Tag Archives: decisions

Peace or being right?

Sometimes, you keep struggling what you don’t need struggling for.

Sometimes, you keep fighting what you don’t need fighting for.

And sometimes, you keep trying when in reality you don’t need to be trying at all.

In actuality you might be doing everything in vain, rejecting your peace and instead dealing with all of unnecessary thoughts.

May be all you need is peace and not keep fighting for something which is beyond you.

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A Woman That You Don’t Desire!

I am a woman.

I am black, I am white,

I am wheatish.

I am a woman beyond colour.

A woman that you don’t desire.

 

I am fierce, I am wild,

I am not feminine, not masculine,

I am a woman, beyond qualities and quantities.

 

I am fat, I am too thin,

I have flappy breasts and heavy thighs,

I am a woman beyond any shape and size.

A woman that you don’t desire.

 

I am emotional, I am sentimental,

I, may be cry a lot,

I am a woman, who speaks her heart out.

 

I am a woman, not a commodity.

I have my own rights and decisions,

I am a woman who owns power.

A woman that you don’t desire.

 

I am beyond pink, beyond the kitchen walls,

I am beyond the dresses that I wear,

I am beyond the qualities that the society wants me to bear.

 

I am self-sufficient, relentless,

I am happy, I am sad.

I am a woman that has in her all.

A woman that you don’t desire.

 

I am a woman that has been smiling,

I am a woman that has been celebrating herself,

Every single day, not only on this women’s day.

 

I am a woman that you have been mistreating,

I am her, whom you have been supressing,

I am a woman who has still always been fighting.

A woman that you don’t desire.

 

I am a woman, you fucking idiot,

I can never be owned, never be chained,

I am a free bird.

 

I am a woman that you are scared of,

I am a woman that you can’t ever celebrate,

I am the women you always wanted to destroy.

A woman that you don’t desire.

 

Well, I do not care.

I am a woman of resilience.

I am the woman that can fly,

I am the woman, who pines to reach heights,

A woman that you can’t desire.

 

 

Lost Opportunities!

What do you do when an opportunity knocks at your door, a good opportunity that you were not seeking, that you were not waiting for, and which came out of the blue? A normal human like you would open the door in a flick and grab that opportunity to may be never let it go, right? But the ever questioning woman that I am, the ever reasonable and rationale seeking person that I am, always, always does otherwise. I, for that matter, when an opportunity knocks, do not grab hold of it. What I do is, I open the door, pick it up, trying to make myself feel that I might just keep it this time, but instead set it aside and leave the room, the house, and run  away, as far away as I can.

It is not that I don’t ever want that chance; I am a human after all. But every single time, reasons and other plights and scrapes take hold over that door and shut its bolts.

Well, I am not complaining, I cannot. It was my decision, and I am in all means responsible for it. Neither do I regret it, nor this time, nor have I ever. Every single time I bid adieu to something which I couldn’t get hold of, I have never regretted it. Sometimes it might have made me nostalgic, a bit sentimental may be, but as time elapses I get over it.

But what keeps me going is the road beyond that door, with no limits, the free air, the cool breeze, and those tiny little droplets of hope.

The process isn’t easy though.  Sometimes is crucial and sometimes it’s a cakewalk, well it depends every time.

But every single time, I wonder what if this was my last opportunity? What if that door never opens again? What if nothing else comes up? What if I have exhausted all my opportunities? What if no other window opens up?

But then again, that is a chance I am willing to take, for the same sake of reasons and plights which I leave them.

They say, an opportunity lost is an opportunity gained, at least the optimists do. (Unlike the pessimists whose exhortation would be “An opportunity lost is lost forever) May be I gain another opportunity every single time, and may be some of these days; I am going to have to remind myself that their stock is being heaped down soon.

I could simply say, at this point, I can relate to Kazuo Ishiguro when he said, “There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.”

PS: Do you guys go through any of this? Do you regret your decisions? What do you think, is every opportunity lost, lost forever? Or do you think everything happens for a reason, and are a hopeless disciple of destiny?

My Sister’s Keeper

Warning: I might end up discussing the story of the book too.

I was reading, so that I could kill my time, I was reading so that I could have a Sunday on a Monday, I was reading so that I could find out what actually happens to Anna, what about Kate? Will she live? Will she die? How is the family going to take it? How will Sara react when she finds out that her own daughter files a case against her and her husband, Brian? What is wrong with Jesse, their oldest son? What kind of chemistry do Campbell and Julia share, and what exactly is Judge, the dog for?

My sister’s keeper by Jodi Picoult has all the answers to it, and I was on the verge of finding them. Hardly did I know that by then I will be left shattered, once again. I really have lost count how many times a simple book has done that to me by now.

Devouring the last few pages of the book, digging my nails into the covers of the book, I realised that I was almost crying, at least on the verge of. I was battling hard to even breathe by now.

I mean, what, how, when, why???

It is then, that I realised that we have absolutely no control of our lives, we may think, we have, but no, we do not have even a grasp over it. I felt like a mere puppet playing the so called game, life.

We think we can control our lives, but all we have is a most shallow form of control, a simple interpretation of life, when in reality it is far more intense with lot many twists and turns which we can never in our rarest dreams anticipate.

Kate was the one suffering with some sort of cancer, Anna was the once conceived to donate her organs to her sister, then how come this end to a story?

The book is simply about Anna fighting for herself, but in the end what happens is really what I did not expect.

I kept the book aside, pages fluttering with the air, the ceiling fan really creaking down on me, and there I slept with the small lamp switched on, for the lightest hope to cling on to.