Tag Archives: crying

Changes.

Nothing is permanent, except change.

 

Change is the only constant.

 

Things change in life.

 

People come and go.

 

These simple words refuse to sit within my irate mind and destroy its peace. Is it so difficult to grasp these simple facts and live with it?

 

Yes, I know I am being unreasonable, I am and I can’t help it. And you know what, I want to be. For a little while I want to be this super childish person who is for once, just for a little while allowed to make all unnecessary and unreasonable demands. I don’t expect them to get fulfilled, I know they can’t, I juts want them to be there, for a while be the not so mature person.

 

I know things have to change, for good or for worse, I know these people have to go, whether I like it or not, but just for once I want to sit back and whine a little. Because however hard I pretend and try to feel that all of it doesn’t matter, in reality it does. Yes, it does matter.

 

There, I said it. It all matters, it all hurts, and I don’t like it.

 

Having said that, I also understand that I can’t control everything, neither do I want to. I also realize that I will very soon learn to have these changes in my life. I understand that I will accept these changes whole-heartedly, and very soon these things wouldn’t even matter. But until then I want to sit back, lie down, and just for once admit these feelings to myself. For once I want to let myself cry and laugh and do whatever I wish to. I will move on, I just want a little more time to adjust to this change.

 

 

Imaginary Concept.

This might make me sound absolutely vulnerable, too emotional and to a certain extent meek and fragile, but I have to get it out, out of my head, out of my system!

So the question is- can an imaginary concept, a tale that has never happened, never going to happen, an incident which is absolutely fictional, and a plot twist which you might not even pen down make you cry? Is it really possible?

Yesterday, in the night when everyone around me was dead to the world, I opened my laptop and was just trying to write something, anything that my mind would be willing to work on. I ditched the laptop soon and adapted the notebook and a pen. I had just started to scribble something, when my mind started racing, the thoughts started flowing. And I lost track, and swam with the thoughts. I had completely stopped writing and was simply thinking about how the plot could go.

I was blind with tears just in a couple of minutes, I was not writing, I was not even taking notes. My own plot; my own construction made me cry!!!!

I remained still for a while; I did not stir but eventually in a mixed emotional state of fury and guilt, rage and helplessness, I erased everything, tore the sheets, and shut the laptop.

I don’t understand what happened. I don’t know how I could cry at own plot, how a fictional story which was not even written down could make me so exposed and defenceless. But it happened and all I felt like doing was to erase that memory from my mind. Simply remove it.

It felt like could I be so cruel? Really, me?

I don’t know what was it that made me cry, the wretched circumstance, or the fact that I imagined myself as the protagonist of the same.

My knight, In his shining armour.

Has it ever happened to you that you do not feel like doing anything? When you want to but just do not feel good? When you want to cry your eyes out and you don’t even know why? When you want to sit on the rooftop and talk to someone who really understands you and laugh like hell? When you want to just sit and listen and smile?

Yesterday was more of that kind of day for me when work kept piling up and yet my body and mind refused to remove any single layer of it. So, in the evening when I had finally realised that nothing is going to work for me at that time I finally took out my phone and texted Mr. H and for my sweet luck I didn’t get any text back. “May be busy.” I thought.

I called up Miss Y, “Hey, what’s up? I am going to a birthday party; can I give you a call later?”

Hmmmmmmmm

I call Mr. V, “Hi, You know what I just left for XYZ, I am driving now, I’ll give you a call when I reach there.” I put down the phone without even telling him that I wanted to talk for a while.

Well, well, well, just my luck. My timing of my bad mood couldn’t have been better. None of them were free. The fact that they were busy wasn’t troubling me but why couldn’t just for once things be different? For once there could have been someone who would have talked me to laughing out loud and be the chirpy girl that I like to be.

Anyways, so there I was trying to get better and guess what came to my rescue? My knight in the shining armour couldn’t have been better? F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes once again and a big bar of chocolate and the next thing I knew I was laughing at Joey’s callousness, Phoebe’s ditzy-ness, Ross and Rachel’s “We-were-on-a-break” and Mondler’s everlasting love.

PS: The bar of chocolate added up a lot too. J