Tag Archives: It’s Humour time.

Mr. Coffee Hater #2

Aaj jane ki zid na karo.. yu hi pehlu me baithe raho…..

 

I hum along the very old lyrics, sitting in my balcony, sipping that hot cup of coffee, drenching in that cool, chilly after-rain air, that unseasonal rain which leaves everything all the more beautiful. I am lost; lost in that very strong cup of coffee, lost among those very soothing winds; lost in a different era of love.

 

I am lost when suddenly, out of nowhere, disconcerting my train of thoughts, This stupid Mr. Coffee Hater barges in rushing, fluttering, clapping, smiling, “Pehle muje ane to do, uske baad me jane ki zid karunga na.” I have to literally battle with my calm, with my soothing mind to come back and realize what exactly happened.

 

“You frightened me.” I scream.

“Someone’s in a mood!!” comes back the taunting respond.

“Don’t even let me begin on mood.”

“Oh ever the dramatic Moushmi.”

“Yeah? You think I do drama all the time?”

“Well, not all the time. At least not when you sing such wonderful, soulful songs for me.”

He thinks the song is for him!! Oh God!! Can he really be any more self-obsessive?

“The song wasn’t for you.” I retort.

“Of course it wasn’t.” And he tries patting my hand.

“Oh, just get lost.”

“But I just came in.” He tries with all his roughish charms.

“Yeah, but you didn’t come in when I needed you. Oh, you are just the same. It will probably do you more good if you just left!”

“I was busy.” He tries puppy faces.

“Yeah, and so I am, now!! Any plans on leaving, then?”

“Well, I am not disturbing you, am I?”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I am not. All I can remember is you were singing or should I say trying to sing a song, whereby you were pleading with me to not go.” He smirks.

“For the 100thtime, the song wasn’t for you.”

“Let’s say, I agree that it wasn’t for me. Then may I ask, whom were you dedicating it to?” He really tries.

“No, you may not know.”

“Oh, come on! I go away for a little while and you throw all your tantrums on me. I said I am sorry.”

“No, you never said sorry!”

“I did.”

“In your head, you did!!”

“Someone’s really angry this time!.” He mumbles.

“I heard that!!

“Yeah, well if you heard that, do you hear me asking for that damned coffee?”

“Since when have you started liking coffee?”

“Oh, I still hate it. But if that is what it takes for you to calm down, lady? Then coffee it is!”

“Oh come on. I don’t want your upkaar.” I snap.

“It is not upkaar. I mean it.” He smiles that foolish smile.

I wonder. Is he right? Is he fooling me? I try to read his face, but before I can he changes the topic. “So, I hear you were really missing me?”

“I have better things to do, than miss someone who hates coffee!”

“Are we still on that?”

“Well, we will be on that until you start drinking coffee!!”

“So, is there anything new except of your coffee?” he changes the topic again.

“No.” I am still very adamant.

“How’s work?

“Good.”…………. “But come to think of it….”

“There it is. I was just wondering how have you not ‘thought’ of anything so far. HAHAHA you and your thinking.”

“If my thinking bothers you so much, then why did you come here again?”

“I heard you were missing me.” He flatters himself.

“Well, you had fake news. Be assured of that!”

“Seriously?” He rolls his eyes at me.

“Yes!!”

“Oh, in that case I must go. I just thought……”

“Ha ha! Caught you. I have told you. Thinking isn’t your responsibility. You fail miserably at it.”

“Yeah, I know. I just thought I was better at it by now.”

“There, you are doing it again. My dear, you just are pathetic at it.” I rejoice in his failure.

“Yeah? So are you.”

“In what, may I ask?”

No, you may not!!”

Uuuuuuuurrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh

“Why not?”

“Just….”

“Okay, don’t say. But are you going to ever tell me where exactly have you been for so many days?”

“No!” Comes the blatant reply.

“Really?” I stare dumbfounded.

What is wrong with you? I want to scream. But I sip my coffee instead.

“So, what brings you here, today, after so many days? I thought you just forgot me?”

“You!!”

“Oh, please don’t start that again!! Stop being cheesy!!”

“It’s not cheesy.”

“It is.”

“It’s not. And even if it is, at least it’s better than your coffee!!”

I remain silent.

“Are you going to say anything?” He chirps.

I am still silent.

“Okay, then I am leaving.” He is losing patience now.

“WAIT! You can’t go….”

“I know. I know. The coffee isn’t over yet.” He finishes for me.

“So do I get the pleasure to know your name, now?” I am all too politeness for him.

He rolls his eyes and smirks. He just knows its fake.

“You could you if you wanted to.”

“But you won’t say your name.” I almost spill my cup in screaming at him.

“You won’t ask.” He bats his wings angrily.

“I just did.”

“Okay, I will tell you today, just as soon as you finish your idiotic, extremely hot, stupid, excessively strong, unwanted and sour coffee!!!!!”

He has crossed his limits.

I fume.

He winks.

I gulp down the coffee. Enough is enough. I will know his name, today.

He winks again. He smiles mischievously. Bats his wings.

“Aisi baate kiya na karo..” And just as swiftly he flies away, above and beyond. And in another second he is too far away from me.

He is gone. The coffee cup is empty. The wind is whistling into my ears. In the background the wonderful lady, that gorgeous Farida Khannumsmiles vainly into nothingness, “Jaan jati hai jab uth k jate ho tum……..

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Until we meet again.

 

Take care!

More about this stupid, nerving, extremely irritating Coffee Hater: Mr. Coffee Hater- My New Friend!

One Big Happy Family #4

I am back, back to my city, back to peace, or to say as much peace I can get right now.

But I am stunned!! What happened to my big happy family????

They are no where to be found.

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But the beat part of being back is, I don’t have to deal with Mr. Z now. I guess, he got scared at the knowledge of my arrival.

You can see below that he has vacated his spot, leaving my Mr. and Mrs. A and B to live in peace.

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But there is also a disadvantage to this. In my absence Mr. Z seems to have troubled my ‘One big happy family’ a lot, the result of which is, I cannot find their place of hiding. I have looked at all the places, at all their abodes, but my one big happy family seems to have dispersed.

The only bits and parts, the only members of this big happy family are below:

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Well, I do intend to find the rest of the members of this happy ever after soon. I have told before, I am not going to let this happy ever after be ruined. No, I am not!!!

By any chance do you guys know where my ‘One big happy family’ is?? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤔

 

One Big Happy Family #3

Hey guys, anyone remember my happy ever after? That one big family I was so proud of? That little X whom I loved making jealous? That family where there was no trouble?

Well, as it happens that ‘One big family’ they are in trouble, because there is a new villain 😩

The moment I leave them, they get themselves into some trouble. Can someone not survive without me for even a week???

Oh God!!

Anyways, I am out of my city, away from the only happy ever after I have and they are in big trouble. And when I say big trouble, I mean it. Because only then would Mr and Mrs would have sent me the picture of new Mr Z.  And boy, is he dangerous!!!

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This Mr Z, I don’t like him and he is after my favourite ‘one big happy family’.

I think I need to get home soon now. As I have already told,  I cannot let anyone ruin my happy ever after.

PS: Hoping someone would go take care of my happy ever after till I return!! A big Sigh!!!

Here is the link to my big family’s introduction- https://aestheticmiradh.com/2018/02/24/one-big-happy-family/

Labour Day!

India is celebrating labour day today and as usual my phone buzzes with messages and wishes of ‘Labour day’, as it happens on any specific day or festival. Most of the companies have started this new trend these days, to send texts and images to everyone celebrating and wishing almost every calendar day.  And even today, I did the same with those texts, opened them and simply ignored them. I don’t know why but I am just not very much attracted to these general, yet very formal messages having no personal touch, and I avoid those texts and images which clutter and fill my phone’s space. Most of the times I don’t even download these images, knowing I am going to delete it just the very minute. Call me rude, but what can I say, I do this and I admit it. If it helps, I do write the person a very formal ‘same to you’ in return.

So, today when I was cleaning my phone gallery when a certain picture caught me. I hadn’t even seen who sent me the said picture, but it got into my nerves and had to find out who sent it. Some of you might get the humour, but I didn’t.

The picture that ‘he’ (The fact that it is a he is significant here) sent me with the caption “Happy Labour’s Day” is below:

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I don’t know, I was just not in the mood or what, but I didn’t like the relation. The concept that a man is a labour for a woman just doesn’t get in my head. Never!!!!

I didn’t say anything, didn’t react but I played the game and sent him two different pictures with the same caption.

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This sure enraged him. “A woman is never a labour…… she is always respected by good men….. why do women have to always turn this on us…… why can’t they take humour…….”

I laughed my heart out after this, it was hilarious him blurting out. When he did it was fine, but when I did it, it was ‘women always turn it on gentlemen”.

Not sure who couldn’t take the humour. Me or him?

₹500 or 1000?

Well at first I thought I wouldn’t give my opinion publicly on this but then something happened today that made me do it anyhow.

By now I think everyone knows about the ban on 500 and 1000₹ notes and the consequences of it so I’ll go straight to my point. I am not the PM I am not any high authority official, I am just a common person and so I think like one. So when the news was broadcasted I thought of not my excess money but about how will I survive till the crisis is solved.

Anyways, I am not here to talk about myself I am here to share a story and honestly I am not doing it to gain sympathy nor even to claim of be right or wrong. I just felt like sharing it.

My house helper today came to our house and almost begged to my mother for some money. Well, her story was something like this. She was broke just like other POOR people and hand managed to borrow 500₹ from someone yesterday and today it was just a piece of paper and by the time she realised what she had to do she had to wait for practically another 48 hours to get some “money”.

“Bhabhi ji please lend me some money I have to buy food for myself and my children and I do not have any money. I somehow managed 500₹ yesterday and today this is not even money for the same grocery store.” These were her exact words.

Well this may be the right decision for my country and I am not saying this should not have happened but the only thing that would have helped more to the general public would be a bit more of time and a certain amount of warning.

I think in a step of clearing away all the black money, somehow the poorest of all are suffering the most. The owners of the black money may not have had to undergo such trouble which the underprivileged people are going through.

PS: My current situation-

Me: Collecting all 100s and 20 and 10s to give some cash to the pizza guy. I don’t even know when I can go to the bank as I am not free up till Friday.

My friend: Banks are open on Saturdays and Sundays too.

Me: That’s like a bite of stale paneer for me now when I am damn hungry. And I don’t even like paneer.

My friend: Then why did you order paneer?

Me: I ordered for euros but then lost all my ₹ too 😀