Tag Archives: helplessness

It Never Rained!

I leave my office

Ditch the elevator

And jump down the stairs.

I plan to go home

Early, yet again

And then I don’t go home.

I drive through the streets,

The long lost,

The long, waiting streets.

Accidentally, unintentionally

I lead myself to ‘the’ place,

The secluded one.

The isolated street

Stares at me

Gawking unblinkingly at me.

The tress on both sides

Look down upon me

And yet I keep driving.

I see a spot,

Finally, and park my vehicle.

And then I run!

I run as fast as I can

I run leaving behind every thought,

I run till I realize people are staring.

I keep running

Below the trees,

Beside the buzzing crowd.

I run till my legs ache

I run till my heart races

And my breath unsteadies.

I slow down

Find a bench

And sit down.

I realize it is more crowded than usual

I find people buzzing about more than usual,

I see some movie being shot.

I care in the least

And get lost

Sitting and breathing.

I don’t know what to do

With myself,

With this helplessness,

With this hopelessness.

And so I sit,

I crouch down

I close my eyes.

And then it rains.

It rains like it hasn’t all this year,

It rains as it rains after a drought,

It rains with thunder and lightening

With the road being muddy,

And the sky, a little, brightening.

It rains for quite a while,

And I sit there, all lost.

People keep staring

And I keep ignoring.

It keeps raining

And I keep breathing; drenching.

When all’s empty

I gather myself up,

Walk down to my vehicle,

And drive back home,

Only to realize, it never rained.

*******

Hi guys, hope all’s okay with you. I went on an unexpected, unintentional and an unwanted break, or should I call it an unexpected, unwanted, not so needed emergency. But here I am, sane and in one piece, back to my home!!

Eager as always to hear from you all.

 

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I Am Walking!

I am walking down a path

Somewhere, where I am so scared to walk,

Somewhere, where I have always dreaded to walk. 

 

I am walking down a path

To somewhere, where I don’t know the destination

To somewhere, where I don’t know what awaits. 

 

I am walking to someplace

Where? Why? How? 

I know not. I am simply walking. 

 

I am walking down somewhere,

Alone, dejected, beaten. 

Shivering, shredding, succumbing. 

 

I am walking. 

I have no ounce of energy to walk anymore. 

No iota of inspiration to walk.

 

I don’t want to walk. 

No, I don’t. 

And yet I am. 

 

I want to hold hands,

I want to lie down. 

I want to breathe.

 

And yet, I am walking. 

 

I am walking the steps of a failure

I am walking the painful steps of helplessness

I am walking to an endless space.

 

I am walking where there are tearful smiles,

Where there are hidden sores,

Where there are only painful stones.

 

I don’t know what to do. 

I want to lie down,

But all I doing is walking, walking, walking…..

 

PS: I am sorry to be away from all of you. I will be back to all your posts very soon. I will. I am just a little screwed up right now.

Helpless.

I feel helpless today.

So helpless,

As helpless as I haven’t felt in a long time.

As helpless, as I think I can never feel.

The epitome of helplessness.

And yet, I feel this can go on,

On and on for quite a while.

And yet I feel that I can feel even more helpless.

But what could be more than this, I wonder?

Because, this what I feel today, is beyond my ways of expressions.

This what I feel today is beyond my perception,

This is beyond me.

And yet I know not, what to do. And yet I know not how much more helpless can I feel.

Because this feels more than enough,

More than what I thought I could take.

 

I thought I am doing my best

But even the best seems less than the best.

Nothing seems to be working,

Everything keeps coming,

And I feel helpless.

 

I thought I could take it,

I thought I could do something,

But now, depite all the efforts,

I feel helpless.

 

I feel as helpless as I would have felt in

Drowning into that ocean,

Without knowing how to swim.