Tag Archives: dilemma

Confusional Emotions!!

How do emotions work?

Yeah, you heard me right, yes, I am asking about the workings of emotion. As simple as  it might sound to you, I am at a loss when it comes to it’s answer. How exactly do they work?

For most of the ‘normal people’ it works as laughter with happiness and a dam full of tears with sadness, rage with anger and confusion with bewilderment. And yet I fail to adapt to this very simple fact and working of a heart. This makes me wonder, do I even have a heart like any other normal person? Well, of course I have one, but surely it is ill-positioned and ill functioning. It is definitely not where it should have been.

Why this sudden burst of thoughts? I have no idea. Most of the times I don’t know how to deal with them and as any other person I live in denial, till they subside a little and finally I can deal with them.

I don’t know why and how this happens with me, but sometimes when I should be really confused about a serious decision, I know the answer instead. It is absolutely straight to me as to what should I do, and I have my judgments clear. (So far so good, never been in trouble; fingers crossed)

Then when I should be really angry at someone, I let it go. I don’t even give it much of a thought. I am told by people again and again, that it is a wrong decision, but I let it go. Morals win over, I guess. I don’t know, I just don’t even feel angry then or what. But then suddenly the very same person does something which is really insignificant this time, but I think my patience has been tried enough, and I burst…. I burst till I have nothing left inside and I simply let out my anger over that inconsequential matter. Where do my morals go then? (I ask this because I can be really mean when I am angry; when I am angry and I lose it. I will admit that I get angry easily, but I don’t lose it so soon, I guess those are two different things.)

When I should be really upset or sad about anything, people are tensed to their nerves beside me, and I have to forcefully stifle a laugh. I mean why, how?? Why will I want to laugh at a crucial time? (Get my dilemma?)

Yes, this next thing is going to be hilarious. When I should be smiling and laughing and be really happy, I have to supress my sobs. And I roll my eyes and ask myself “really?”

This happened just yesterday, when I was reading (Yes simply reading, not even a real life situation) and I had to conquer over few stray tears. What I was reading was something too sweet, too beautiful, too happy (too good to be true) and yet there I was gripping my fist, scratching my toes, trying to stop myself from crying.

So back to my question, how do emotions work? Or should I ask why I am so weird? (Rolling my eyes constantly at the second question)

The Problem Of Calling It ‘A Problem’.

The situation usually one deals with is that where, as a human, you create a problem, then worry over it, then scale the said problem, then you work it out and then finally you get it done with. The problem is then forgotten, learnt from and in the distant past soon. That is the usual plan, right, when it comes to dealing with your problems in life, big or small?

But off late I have been acquainted with another problem, or should I say a problem of looking at this problem matter? Very recently I have been analysing it differently. Yes, we all have problems, I get it. No one’s life is a cake-walk. But now I know there could be another situation too, another very raw way to look at the said problems. In this second situation, as a human you create problems, then worry over it, then scale it with all your other problems, weight the importance of this problem, and then before even solving it, you scale your problems with someone else’s problems, then you realise that your problem may not be of even a little worth in comparison to the other persons’. Then guilt pricks you, gnaws at you, crawls all over you, to even think about your problem as a problem. Then, that guilt becomes your problem, for even thinking that you had a problem when all this while other people have real important matters to look into. And finally, with that guilt, comes back your first problem, and you start wondering how do you even define this problem as a problem? You want to let it go, without calling it a crisis, but it knock you back down and doesn’t let you get up until you call it with its previous name, ‘the problem’.

So the second situation has two problems, and no solution? The guilt keeps haunting you, and then somehow you just move on? You have no solution because, solutions are meant for problems, but you constantly reject the idea of it being called a problem. How can you? You have seen worst and now you want to fuss over your little princess problems? But unless you try and get it done with you just have to keep dealing with the problems….

I have no idea what I have written above here. But honestly, if you get me, what can a person possibly do in such a situation?

A Supplementary Question Paper!

When life is already disarraying, my fate really plays good with me, it adds on to the miseries and dilemma. As if, I already wasn’t dealing with enough questions, I have a supplementary sheet to answer, which accordingly is not optional!!

I wouldn’t say the questions are really difficult, they are simple questions, pertaining to the syllabus; life!! And yet here I am struggling to merely swim above the level, simply trying to breathe.

I wouldn’t say these are really miseries, and if I were to mention them as agonies, they are the sweet ones. The only trouble is I don’t know how to deal with them. The lack of experience, knowledge, you could say anything pertaining to the curriculum, which leads me to jitter at the possible thought of simply sitting with the question paper.

So, what do I do?

My heart has a very simple answer!

But the practical me always wins!! It has reasons and explanation, a supplementary brief study for almost every Multiple Choice Questions too! It has a basic tendency to analyse and criticise, take future and past into hand.

Again, I ask, what do I do?

I am pretty sure, this is going to sound more of a rambling post, rather than a scream for help.

So, I really don’t know what to do. As I already mentioned, the questions aren’t demanding, only, the answers are a little more convoluted.