Tag Archives: humor

One Big Happy Family #7

My one big happy family is indefinitely big and happy of course, but they have become one of those. You know one of those who are so-so happy all the time, and persistently trying to make you too a little optimistic, not that you are a pessimist, but you would, for a while like to be left alone, sulking into your sour mood. Or you could include them in one of those who makes you hate- love, or the over enthusiastic lovers, or better still those who mock who for your failure in pretty much everything. Yes, I am going to add them in the mocking category, for they started doing just that, with all their coupling, and full disclosure of love, and even their way of constantly rubbing it all on my face.

I know you don’t believe me, you guys never do!

But I have proof!!

20190605_154308.jpg

And believe me they are the ones to kiss and tell, if you know what I mean 😉

Sighs!! Even my big happy family thinks they are better at love than me!

Advertisements

Self Obsession!

I love myself. Hell yeah, I do! I mean come on, I am awesome 😀

Okay, enough with the self obsession.

I say this today because I love one thing about me. Whenever I read something good, a word, a sentence, a quote, a paragraph, I write it down and keep it with myself. At first, I used to keep a small memo pad or a pocket diary full of such amazing, jaw dropping quotes. (It doesn’t mean you like these quotes too. It is only, my taste that we are talking about here) But over the time I have stopped keeping that diary and instead I just write it down. So by now I have such wonderful lines written everywhere, on post it’s, on the back of a journal, on a single torn paper, on my phone, as a memo, as a draft message, and pretty much everywhere. What is wrong with this method is the fact that I cannot ever compile them at a single place now. But on the other hand, I get these as a surprise sometimes when I am least expecting them. For instance, today, I was rummaging through an old book, where I found a folded sheet of paper on which there was a very beautiful line. I am not even going to try translating it from Hindi, for the effort is going to be extremely hilarious. But I attach the sheet below, if by chance you like it.

20190323_154948.jpg

I am pretty sure, this was not from a book, but may be a historical TV series, I just cannot place it. But isn’t it pretty? And ever since I have found this, I am simply smiling, smiling like an ignorant fool.

And even if it is not, I like it all the same. I love it, in fact. Remember, it’s all about self love now? So I love this, I love the way I keep writing these beautiful lines everywhere. and yes, I love myself!! Kyuki mai apni favourite hoon!! 😀

tenor.gif

Mr. Coffee Hater #2

Aaj jane ki zid na karo.. yu hi pehlu me baithe raho…..

 

I hum along the very old lyrics, sitting in my balcony, sipping that hot cup of coffee, drenching in that cool, chilly after-rain air, that unseasonal rain which leaves everything all the more beautiful. I am lost; lost in that very strong cup of coffee, lost among those very soothing winds; lost in a different era of love.

 

I am lost when suddenly, out of nowhere, disconcerting my train of thoughts, This stupid Mr. Coffee Hater barges in rushing, fluttering, clapping, smiling, “Pehle muje ane to do, uske baad me jane ki zid karunga na.” I have to literally battle with my calm, with my soothing mind to come back and realize what exactly happened.

 

“You frightened me.” I scream.

“Someone’s in a mood!!” comes back the taunting respond.

“Don’t even let me begin on mood.”

“Oh ever the dramatic Moushmi.”

“Yeah? You think I do drama all the time?”

“Well, not all the time. At least not when you sing such wonderful, soulful songs for me.”

He thinks the song is for him!! Oh God!! Can he really be any more self-obsessive?

“The song wasn’t for you.” I retort.

“Of course it wasn’t.” And he tries patting my hand.

“Oh, just get lost.”

“But I just came in.” He tries with all his roughish charms.

“Yeah, but you didn’t come in when I needed you. Oh, you are just the same. It will probably do you more good if you just left!”

“I was busy.” He tries puppy faces.

“Yeah, and so I am, now!! Any plans on leaving, then?”

“Well, I am not disturbing you, am I?”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I am not. All I can remember is you were singing or should I say trying to sing a song, whereby you were pleading with me to not go.” He smirks.

“For the 100thtime, the song wasn’t for you.”

“Let’s say, I agree that it wasn’t for me. Then may I ask, whom were you dedicating it to?” He really tries.

“No, you may not know.”

“Oh, come on! I go away for a little while and you throw all your tantrums on me. I said I am sorry.”

“No, you never said sorry!”

“I did.”

“In your head, you did!!”

“Someone’s really angry this time!.” He mumbles.

“I heard that!!

“Yeah, well if you heard that, do you hear me asking for that damned coffee?”

“Since when have you started liking coffee?”

“Oh, I still hate it. But if that is what it takes for you to calm down, lady? Then coffee it is!”

“Oh come on. I don’t want your upkaar.” I snap.

“It is not upkaar. I mean it.” He smiles that foolish smile.

I wonder. Is he right? Is he fooling me? I try to read his face, but before I can he changes the topic. “So, I hear you were really missing me?”

“I have better things to do, than miss someone who hates coffee!”

“Are we still on that?”

“Well, we will be on that until you start drinking coffee!!”

“So, is there anything new except of your coffee?” he changes the topic again.

“No.” I am still very adamant.

“How’s work?

“Good.”…………. “But come to think of it….”

“There it is. I was just wondering how have you not ‘thought’ of anything so far. HAHAHA you and your thinking.”

“If my thinking bothers you so much, then why did you come here again?”

“I heard you were missing me.” He flatters himself.

“Well, you had fake news. Be assured of that!”

“Seriously?” He rolls his eyes at me.

“Yes!!”

“Oh, in that case I must go. I just thought……”

“Ha ha! Caught you. I have told you. Thinking isn’t your responsibility. You fail miserably at it.”

“Yeah, I know. I just thought I was better at it by now.”

“There, you are doing it again. My dear, you just are pathetic at it.” I rejoice in his failure.

“Yeah? So are you.”

“In what, may I ask?”

No, you may not!!”

Uuuuuuuurrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh

“Why not?”

“Just….”

“Okay, don’t say. But are you going to ever tell me where exactly have you been for so many days?”

“No!” Comes the blatant reply.

“Really?” I stare dumbfounded.

What is wrong with you? I want to scream. But I sip my coffee instead.

“So, what brings you here, today, after so many days? I thought you just forgot me?”

“You!!”

“Oh, please don’t start that again!! Stop being cheesy!!”

“It’s not cheesy.”

“It is.”

“It’s not. And even if it is, at least it’s better than your coffee!!”

I remain silent.

“Are you going to say anything?” He chirps.

I am still silent.

“Okay, then I am leaving.” He is losing patience now.

“WAIT! You can’t go….”

“I know. I know. The coffee isn’t over yet.” He finishes for me.

“So do I get the pleasure to know your name, now?” I am all too politeness for him.

He rolls his eyes and smirks. He just knows its fake.

“You could you if you wanted to.”

“But you won’t say your name.” I almost spill my cup in screaming at him.

“You won’t ask.” He bats his wings angrily.

“I just did.”

“Okay, I will tell you today, just as soon as you finish your idiotic, extremely hot, stupid, excessively strong, unwanted and sour coffee!!!!!”

He has crossed his limits.

I fume.

He winks.

I gulp down the coffee. Enough is enough. I will know his name, today.

He winks again. He smiles mischievously. Bats his wings.

“Aisi baate kiya na karo..” And just as swiftly he flies away, above and beyond. And in another second he is too far away from me.

He is gone. The coffee cup is empty. The wind is whistling into my ears. In the background the wonderful lady, that gorgeous Farida Khannumsmiles vainly into nothingness, “Jaan jati hai jab uth k jate ho tum……..

lnsdlm.jpg

Until we meet again.

 

Take care!

More about this stupid, nerving, extremely irritating Coffee Hater: Mr. Coffee Hater- My New Friend!

If My Phone Could Talk….

As we are trying to make our lives easier through technology, isn’t there a part of us that is getting overly dependent on these means? So much so that it gets almost extremely disgusting at some point. Haven’t we gotten really far from actual social networking in the stead of social networking?

 

I really find it very weird sometimes when I see people literally talking to the phone, not over the phone, but to it. I have seen my friends do it, sometimes when I am busy even I do it to speed things up a bit, but when I see the speakerphone on our phones to be used as an entertainer, well it’s just funny!!

 

See for yourself!!

img_3052

Damn right, we are!!

img_3053

Now, what? Are we going to joke back at Siri?

img_3054

Which is?

img_3055

And what about us? Any new jumpers?

img_3056

Thanks for the info, but as usual we’ll pass!

img_3057

Yes, probably find a little sensibility, and the courage to ask real people for plans!

img_3096

What if she asks our scores? I am below negative, for sure!

img_3097

Better imagination than mine, shall I say?

img_3098

Well….

img_3099

Now shall we have some self respect?

 

Seriously, what is happening to us?

 

Believe me, all I do with my Siri, is ask it to call or text someone, or at the maximum to look up something over the internet, but people really do these stuff! At first I didn’t believe it, but they really do! Hey, I am not judging anyone for doing this, but all I am saying is I would rather ask the person sitting next to me to tell me a joke or talk to me rather than a flat screen shining phonily at me.

 

PS: If you did laugh a bit, then thanks to the humor, well humor, which Siri puts  in her responses 😉

I guess there’s another post script required: The idea of this post came from an acquaintance who kept sharing WhatsApp stories of how she was having fun talking to Siri! At first it was comical, but in time it grew more like Raj’s obsessions (From Big Bang Theory) who almost thinks Siri is real, and even as much thinks her to be his girlfriend! The post is made in no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings. If at all this proves offensive or impolite, then I am sorry, because I have no intentions as such. And if so, I will consider this as a failed attempt of my being humorous.

So, here’s to technology!

 

One Big Happy Family #4

I am back, back to my city, back to peace, or to say as much peace I can get right now.

But I am stunned!! What happened to my big happy family????

They are no where to be found.

984CCE4B-9956-4CAD-A0F8-FF493A1CC1FB.jpeg

But the beat part of being back is, I don’t have to deal with Mr. Z now. I guess, he got scared at the knowledge of my arrival.

You can see below that he has vacated his spot, leaving my Mr. and Mrs. A and B to live in peace.

8B712FDF-780B-4ACF-ABCA-032E375A5FA6.jpeg

But there is also a disadvantage to this. In my absence Mr. Z seems to have troubled my ‘One big happy family’ a lot, the result of which is, I cannot find their place of hiding. I have looked at all the places, at all their abodes, but my one big happy family seems to have dispersed.

The only bits and parts, the only members of this big happy family are below:

F10EEB92-D912-41FB-B56A-3178E59611CD.jpeg

76282792-58F3-4246-9901-56C6EB6EE8C4

E596BF52-4C1E-40E4-99EC-8F7B38910836

Well, I do intend to find the rest of the members of this happy ever after soon. I have told before, I am not going to let this happy ever after be ruined. No, I am not!!!

By any chance do you guys know where my ‘One big happy family’ is?? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤔

 

Labour Day!

India is celebrating labour day today and as usual my phone buzzes with messages and wishes of ‘Labour day’, as it happens on any specific day or festival. Most of the companies have started this new trend these days, to send texts and images to everyone celebrating and wishing almost every calendar day.  And even today, I did the same with those texts, opened them and simply ignored them. I don’t know why but I am just not very much attracted to these general, yet very formal messages having no personal touch, and I avoid those texts and images which clutter and fill my phone’s space. Most of the times I don’t even download these images, knowing I am going to delete it just the very minute. Call me rude, but what can I say, I do this and I admit it. If it helps, I do write the person a very formal ‘same to you’ in return.

So, today when I was cleaning my phone gallery when a certain picture caught me. I hadn’t even seen who sent me the said picture, but it got into my nerves and had to find out who sent it. Some of you might get the humour, but I didn’t.

The picture that ‘he’ (The fact that it is a he is significant here) sent me with the caption “Happy Labour’s Day” is below:

download

I don’t know, I was just not in the mood or what, but I didn’t like the relation. The concept that a man is a labour for a woman just doesn’t get in my head. Never!!!!

I didn’t say anything, didn’t react but I played the game and sent him two different pictures with the same caption.

images (1)

images

This sure enraged him. “A woman is never a labour…… she is always respected by good men….. why do women have to always turn this on us…… why can’t they take humour…….”

I laughed my heart out after this, it was hilarious him blurting out. When he did it was fine, but when I did it, it was ‘women always turn it on gentlemen”.

Not sure who couldn’t take the humour. Me or him?