I woke up with a smile today!! Yeah, I was as surprised. Just before I was coming back to consciousness, bidding good bye to my unconscious or absolute unconscious, there was a light shy smile on my face. Yes, I could feel it all, almost know why I was smiling too. But just then I woke up and realized that I was smiling. How was it possibly even true? I barely smile awake, I mean to say, I laugh, a lot, but smiling is different to me and there I was smiling pretty smiles in my dreams, in my sleep. And just then fear gripped me for smiling and I stopped immediately and came back to reality. I woke up.
But it would be good if I could remember exactly why I was smiling about, what was so good, even if in my dreams that made me smile. Why couldn’t I have it in reality? What was it in my dreams? Why was it in my dreams? What was so fulfilling? Why did I forget it? I sure remember all the nightmares, so accurately, so precisely then why couldn’t I remember the one dream that I want to remember!!
They say you should leave behind all the burdens and sorrows of the past but is it so easy? I mean overnight does so many things change that a new year brings suddenly new news and bright days? I mean isn’t it just a change of numbers from 2016 to 2017? Isn’t a new start when one really changes something in his life?
Anyhow there is no harm in hoping against all odds that the new year if not just the next day might bring fresh flow of laughter and an exceptionally bright future to all of us.
So here’s wishing you all a very bright and prosperous new year.
It might be the last page of 2016 and the first of 2017 but it will be a page from my book of life, and a very important one at that.
I thought I loved you enough for the sake of two but as it proves I might have been wrong then. It never worked out and it might have been for good, you seem happy now and that is all I ever wanted. And yet somewhere deep down there was always a part of me throughout that pined for some way, some microscopic possibility that I could get the love, the feeling that I wanted, wanted from you.
You seem to be blissful but never did it occur to you that somewhere someone might have been hurt and you never knew that you were the reason. It did hurt when you wouldn’t talk to me, when you would ignore me and yet all I thought about was how to make you smile. It hurt when despite this I could just not let you out of my thoughts.
I had faith in you then, I have faith in you now.
I have cried and have laughed, had tears of happiness and of torment and yet the only thing that brings me here is that someday someone will come and make me realise that why it never worked with you. Why it was always hollow and partial and then I would know what I had been missing on.
PS: What is a love story without a heart break, right? 😉
Pic: As always googled!
Hey dear bloggers,
Today I open my blog after a few days and get a notification informing me that I have 500+ followers. Well, I couldn’t contain myself and I don’t think any one of you could too.
I am too overjoyed. It has been really a short span for me here and in that I have not only gained 500 followers but also readers who appreciate my work and take out there time to read and give their thoughts on my posts. I am truly thankful to each one of you here for supporting me and my tini-tiny blog.
A big Thank you to all of you for encouraging me.
And now it’s Q/A time. I will try to answer any of your questions and will surely like to know about you too. Feel free to share anything about yourself. It would be a great time to connect.
I was watching a movie and some serious sad climax was going on when I noticed myself smiling. This was probably the first time that my emotions were not in collaboration with those going on in the screen and the moment I realised it I started laughing so hard that there might have been tears of happiness.
Well, I wasn’t laughing at the emotional crisis of the actors; I was smiling because in the distant my mind was not even watching the movie. My eyes were glued to the screen; true that but my heart and soul were wandering through the past conversations I had had with a friend.
The conversation? Oh, it’s not important but the friend, yes he is.
I might be the most stubborn and arrogant person and there are very few people who have moved me so deeply and the fact that he is one of them makes me ecstatic. I do not know how but somehow has has such a power over me that when I am angry or sad a smile spreads across my face just with a mere thought that has him in it. I would not say my problems disappear but the mile helps and that’s enough for me.
I am happy when my phone rings and he is the one calling, for a change I am not even taking the initiative. I am happy when he is at the door picking me up and I am okay for the first time being dependent on someone else. I am happy when there is a text from him even though it would be a silly joke. It’s not cheesy when he says ‘Take care’; even the simple ‘morning’ messages seem to be brighter than the sunshine. For the first time I let myself get teased and laugh at my own callousness. For a change I do not let my mistakes count on me. For a change I feel someone apart from my folks care for me and I can say it is a good feeling which I have never known.
All throughout my life there have been people in my life; they have come and gone and very few have stayed. And those very few have altered my life. I want him to be one of them. I do not want him to be “most of them”. I want him to be the “very few” cause I like those very few.
Well, I know nothing lasts “forever” least of all the good times and I am freaking scared of losing this. I wish it would last if not forever then at least for a little long. (I know however long it would be I would still want it to be a little long.)
I am scared what if I lost this. What if he doesn’t want to be one of them? What if he too leaves just like the others? Has it not always happened to me; the moment I am happy gloom knocks the door? The second I laugh tears start rolling down?
Has it ever happened to you that you do not feel like doing anything? When you want to but just do not feel good? When you want to cry your eyes out and you don’t even know why? When you want to sit on the rooftop and talk to someone who really understands you and laugh like hell? When you want to just sit and listen and smile?
Yesterday was more of that kind of day for me when work kept piling up and yet my body and mind refused to remove any single layer of it. So, in the evening when I had finally realised that nothing is going to work for me at that time I finally took out my phone and texted Mr. H and for my sweet luck I didn’t get any text back. “May be busy.” I thought.
I called up Miss Y, “Hey, what’s up? I am going to a birthday party; can I give you a call later?”
I call Mr. V, “Hi, You know what I just left for XYZ, I am driving now, I’ll give you a call when I reach there.” I put down the phone without even telling him that I wanted to talk for a while.
Well, well, well, just my luck. My timing of my bad mood couldn’t have been better. None of them were free. The fact that they were busy wasn’t troubling me but why couldn’t just for once things be different? For once there could have been someone who would have talked me to laughing out loud and be the chirpy girl that I like to be.
Anyways, so there I was trying to get better and guess what came to my rescue? My knight in the shining armour couldn’t have been better? F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes once again and a big bar of chocolate and the next thing I knew I was laughing at Joey’s callousness, Phoebe’s ditzy-ness, Ross and Rachel’s “We-were-on-a-break” and Mondler’s everlasting love.
PS: The bar of chocolate added up a lot too. J
A big thank you to all of you who are reading this for it is because of you that I have achieved 200+ followers on WordPress that to so very soon. It has been really a short span here for me and I have somehow managed to get immense support from people around here. I cannot thank you all enough.
And now it’s again Q/A time so ask me any thing you wish to and tell me one thing about yourself. It could be a random fact, a weird habit, a hobby or anything. Just lets know each other.
And yes thank you again!