, years ago this would be an approach of winter, a welcome to the chill and adieu to the monsoons but this is all so bizarre. Yesterday the temperature was 35’C and the humidity up to 80% here. There is of course no sign of monsoon let alone the winters approaching.

How peculiar it is that just weeks ago the city was all flooded and the dam gates were about to open submerging the city even more and now just the reverse has happened. What can one do? It is all nature, right?

It’s like even the time wants to go back in reverse. But it ain’t going to happen.

Everything that we have done has affected our beautiful nature and will continue to do so unless we take a step to change it. What’s done is done but at least we can amend the future. We can stop doing what we did and take an affirmative step ahead. Wouldn’t that be great?

Pre dated

So, today I get up in the morning, grab a cup of coffee and pick up the newspaper from the door. I know, it sounds bit too old and orthodox, who reads news still in the newspaper where the world is full of bullet news and tablets and mobile friendly news and news-apps; well for starters I do.

And here I smelt the well-known scent and noticed the black ink already imprinted on my fingers. There were a lot of things to attract one’s mind, “Women of steel with dreams of gold” or “Kashmir valley curfew lifted after 52 days” but there was something else that captured me in such a way that I couldn’t circumvent it. It was an article in TOI, “Daddy dearest” by Bikram Vohra.

I felt it was kind of funny and too apt to be true. The article is based on how a husband would initially take up all the responsibility for his wife and his new born and then slowly retreats from it. So by the time he has a third child he almost feels he has no accountability towards the household.

For the record, it has always been like this. A husband pampers his pregnant wife and then takes care of his new born until he gets tired but then slowly he gets tired of the nappy changing and the cries that hinder his sleep.

But has anyone ever thought of the poor woman who is always stuck with every inch of the responsibility of the children and even the household, despite the fact that her partner was in the same fault as her so as to conceive 3 children. What about her friends, her job, her leisure time? Doesn’t she get tired of everything? Isn’t she allowed to lose her temper for once and leave everything on someone else? Why is it always that a woman has to put up a sacrifice? Of course the children are to be raised properly and when the husband does not show up the woman is stuck with everything. She has to do it by hook or by crook.

Even women want to be liberated sometimes and for once not to worry if her daughter is crying or what her in-laws might be doing or what to make for dinner, but there are hardly any chances for her.

Is it all predated that a woman is to look after the household chores and yet not be respected and cherished while a man has to just earn and have fun on Sundays?

Me v/s him

I was walking down the road, silently really quietly in order to gain no one’s attention, to avoid any possible contact with any human being. I was in no mood to tackle anyone, I had had a very ‘bad day’. Well, it was a usual bad day, a lot of pressure from my training madam and a lot of stress on my body. The interstate dance competition was nearing and I lacked practice in my routine. Clearly, I could say nothing to my senior, she was the one helping me in winning the competition, not the vice versa so I stayed numb to her but this path to my home seemed unending and the torture on my body seemed unbearable. Oh if only I could fly off to my room.

I was so exasperated with my own incapability of not coping up that I wanted no person to talk to me, no hindrance between me and a long bath. Even the cool evening breeze after the rain, the ‘Petrichor’ did not sooth me.

It was only when I almost neared my house that I heard a small boy calling after me. The boy was in a jagged state, rugged clothes, unwashed hair, and foul whiff passing from him and yet a sweet smile contrasting everything else. He was almost shouting, “Sister something fell off.”

He was 10 steps behind me and it was my cell phone. I requested him, “Could you please bring that to me?”

“Come and take it for yourself.” He clearly thought he had done his job to inform me and now it was my responsibility to look after my things, in this case my beloved cell phone without wish I wouldn’t even know the next days practice schedule.

“Brother, please pass that to me, I am very tired.”

“Did you not hear me, you lost something and it is now your duty to get that yourself. Come here and take it.”

Of course I went there like a rich brat for her cell phone but I was paralysed when I bent down to take it. The boy? He had no legs. Oh my Good Lord, he had no legs, he could not move and here I was trying to make him help me. It was just a horror for me.

I was tired from practice? He was probably tired of life.

All flabbergasted I could only mutter, “I am sorry.” But his beaming smile made me feel even guiltier.


Of course we all have our own troubles and someone else’s troubles may be more than us. Everyone has their own share of problems but none of us can take it or give it, it is not in our hands. We can also not help how we feel for one’s happiness or sorrow; if we are happy we are blissful but when we someone else is happier than us we tend to be jealous. Well, we are all humans and we can just not stop such feelings, but what is in our hands is not to do anything that we would repent afterwards, if we feel jealous we feel it but going beyond the line would be wrong and not recommended. If we feel happy we should say it. Talking is what we people don’t do anymore.

I think if I had minded my own business took up my phone and walked away I would be happier. If I had not hoped for his help, it would be easier to not feel guilty and sad about his broken legs. It would be easier to forget his grinning face.

Continue reading Me v/s him

Improving oneself

I know, we all want to be perfect, at least I want to be but unfortunately we are all not born seamless and impeccable. Unlike some who are always unsurpassed at almost everything, at least at things where they want to be consummate and matchless; some people like me have to strive and struggle for being just above the level, just overhead the average line. I think few people would relate to this.

I honestly have never been best at anything. I have always had to work hard really hard to prove myself even at the simplest things. A very petty example would be to increase my vocabulary in English, and I have to say that I had taken a small step towards it i.e. solving puzzles. I do this often starting at the base, I wouldn’t even mind if I had to start at Grade 1 of anything if that makes me good at something and why not? It is for my own benefit.

I think that this rather helps me enhancing myself. I know I am not perfect but why not take a tiny step towards it and cherish the journey rather than wining about not being the no 1?

I agree I am not no 1 but I am undeniably not the last. I am somewhere in the midst trying to pull myself out of the utter scuffle between being the best and being the loser. I am trying to improve myself.


Cogito Ergo Sum. ["I think Therefore I am"]

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