Tag Archives: hope

Phoenix in Disguise.

Gone are the days

Of you wanting to be above me,

Cutting my wings

And throttling me.

 

So far, I have battled

Cursed and raged,

Tried to swim and float

Sometimes barely to survive.

 

I have fought and fought

Even when the war ended,

I tried just to stand and walk

But all you did was pull me back, stranded.

 

So far, equality is all I wanted

Rage was never for granted,

I’d smile and let it all go

Only if you’d let me grow.

 

You should have breathed

A calming sigh of relief,

Walking on different treads

We could have lived happily, I believe.

 

But you let your ego rise

In claiming to be a little superior,

But my declaration should have sufficed

When I told you I was a gushing warrior.

 

So far, I wanted equality

But now, I want revenge.

You are done with your monopoly

But now, from the gut I’ll make you wrench.

 

I’ll rip you apart

Your body, your mind, your soul.

I’ll drink your bleeding heart

And throw you into an abysmal black hole.

 

Your smiles will fade

Your laughter must evade,

You’ll seek my permission

Even for your tears’ abscission.

 

For long you had me chained

Now you’ll taste its flavor,

For long you had my dreams restrained

Now you’ll know what its to long for a savior.

 

Every time I tried to soar

You’ll make it even difficult to smile,

Making me feel like a centaur

Fidgeting betwixt myriad lifestyles.

 

Try and tell me I didn’t try

To make something of me I persistently slogged,

All that happened was my eyes went dry

Even the tears rejecting to keep my eyes clothed.

 

I’ll not let anything go

I promise I’ll rip you apart,

I’ll wear the iron and steely trousseau

And display at home, my gory work of art.

 

I’ll throw my rage, my anger, and my morale

Over you like a listless mourning shroud.

And you’ll be shocked at my open advances

While, I sear and soar like a magellanic cloud.

 

I swear to God, I’ll not cede

I don’t want equality; I want revenge,

From the ashes where you buried me

I’ll rise from there and eat you like air.

 

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Hopes And Expectations!

Unknown

Just wondering..

While on the one hand you are striving towards it, and on the other there is only faith and a vain belief.

What exactly happens?

Does that belief turn into the expectations that we are taught not to have?

Or the hope itself is a reflection on the said expectations which we are not suppose to have?

Or, is there a fine line between hope and expectations which I am blinded not to see?

Or they are just two words trying to play with my mind?

Any thoughts?

 

It Never Rained!

I leave my office

Ditch the elevator

And jump down the stairs.

I plan to go home

Early, yet again

And then I don’t go home.

I drive through the streets,

The long lost,

The long, waiting streets.

Accidentally, unintentionally

I lead myself to ‘the’ place,

The secluded one.

The isolated street

Stares at me

Gawking unblinkingly at me.

The tress on both sides

Look down upon me

And yet I keep driving.

I see a spot,

Finally, and park my vehicle.

And then I run!

I run as fast as I can

I run leaving behind every thought,

I run till I realize people are staring.

I keep running

Below the trees,

Beside the buzzing crowd.

I run till my legs ache

I run till my heart races

And my breath unsteadies.

I slow down

Find a bench

And sit down.

I realize it is more crowded than usual

I find people buzzing about more than usual,

I see some movie being shot.

I care in the least

And get lost

Sitting and breathing.

I don’t know what to do

With myself,

With this helplessness,

With this hopelessness.

And so I sit,

I crouch down

I close my eyes.

And then it rains.

It rains like it hasn’t all this year,

It rains as it rains after a drought,

It rains with thunder and lightening

With the road being muddy,

And the sky, a little, brightening.

It rains for quite a while,

And I sit there, all lost.

People keep staring

And I keep ignoring.

It keeps raining

And I keep breathing; drenching.

When all’s empty

I gather myself up,

Walk down to my vehicle,

And drive back home,

Only to realize, it never rained.

*******

Hi guys, hope all’s okay with you. I went on an unexpected, unintentional and an unwanted break, or should I call it an unexpected, unwanted, not so needed emergency. But here I am, sane and in one piece, back to my home!!

Eager as always to hear from you all.

 

Krishna talked sense into me..

This post is going to be a little different from what I usually write here, but by the end of it you might think I am back to my usual. So if you get there, thank you for bearing with me.

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“Mayi sarvani karmani samnyasyādhyātmacetasā;

Nirāśirnirmamo bhūtvā yudhyasava vigatajvarah.”

 

Renouncing all actions into Me, with the mind centered on the Self, free from hope and egoism (Ownership), free from (mental) fever, (you) do fight.

 

This is taken from the Holy Geeta, chapter 3 Karma Yoga, verse 30.

 

This brilliant passage is spoken by lord Krishna to his worshipper/friend/student Arjuna.

 

A closer study of the import of these two lines will make us understand clearly that, in this stanza, Krishna is hinting at the greater psychological truth of life. Krishna advises Arjuna to act renouncing both Hope and Ego; and this is indeed a primary instruction on how to pour the best that is in us into the ‘present’, blockading all unintelligent and thoughtless dissipation of our inner personality-energies, in the ‘Past’and the ‘Future’.

 

He further says to renounce all action unto the Lord and, getting rid of both Hope and Selfishness, must fight, free from all mental fever. How complete this technique is will be evident now to all students of Geeta.

 

The term ‘fight’is to be understood here ‘as our individual fight with circumstances, in the silent battle of life’. Thus, the advice is not for Arjuna alone, but to them all men who would like to live fully and intelligently.

 

And this makes more sense to me when right in the next stanza He says, without caviling, and with only faith in heart, one must live. For one can neither understand fully, nor come to gain the blessings of the way of life, by deep study and noisy discussions. It can be understood and experienced only by living it.

 

*

 

Time again, I have been told that thinking, will not help much, that trying to understand all the concepts of life is only a vain effort. But despite my agreement with them, I fail to accustom myself to these thoughts. The result of which is a PhD in overthinking and a certain sense of guilt and restlessness, and a tinge of permanent anxiety of un-knowingness. I have been told again and again, that to not think much of past and present, and only to live. But it took me more than a decade, and a number of people telling me so, a 100 different experiences and a second reading of this Holy scripture, to finally let myself understand that I can never understand everything (Just the way I can never travel almost every part of the world, or just the way that I can never ever read all the books in the world!!). It was this time, that when I read it, my brains finally, tried accepting this simple fact, it was this time that I felt, that Krishna was speaking to me, (Hypothetically, don’t worry I haven’t turned all too religious overnight and started hallucinating about Gods in front of me) finally making my dumb ass realize that I am not right, that I need to stop doing certain things to myself which are only hurting me more.

 

Now, that I have come to accept it, I am going to start trying to succumb to it; that is my attempts will be to not think much, about the past and-or the future. I will try and leave my ego and all kinds of hope behind, in an attempt of living a life without selfishness, and one full of faith. This does not mean I renounce my Karma, no, it only signifies how I will go about it; that is without my Ego and Hope but full of faith.

 

 

This is how I perceive these stanzas, and I am pretty sure, I still don’t get the inner meaning of them, or the depth of what He was trying to say. All the same I will keep up with my efforts of not understanding anymore, but only living my life, doing my Karma, because I sure ain’t getting younger!!

*

I have used the commentary and the English translation of the verse from the Geeta, written by Swami Chinmayananda.

Possibility Of The Impossible!

 

Sitting at the top of the mountain,

In the open air,

I couldn’t breathe in.

 

Sitting near the holy pyre,

The woods burning,

I couldn’t even feel the fire.

 

Sitting on the green earth,

The flowers blooming,

I couldn’t even reckon my birth.

 

How can there be lack of water,

Near the ocean?

I tend to ponder.

 

Sucking in, not giving in to the claustrophobia,

I intend to combine ocean and fire,

Not to forget the earth and the sky,

Believing in the impossible,

Why not just reach out for more than possible?

The Mask That Fell Off!

 

I saw love in your eyes

I saw the warmth,

The flamboyant smiles.

 

I saw the care in your heart

I saw the fear,

The painful pleasure.

 

I saw the truth in your soul

I saw the honesty,

The serene simplicity.

 

And then one day I saw the true colors

I saw the wild lies

I saw the raging rashness

And I saw the youthful odium.

 

Now what do I presume?

Which colors do I assume?

What is right?

What is wrong?

 

I lost faith in myself

While you, shook me to my inner essential.

Was I wrong before?

Am I wrong now?

 

Were you so good in representing?

Or am I so bad in arbitrating?

Am I so inanely innocuous?

Or you are just astonishingly facetious?

 

I though I saw love

I though I saw scrupulousness

But in a flick, one day

The mask fell off

And I didn’t know

What to believe in!

Why Am I Not An Atheist?

I am a strong believer of God, yes I am.

Now before you judge me, hear me out.

I am not saying that I can strongly say that God exists, he is the one. I have some different beliefs. I am not saying that there are no questions regarding the God. Oh there are, there are many unanswered questions. Sometime I myself, keep asking about the past myths, the story that has been put forward of all the Gods. And if you are a Hindu, then I am pretty sure you have innumerable unanswered questions. And so do I, but I am still not an atheist.

I am a strong believer of God, yes I am.

You know, why? This is because of the fact that I pray. I am not saying that when I pray, ‘God’ gives me what I want. All I am saying is by praying I develop a sense of faith within me, that everything is going to be just fine, and I gain some strength to fight against the situations that I may be dealing with. Anything wrong in that? I don’t think so. When I pray, meditate, I don’t rely on God, there is no superlative magic that is going to move a wand in the air and all my problems would vanish, and all my wishes would come true. But I do believe that there is some supreme power in what I do, cause once I get the strength to deal with something, the optimism filled inside, I know everything will be all right. I borrow faith and hope from what we call “God”.

And that is why I am not an atheist.

I am a strong believer of God, yes I am.

I am not saying if someone is an atheist, he or she is wrong. They are right in their own way, how and what they feel, that I cannot tell. But they have their own beliefs, and so do I.

I may not say God is everything, but he is definitely something for me. I get the strength to believe in myself when I pray to him, when I chant his verses, when I just close my eyes and see through my inner senses the vision of “Om”. I feel peaceful, optimistic, and I regain belief.

And that is why I am not an atheist,

I am a strong believer of God, yes I am.

 

PS: I still believe that humanity is a religion above and beyond all other religions.