Tag Archives: breathe

When You Just Cannot Breathe!

I was strangled. A rope tied around my neck, the grip was getting tighter by the second, and my eyes were widening with the same force. Beads of sweat rolled from my forehead, to the corners of my cheeks, towards the chin falling onto my breasts, mingling with the musk beneath.

 

I tried to free my hands, my legs, but all I could do was to sway in motion on the floor, wriggling like a paralyzed dog. Then came the panic attack and I couldn’t breathe, I thought it was just an attack out of fear, but no I couldn’t breathe any more. My mouth was trying to tear through the duct tape- in vain kissing it. My eyesight was simply wading, I could barely see any more. People were coming in, finally coming in view, but just at that very moment my eyes gave in, my senses were crumbling. Legs were moving in front of me, I could see through the watery eyes, despite the blazing fury. I could listen to their heartfelt laughter, despite the wringing noise in my ears.

I kicked one last time, in vain.

I gripped my hands with the fingers through the rope, in vain.

I stomped, wriggled, in vain.

I craned my neck, in vain.

I breathed the last sigh, trying to relieve the pain, but in vain.

I strained to see, but all in vain.

I shut my eyes, falling deep, deep into the oceans of nothingness, uncertainty.

I was so choked up, I just couldn’t breathe, I lost all hope, surrendering to that uncertainty.

And just then I woke up, finally breathing again.

I Cannot Breathe.

 

Open the door

Open the windows.

Let the thinnest air in,

For I cannot breathe in.

 

Let me feel the breeze

Let me cherish the wind.

Allow me to swallow the air,

For I cannot breathe in.

 

Unclasp your fingers from

Around my neck.

Loosen your hold

From around my hips,

For I cannot breathe in.

 

It is raining outside.

The clouds passing by

The lightening that just went by.

I can see the shower

Trickling down the trees.

The mud dancing down the roads.

The strong winds

Blowing away the leaves.

And yet, I cannot breathe in.

That Playful Drop of Water!

One of the perks of living in a small city is, you are almost always close to nature, especially when your city is known to be clean and green. I cannot say that this is the cleanest of all but when compared to all the other cities that I have been in, my city is unquestionably clean and green for that matter.

I mention one of the perks above, because the other one is extremely less traffic, which helps me to go on long drives even during the day. Today was one such day where I had the exceptional chance to delight in and devour the gorgeous and deadly amalgamation of nature’s tricks.

I was on my way to let’s say ‘someplace’ when unexpectedly and yet incessantly my inner goddess was screaming at me to divert ways. And I am a fan of her, my inner goddess, you know. I just cannot desert her. After all she is the one who stays with me, always; my constant and unbroken support even when I don’t listen to her and make wrong decisions. And so, I avert ways.

Where? I don’t know but I do what she says and instantly I am drawn to the most secluded part of the city. I don’t know what I am doing, and where am I going, all I know is I am driving. I am driving to the most serene part of the city, and to the most magnificent part of the day.

And suddenly I am unerringly aware of my surroundings.

There are two roads diverging in front of me, and I take the one that is less crowded 😉

I am driving at a very measured speed. I am in no hurry and I am instantly overwhelmed by the towering trees on both sides of the road, making it difficult to even look at the sky, the daunting sky!

Leisurely, I stop my vehicle and park it in a corner. There is a bench on the corner of the road and I sit there for a while. I breathe. The smell is so fresh, that I close my eyes and get drunk with it. I am already losing consciousness. But the mere sight of my inner goddess dancing and scowling at me makes me instantly aware. I am aware, surprisingly well aware of a glorious sunset, right in front of me, where the road seems to end, where I can see something more than those intimidating trees, where I can see the hint of a sky, an orange sky where the sun is setting at its own pace. It seems to me like a horizon, a place to where I want to walk. I know I cannot reach there, but the prospect is enticing.

The place is disturbingly secluded, but I am okay with it. Slowly, I walk to the middle of the road, where I can see the slightest hint of that orange hue from midst of those trees and look up.

It is so beautiful that I want to keep staring, keep soaring. But even Icarus was rewarded for soaring too high. I shut my eyes after a long time, and look down, and yet there is a deep auburn and bright echo inside my sealed eyes.

Just then, when I thought I had listened enough to my inner goddess and should head back, a chilled drop of water fell on my neck, and ran through my back, sending shivers down my spine.

Oh, the shivers that it gave me, taking me completely by surprise!

I shot up, glaring wide-eyed right at the sky.

Questions squirming.

Mixed feelings.

Dancing emotions

And a thrilled inner goddess.

I smiled!

And just as my smile brightened at that inconsistent and erratic sky; another drop of that startling water touched the corner of my mouth, running down my chin, further down my neck and finally mingling with the musk of my breast.

Oh, the feeling, the sensation that it passed through me.

A small bead of that water making me squirm?

There were butterflies all around.

White trivial flowers were thrown across the path, below the trees.

And then it started drizzling!

I have never loved rain so much.

Never!!

I let myself soak in that cool and unseasonal rain and I don’t care about being drenched.

Listlessly, not wanting to go; not wanting to let go of that pleasing picture, I move.

I start driving, nearing the horizon, that which seemed remote and distant; unreachable.

I am driving as slow as I can balance, as slow as I can allow myself to believe that I am moving forward. I just don’t want to let go of that spectacle, but neither do I want to reach that skyline.

And just when I am nearing the end, just when I feel I am losing those looming tress, I see some colours. It’s not blue of the rains, and it is not orange of that blinding sun.

It is every single colour of the rainbow!

I can see it, I can almost feel it, and now even I am dancing in my mind. My heart is in my mouth, and I am euphoric.

What more could I possible want in that moment?

 

I can see all the colours right in front of me. And what I feel and what I see is beyond words.

In that moment, I don’t want to move, I don’t want to go forward, I want to be there. Simply be there.

I am static now, my head slightly tilted to the left, admiring every inch of nature, wind gushing my senses, splattering locks of my untamed hair on my face.

And in that moment, there is a small salty droplet dripping from my eyes, caressing my skin, inking my cheeks, warming it with its sensations that I had not felt in a long while.

And suddenly I am alive!