Tag Archives: life

Treacherous Love.

He promised me he’d forever be mine

Giving me no reason to think, to my face he’d lie,

He sealed his promise with a chaste kiss

Deceiving me into believing for an eternal bliss.

 

He didn’t leave me of his own accord

Only- death did us sorrowfully apart,

But in him, I lost my partner in crime

And with him, I lost my reason to smile.

 

Now, when old age has befriended me

With ‘lack’ of all kinds seeping in,

Teeth, taste, ability to walk; hear

Wanting, patiently for my heart to tear.

 

Time and loneliness has started eating me alive

With my body withered, no one cares for my hidden vice,

And despite the lineage of children and grandchildren

No one deciphers the secluded nausea, building in.

 

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A Raving Reminiscence.

The lane is empty

Except for the kacchi kairi

Kacchi kairi strewn across on both sides.

“What is kacchi kairi?” he asks.

I turn to him, and give him an imploring look-

See for yourself.

“All I see is beaten, tattered, useless raw mangoes.”

I give him that look again.

I smile.

I keep walking, walking

On that lane which is delusory,

Empty, except for kacchi kairi.

The trees tower over us

The greenery overpowering us, shadowing us

From the clouds.

The faint drizzle seething into our veins

The pungent raw smell

Overwhelming my memories from which I have abstained.

The lane desolate, leaves scattered about,

Kacchi kairi’s standing orthodoxly, waiting

For my retrieval into the fond memories

Buried deep, somewhere inside.

And in a trance I was transported eons back

Playing- carefree-

Callous- teasing-

Happy!

The sweet sour memory of eating that kacchi kairi,

The soft tiniest bite

Sour juices flowing

Eyes barely opening

And yet I would take bite after

Bite.

That sweet-sour memory of kacchi kairi.

“So what’s new in that? You still eat kacchi kairi.”

“I know”, I sigh!

Its different I want to cry.

But I give him that smile.

It’s just not the same kacchi kairi!

“So what, now you want that same raw mangoes that you ate

As a child? Don’t you think that’s rather impractical?”

The rage that gnaws at me is minutely conquered

By the insanity that he thinks I live in.

I don’t answer.

I just give him that look,

And he gives me that look

When he thinks that I want to make him understand

Without the words,

And he thinks I don’t know that he does understand,

He just enjoys his taunts more

But I know

And he knows.

And we draw each other together,

Closer.

And we walk that deserted lane,

Where there is nothing

The lane is empty,

Except for the kacchi kairi.

Kacchi kairi strewn across on both sides.

 

My Very Own Peccadillo.

I don’t know love

I don’t know how it is to be loved

But I know how to love

Day in and day out-

Giving my all.

I am a woman, pining for love

Waiting to be touched;

To be held in your arms, to be

Kissed.

The soft murmur of your eyes-

The hoarse voice; I am only waiting.

I don’t know love

I don’t know how it is to be loved

For I am full of distortions

Queerness, you may say.

But everything I own is mine

And mine alone.

I am whole and yet incomplete

For I don’t know love.

I am a pleaser-

A sinner.

I am my own beloved

I am the betrayed.

I have joys, I have aches.

But they are all mine,

Mine alone.

I am I.

For I don’t know love

I don’t know what it is to be loved

But I know how to love______

The Disguised Innocence.

She was walking alone, dazed, on a torturous esplanade

Fighting battles that she didn’t know existed within,

Shaky, confused, confounded

Adrift amidst her own gloomy labyrinth.

 

Having abandoned her modest attire

The saree, the simplicity, long discarded,

Adorning herself in skirts, she became a voracious liar

Determining to no more forsake her heart unguarded.

 

With an extra layer of seething gory kohl

She strived to camouflage her inner sufferings,

The dark lips concealing the agony, the rage exalted at a knoll

While her innocence, her honesty;

Secretively yet commandingly tumbling.

 

She thought she’d garner and hoard her emotions

Pretending to be strong, while her insides shivered,

But her eyes failed her miserably deceiving all notions

Pulling her into an emotional whirlwind blizzard.

 

She was determined to make herself be loathed

Pining to remain abandoned, isolated and lone,

Yearning for no one to heal her soul

Hardly discerning that in a stance he’ll come

And all her aches will be enthroned.

 

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The Betraying Eyes.

Walking down that lane

An identical cup of coffee in hand,

Her captivating smell brushed my senses

And I just fell in love.

 

A crop top and a snuggish denim skirt

Defining unpretentiously her grimacing smirk.

Hair curly and wild, and on her feet some ragged sneakers

Elucidating the most mundane, screaming through her sharp features.

 

Kohl smeared and black smoldering eyes

Screeching the unknown and the hidden lies,

Oh, what with the black luscious lips

Without any trace of a smile, makes my heart flip.

 

The rage, the hatred, the agony quite visible

All making her to me, surprisingly irresistible,

Her secrets, her valor, her daunting self

Making me feel like a fustian elf.

 

She didn’t win me over with her mysterious meander

I melted into a glaze, by her dark loathful candor.

I stood there; fiery; lost; engulfed

And just like that I fell in love.

 

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Superhuman.

I wonder how people exactly multi task so much. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I am not talking about simple things like walking and texting, or eating and watching TV. I have bigger issues today. There are people who do millions of things together and yet seem never to get tired.

 

I know some people who do this! I am not kidding!!

 

Their chores start the moment the wake up, and seem never ending. It all begins with a morning work out/ exercise/ walk, and goes on to their respective jobs. Well of course a single job doesn’t suffice and so there is another part time work from home thing. And they seem to have time for that too. Their lunches are always never alone, considering how many people they have to keep up with. The evening brings back the writing ant inside of them and hence starts the blogging world, which of course requires an exceptional amount of time. Blogging is of course never a one-hand thing, leading to various social media for recognition, where of course they are extraordinarily rewarded. They have a social presence in a virtual world too. Their friends know their whereabouts constantly, from what they are doing, where they are doing, to why and with whom they are. Hence their social life is hype. Well, as dusk falls, dinner reservations are made for social life is not for only social media, made. So, when the person comes back home, with a stomach full, and a little weekday booze, a coffee is needed so that the person does not snooze. As the exams are approaching the person needs to prepare too. And hence a couple of hours are spent, wracking the brains and selecting the mains, whereby sleep befalls, and peace prevails.

 

Please tell me how do these people do this! Are they even human or some super power do they attain? Do I lack that kind of brain? Or am I just too lazy and of course a little crazy to even follow that kind of train?

 

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PS: This is me, pretty much after doing every single thing!

यादें

वो घुंघरू की जँकार

वो झिलमिलाता ताल.

 

वो बजते ढोल

वो सरगम के बोल.

 

वो थिरकते पैर

वो नशीले नैन.

 

वो दिल धड़कता

वो साँसे झूमती.

 

वो मन मचलता

वो अनकही ख़ुशी.

 

वो ज़िंदा होने का एहसास

वो ज़िंदा रहने की प्यास.

 

आज सब बहुत याद आ रहे हैं.