Tag Archives: humour

Lemon- Lemonade Situation!

“When life throws you a rainy day, play in the puddles.”

 

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But what if it’s a rainy season? And it prolongs to a rainy winter?

 

Or it’s fine with me if you are the lemon and lemonade type of person too just don’t bother with the rainy season then because yo have so many other hilarious options. Really, you do. See for yourself:

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They forget that you probably don’t have that kind of money for the surgery!!

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Okay, this one I probably agree with them 😀

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Again, I never learnt how to bail exactly. If I knew I’d be dodging those lemons in the first place.

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So, it all comes back to square one. What do you do?

As I said, I’d rather prefer the rainy day situation, since I am such a nature person. So when life gives me that rainy year, what the hell am I supposed to do with it. I am drenched to the core now!!

 

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One Big Happy Family #6

You might not remember them, but my one big happy family still enjoys their happy ever after. Oh they are so happy that they are on a vacation!! The only problem is I didn’t know about this vacation, which is why I was so restless when I didn’t see them for quite some time.

 

As it happens, my dear blogger friend sends me their whereabouts telling me that they are safe and happy, enjoying their time without me 😉

 

How could they?????? Without me?????? Oh, the horror!!!!

 

Who cares? Let them go. I don’t even need them anymore; I have that stupid Mr. coffee hater now! Let them fly away to that city of dreams. They will not find an admirer like me there. And will have to fly back here just as soon.

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I wasn’t even missing them much when I saw them back again, near my place right the next day..

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And I am assuming that stupid carefree one big happy family will live happily ever after right in front of me, 😉 Ab kya kare subah ka bhooola sham ko ghar aye to use shayad bhoola nahi kehte..

 

PS: Thank you Sifar for bringing this picture to my notice, otherwise I wouldn’t even know about the doings of this crazy family that kept going behind my back. And also get well soon, WordPress misses you Sifar.

Also his click looks way better than any of my clicked pictures.

If there is any rarest possibility that you want to know more about this crazy happy ever after (which I highly doubt) here you go-

One Big Happy Family.

 

A Drunken Monday Night-Out!!

When it is a Monday you usually have plans to wake up early and work for the entire day, trying to curse the Sunday to go off just as quickly, and cursing all the other days for Friday seems yet so far. Monday morning sees the longest line for coffee full of tiresome people wondering why exactly are they up so early after two days of slogging lethargy. Why do they have to leave their beds in this cold morning, and why exactly do they have to work despite their wishes. The rest of the Monday is all about waiting for the day to end, so that you can go home and dine at some kind of peace, while your better half, your family or your flat-mates chose to crib about the day, and you give them a pathetic look, admonishing them that you did not have a day any better than that. All you want to do by then is go under the blanket, and try; just to try to be at little peace and if you can’t get that at least you hope that sleep will befriend you soon. All the while anticipating when will exactly the week end?

 

And one fine day you wake up with the same Monday morning feeling, having no idea it is going to end up just wild.

 

I woke up with the same feeling yesterday morning, dreading the day. Leaving my bed in this cold morning was itself a task, and oh the blanket seemed to miss me as soon as I slipped my hands out of it. Oh the trouble! I crept out not wanting to, took a quick shower because of course I have overslept, force down something to eat, keep fidgeting at the line at the coffee shop, getting restless in the traffic, simply not wanting to work!!!

 

The day passes with it’s own leisurely pace, enjoying and relishing in my pain when I see people with fresh and vibrant and jovial faces all around enjoying the start of a new week, making me wonder where exactly do they get this kind of motivation and optimism! They ask me with fresh spirit in them, “Hey, how was your weekend?” And I curse under my breath for the days to have passed by, for the next weekend seems far away!!

 

Amidst these daily conundrums, I get a call from a friend inviting me to a party!

 

PARTYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

Come on who says a no to a party on a Monday evening! At least I don’t!!

 

And in no less time I am not waiting for the week to end, I am in only fair anticipation of the day to end. This seems fair! Of course it does! But the time seems to stick by and move at even a slower pace, and then after an aeon it’s lunch and after a few other ages it’s the end!!

 

Finally, I rush home and change into something more comfortable, my days’ tiredness seems to have evaporated and in no time I hear my friends car blazing outside!

 

I jump into the front seat, while he tells me that it is his office party and we might be there for an hour or so, and then we can head out and go for a long drive or something. And I am all ears!!

 

Well, the party seems okay, not boring but not too interesting too! So while my friend goes and tries to make an appearance in and around, I seat myself in the corner, hiding away from unknown people, (Seriously even I don’t understand this concept of mine, wanting to party and yet not wanting to meet anybody!) and grab of glass of wine! Of course I am not getting drunk on a Monday night! Ah ha..

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My friend comes back in a while, and we go around meeting the few mutual finds that we have, and then we sit down at the same corner to dine. We are talking about our work, our personal lives, and everything in general, when a couple comes towards us and offers us drinks, (this was fine) but then they join us without our permission. I cringe!!!!!!

 

All the four of us are talking and drinking, and eating, and by the end I have lost count of how many glasses of that wine I have had. Well, to be fair, there were other drinks in between, a few many of which I really, truly regret to have taken. But I am okay as of now, but we are well past the time of making our appearance, and all I want is that promised long drive now, which seems to take all the time.

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“So how’s your week going?” That girl beside me ask?

“Just as interesting as your weekend might have been.” I retort.

“What do you mean?”

I am appalled at myself! I am. But also, I cannot stop myself from laughing.

My friend is eyeing me from across the table.

“I am not scared of you, you know.” I blurt to him!

And there goes the rest of the wine from my hand.

“We should probably get going.” Is all I hear from him, but those kind hearted self-composed people wouldn’t let us go. We are back at our place, and I have stolen that glass again, without his realization at that, come one, give me some credit!!!

Wait, this isn’t wine! This was some kind of margarita, but this was nice too!

“So how’s your work?” That sweet girl is till trying to make conversation with me.

“Just as boring as the shirt your husband is wearing.”

I think my friends’ eyes are going to pop out, while she is still in shock. But the person I pass a pun on, is chill about it, is laughing at that, “She has a sense of humor.”

“See, he gets me.” I smile that pleading smile.

I am not sure but I see a hint of smile, just a little on my friends face, and I think I am good.

“I hear you are planning a long drive after the party.” I think the girl has forgiven me.

“But you are not invited.” I say before I warn my mind to do against it for the nth time that evening.

“That’s it, we need to go.” I hear my friend as he gets up.

“This is what I wanted. So are we going for that drive now.” I bat my eyes.

“Are you doing this intentionally?” He murmurs in my ear.

“Noooooooooooo. I promise! I seem to have lost my filter.

“Good, because you know this is my office party, and you cannot misbehave in front of them.”

“Then can we leave?”

“Yes!”

And just then some colleague draws him away.

“Ah, darn!!!”

I sit down with that boring shirt man, and his wife who must clearly hate me by now.

“I am sorry, I just had a bad day, rather a bad weekend and a worse Monday.” I try to apologize.

“Oh it’s all right. We have all been there.” The boring shirt man sympathizes!

“No! You have only been here.” I point at his wife and giggle.

“Are you out of your mind?” that woman squeaks at me.

“Isn’t that obvious?” I laugh unapologetically.

She tries to snatch away the 4th or probably the 5th margarita from my hand when my friend finally shows up.

“I am so sorry. We need to leave.” And he grabs my arm.

“Oh she is just a little tipsy, the boring shirt man is still trying to be friendly.

“No, no I am done with her for today.” He pesters me to get up.

“Well, that was quicker than usual.” I laugh as I get up, stammering and struggling to my feet.

I see my friend go red, and listen to breezy bu-byes.

 

The next thing I know is I am sitting in the front seat of my friends’ car and he is strapping my seat belt tight enough to not even move. He sits in the driving seat and slams the door shut!

I think he is already furious.

 

“When was the last time you drank alcohol?” he glares the question at me.

“How is it relevant? I am drunk now, if that is what you are trying to figure out.”

“Well, that’s more than crystal clear madam. A blind man could smell your alcohol filth mouth and steer clear of you.”

“But I didn’t talk to any of your colleagues. I was sitting at the table all the while with your boring shirt friend and his wife. Did I embarrass you, now” I rest my case.

“You answer my question.”

“First you answer mine.” I am not laying low, or to say I am not playing intelligent.

“When was the last time that you had something to drink?”

“WHY! DID I EMBARRAS YOU, NOW?” I plead and try to make him feel guilty.

“No! Now tell me when was the last time you were drunk so much?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Are you going to ever tell me, because I know, you are not the one to go so tipsy after a couple of glasses of wine.”

“You really don’t remember?”

“I am losing my patience here.” He really is.

“I gave up on alcohol almost a year and a half back and since then all we have been doing is going to dinners and roaming about in the parks!”

“So why did you drink today?”

“I was bored.”

“That’s your reason?” he is flabbergasted.

“Come on. It’s no big deal. I am fine.” I say as I fumble to even take out my ringing phone.

He grabs it before me and answers the phone and tells someone that I will be staying over at his place tonight.

“Did you care to ask me if I want to stay at your place?” I am furious at him.

“Look at yourself, you are not going home tonight, that is a done deal!”

“Okay sir.”

 

He starts driving and I remember the promised long drive.

 

“You must be kidding me.”

“I am not. I want to go, I really do.”

“We’ll go tomorrow. Today you need to sleep right away!”

“Please. Please, don’t take this away from me. This is the best time I have had in like months, please lets just go for a while.” I stammer between laughs and sobs.

And just then he drives towards the highway.

I squeak like a child! And I think I see a trace of smile on his face. I am okay, as of now- no trouble!

 

The car window is down, the wind is beyond cool now, and it is a little cold, the moon and the stars are our partners in crime and the music seems to be just soothing. “Seriously? This is by far the best time I have had in months.” I repeat into his ears. And he smiles a full smile this time.

 

“You know there is a new coffee shop a little away from the highway. Can we go there? I mean it could just help me sober up.” I suggest.

He eyes me, really doubting my intentions, but there is nothing that my over excited face gives away, and he keeps going.

 

I am really enjoying this when his phone rings, but there is no proper network and he stops the car.

He tries a couple of times to call back, and in the end gives up. But the phone doesn’t. It rings again, and I suggest he should take it outside the car. He is back in a second, in literally no time. And we drive off.

 

We drive for about an hour or so and then he really starts doubting me. “Where exactly is this coffee shop?”

“It was in this route.”

“What do you mean it was?”

“No, no I mean it is!!!!!”

There is complete silence for a while, when he scowls at me, he is definitely furious this time. The song changes to something else. I cannot see our partners in crime anymore. The towering trees seem to hide the sky from me, and I don’t see anything familiar on the road, except isolation! Why are the roads empty, I wonder. And then I notice small, really small huts on the sides of the road. Huts so small, that you cannot go inside them without bending your back. And then fear grips me. The wind is no calmer, it’s chilly and I am afraid. It is well past midnight, and I am sure that we are on the wrong path.

 

“I think we are on the wrong path.” I gather the courage to speak.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE GPS?”

The GPS, yes, the GPS, I might have done something to it, when I was trying to change the song when he got out.

One look at me and he checks the address.

His look in return confirms my fear, and I have no idea what to say.

“I went out for a minute, and you change the address?” he almost screams at me.

“I didn’t do it intentionally. I swear I didn’t.” I almost cry and I haven’t felt like a small baby in a long time, but in that moment I did, I really did.

He avoids me. He doesn’t speak a word and makes a U-turn, feeding in the correct address. “I think that was enough of a long drive for you and the sobering up? I think that I can help with as soon as we get home.” He is really angry.

 

“What are you going to do? Spank me for being a bad child?” I cackle.

 

“This is funny to you? Is this funny to you? We are in the middle of a Naxalite area, absolutely alone, and this is funny to you?”

I go further down into my seat, shutting my eyes, and remaining silent. Knowing what was the current thing to do for the first time that night.

We drive for about a half hour in silence, and then I am struck with my first repercussion of drinking so much.

“Please slow down.”

“I am not stopping anywhere before we reach my place.” Comes the simple reply.

I don’t have the courage to speak. I fumble with my seat belt, loosen it, open the window entirely allowing it to send chilly shivers against my face. And then I throw up! I throw up with all my might and finally he realizes what’s happening. He parks in the corner, opens his seat belt, and comes towards me. He holds back my hair away from my face, and really laughs a gritting laugh.

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We drive away when I am done, only to stop after another 15 minutes, and then again after another 10 minutes. We reach home after almost 6 stops. He helps me out, enjoying the look on my face.

“I am really sorry about today.”

“We will talk tomorrow.” I hear him say after which I doze off as soon as I hit the bed.

 

I wake up the next morning with a throbbing head, a strong cup of coffee beside me, a tablet to sober me up, and my friends’ stupid face ready to mock me. And well of course Tuesday’s work, which must have already piled up on my desk by now! I am late!!! But first there is the mocking!!

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I don’t know what to say. I am ashamed. And I remember the last night party in bits and parts. And seriously I have no clue as to when I decided to stay away all night!

One look at him, and I can tell there is a big story behind it.

One look at him, and I am sure that I have done something which I ought not to.

One final look at him, and I am hundred percent sure I feel like a baby which I haven’t in quite a while, or was it just last night?

I give him a really sweet and a pleasing smile, trying to figure out if that’s going to help. Hoping to get away just like that small child that I was feeling like, would.

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Current Mood!

While the rest of the people around me are in a mood of vacations and holidays, happy and full of festivities, I can practically sum up my current mood in something I read today:

“I love everybody.

Some I love to be around.

Some I love to avoid.

And some others I’d love to punch in the face.”

The Two Ends Of My Life!

Drinking that warm cup of coffee opening your morning newspaper, and reading the exact situation of your life in the paper. Yes, this was all my day was about today.

A very interesting column by Bikram Vohra titled “To sum up life” caught my eye and it was aptly hilarious for me. Not that the situation is. But the fact that my life is in such tatters and that this writer has accurately put pen to paper, was a little it amusing to me.

He pleads his left end of the life to meet the right end. He wonders, despite all the problems in the current scenario, why is everybody else doing so good in life, while his own life is only laughable. By the end he almost concludes saying that these two ends needn’t even meet. He’d be happy if only, the two separate ends would oblige him by accepting to be on the same book, by simply accepting that they live in the same planet.

The situation may not be true for him, but it sure is for me. For him, it might just be a column, but I’d safely say that it is my truth for now. While everyone else is doing good, or at least doing something, I feel I am stationed at a harbor for eternity, without a boat, without knowing how to swim, without a destination if I’d want to walk somewhere to. The only possibility is I keep walking without a feeling of satisfaction of having done something.

Yeah, yeah, you will say I will reach somewhere, have patience. Everyone reaches someplace sooner or later. Everyone takes their own time. I will reach someplace too. Yeah yeah yeah… but till then I can’t help feel this way. People rubbing their noses on me, making me realize how insignificant I am, how much good they are up to.

I am not comparing myself to others. All I ever want to is to be a better version of myself with every passing day, but sometimes I just lose it all and then feel like both ends of my life have kept me somewhere and have forgotten that they belong to me. These forgetful ends seem to have disowned me and have decided to never be in accord with me.

So, the two ends, please, will you please try and remember where I am, because I have tired myself searching for you, and you in return seem to enjoy this game of hide and seek. Please, will you please, if not meet each other or me, at the least agree to be in the same book, accept that we all live in the same planet?

 

 

One Big Happy Family #5

First the warning which is very essential for the posts like this: If you are looking for heads and tails to a story, do not, I repeat do not proceed reading this post, not even as much as look at the pictures.

*

You guys, Mr. A is in so much of distress. This sweet little man, is pining for his Mrs, who because of some misunderstanding has gone away from him. I feel so terrible for Mr. A that I thought I’d go and find Mrs. B myself. But I had to deal with Mr. Z first, who, in the first place has created so much of trouble in my only happy ever after.

In my absence that evil Mr. Z has put seeds of suspicion in the mind of that innocent Mrs. B and now my one big happy family is in danger. See for yourself, the place looks so empty without them. 😦

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I miss them you know.

But then one find day, I saw Mr. A crying in vain for his beloved. I could hear him singing that very song, Gumshuda, O Gumshuda.. Dekhne mein hai haseen
Rehti hai yahin kahin
Kho gayi, haan kho gayi
Woh pari, woh apsara, dilnashi, dilruba
Kho gayi, haan kho gayi

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See, my Mr. A has become a hopeless romantic just like SRK.

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I guess seeing him so heart broken, melted down Mrs. B, and she came back to their old abode one fine evening.

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But she had her own tantrums. She came back, but she wouldn’t talk to Mr. A.

That sweet and caring Mr. A and she wouldn’t talk to him.

But Mr. A wouldn’t loose hope, and he started his own pattern of wooing her again.

Somehow, he convinced her to stay with him for at least a few days. But that stubborn Mrs. B wouldn’t agree. In the end after a long argument it was decided that they would stay at the same place, but in different rooms since now, she needed her ‘own space!!’

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Of course Mr. A, the ever romantic that he is, didn’t give up. He kept calling from his above room, and sang to her the entire melody of-

Main Yahan Tu Wahan, Jindagi Hai Kahan
Tu Hi Tu Hai Sanam Dekhta Hoon Jahan
Neend Aati Nahi Yaad Jaati Nahi
Bin Tere Abb Jiya Jaaye Naa…..
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See the tears!! How could she not melt??
And yet, she remained determined in not talking to him. So my Mr. A decided to ask her out on a date, where finally, she melted. Oh what smiles it brought out on that face of my dear romantic hero.
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Oh he even played the background music 😀
Do Dil Mil Rahe Hain
Magar Chupke Chupke
Sabhko Ho Rahi Hai
Haan Sabhko Ho Rahi Hai
Khabar Chupke Chupke……..
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And he even cried that ‘Tussi ja rahe ho? Tussi na jao” wala dialogue when they were leaving.
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But the very adamant Mrs. B had to leave him, only to teach him God knows what!! So they parted ways, and after a few days, just in time when their kids were about to come home from their long vacation, they united.
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And the kids even sang the ever melodramatic- Janmon Ke Saathi Hum Saath Saath Hain for their parents……
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And my one big happy family lives happily ever after.
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I am telling you, so far as happy ending goes, this is what I have, and I am going to try and do everything to keep this so.
And I presume that by now you know how crazy and irrational I can get through my posts sometimes. So if you have come this far, I truly thank you to bear with this crazy and stupid woman, time and again.
PS: Sorry to those who wouldn’t have heard these songs and will literally be unable to make heads and tails of the story.

Confusional Emotions!!

How do emotions work?

Yeah, you heard me right, yes, I am asking about the workings of emotion. As simple as  it might sound to you, I am at a loss when it comes to it’s answer. How exactly do they work?

For most of the ‘normal people’ it works as laughter with happiness and a dam full of tears with sadness, rage with anger and confusion with bewilderment. And yet I fail to adapt to this very simple fact and working of a heart. This makes me wonder, do I even have a heart like any other normal person? Well, of course I have one, but surely it is ill-positioned and ill functioning. It is definitely not where it should have been.

Why this sudden burst of thoughts? I have no idea. Most of the times I don’t know how to deal with them and as any other person I live in denial, till they subside a little and finally I can deal with them.

I don’t know why and how this happens with me, but sometimes when I should be really confused about a serious decision, I know the answer instead. It is absolutely straight to me as to what should I do, and I have my judgments clear. (So far so good, never been in trouble; fingers crossed)

Then when I should be really angry at someone, I let it go. I don’t even give it much of a thought. I am told by people again and again, that it is a wrong decision, but I let it go. Morals win over, I guess. I don’t know, I just don’t even feel angry then or what. But then suddenly the very same person does something which is really insignificant this time, but I think my patience has been tried enough, and I burst…. I burst till I have nothing left inside and I simply let out my anger over that inconsequential matter. Where do my morals go then? (I ask this because I can be really mean when I am angry; when I am angry and I lose it. I will admit that I get angry easily, but I don’t lose it so soon, I guess those are two different things.)

When I should be really upset or sad about anything, people are tensed to their nerves beside me, and I have to forcefully stifle a laugh. I mean why, how?? Why will I want to laugh at a crucial time? (Get my dilemma?)

Yes, this next thing is going to be hilarious. When I should be smiling and laughing and be really happy, I have to supress my sobs. And I roll my eyes and ask myself “really?”

This happened just yesterday, when I was reading (Yes simply reading, not even a real life situation) and I had to conquer over few stray tears. What I was reading was something too sweet, too beautiful, too happy (too good to be true) and yet there I was gripping my fist, scratching my toes, trying to stop myself from crying.

So back to my question, how do emotions work? Or should I ask why I am so weird? (Rolling my eyes constantly at the second question)