Tag Archives: guilt

The Problem Of Calling It ‘A Problem’.

The situation usually one deals with is that where, as a human, you create a problem, then worry over it, then scale the said problem, then you work it out and then finally you get it done with. The problem is then forgotten, learnt from and in the distant past soon. That is the usual plan, right, when it comes to dealing with your problems in life, big or small?

But off late I have been acquainted with another problem, or should I say a problem of looking at this problem matter? Very recently I have been analysing it differently. Yes, we all have problems, I get it. No one’s life is a cake-walk. But now I know there could be another situation too, another very raw way to look at the said problems. In this second situation, as a human you create problems, then worry over it, then scale it with all your other problems, weight the importance of this problem, and then before even solving it, you scale your problems with someone else’s problems, then you realise that your problem may not be of even a little worth in comparison to the other persons’. Then guilt pricks you, gnaws at you, crawls all over you, to even think about your problem as a problem. Then, that guilt becomes your problem, for even thinking that you had a problem when all this while other people have real important matters to look into. And finally, with that guilt, comes back your first problem, and you start wondering how do you even define this problem as a problem? You want to let it go, without calling it a crisis, but it knock you back down and doesn’t let you get up until you call it with its previous name, ‘the problem’.

So the second situation has two problems, and no solution? The guilt keeps haunting you, and then somehow you just move on? You have no solution because, solutions are meant for problems, but you constantly reject the idea of it being called a problem. How can you? You have seen worst and now you want to fuss over your little princess problems? But unless you try and get it done with you just have to keep dealing with the problems….

I have no idea what I have written above here. But honestly, if you get me, what can a person possibly do in such a situation?

The Nudging Guilt!

Monday morning- a normal day would be somewhat like….. Well, you know how it would be. But an abnormal and unanticipated Monday morning was what I had today.

It was a Monday morning, when I wake up at a time when you hardly can wish someone a ‘good morning’, when you are almost touching noon; a morning when I simply avoid work for no reason, a morning when I ignore my bundled up projects, and do not even give any heed to my college assignments; a morning when I am in no hurry despite being so late.

I sit and smile on my bed, for no explicit reason. Life hasn’t changed overnight, it is just what it was yesterday and I am just as tired dealing with it. But I don’t even want to deal with it now. I am simply breathing.

I go out for my morning cup of coffee, strolling in the cool and nonchalant weather outside. The rains from last night have kept the climate lovable and I relish every second of it, every micro second of it. I do not have my phone with me; I don’t even look at anyone only to avoid any sort of conversation, I am simply conscious, conscious of the fact that I am here, alive, and breathing.

Even the barista gives me a vague look observing me in my shorts, with the messed up hair, and that lingering look in my eyes. But I do not care.

I am simply breathing 😉

I return home, cancel all my plans, no work, no studies, no stress.

I go to the porch, sit on the bean bag and grab a book which I am yearning to read.

And then I am lost!

This was of course a perfect setting, the only, and the only single thing that kept fretting my mind, and which I kept dodging again and again was the constant nudging guilt; the guilt to disregard my work, the guilt to even overlook the projects, the assignments which have kept piling up. I have already missed my deadlines, I was already struggling, juggling to keep up, and yet here I was sitting and reading. Time was short but the work load kept piling up and despite being aware of it, I wasted the entire day. Not only did I brush-off my schedule, I kept propelling away that guilt too.

And at the end of the day, I don’t even regret it. I savoured the day of simply breathing, simply living.

Just, just the problem was that-constant-nudging-guilt!!