Something from the old me!
I have my own doubts and reluctance when it comes to this poetry, if at all it can be called one. I wrote it almost a year ago, and have never come about to posting it. So now you know how much I was hesitant to share this with anyone. It has taken me a year and another three days to have the courage to share this with you or anyone for that matter.
So now before I change my mind, I am going to hit publish, and let you guys judge me..
Where are you hiding away from me?
Why, dear love, why do you hide from me?
Are you hiding beneath the sky?
The sky that is dark and gloomy
The empty face
That is raining down on me?
Are you hiding betwixt the stars?
The stars, magnificent and twinkling
A beautiful constellation
That is shining upon me?
Are you hiding behind the full moon?
A moon, calm and comforting
The complete façade
That is spreading its borrowed light on me?
Are you hiding among the woods?
The woods and trees that seem all lonely
The empty silence
That is lumbering down on me?
Are you hiding behind the sun?
The sun that is bright and radiant
The blinding fury
That is scorching down on me?
Are you hiding behind the mountains?
The mountains that are far and away
The scratchy road
That is soaring upon me?
Are you hiding among the seas and oceans?
The oceans that are waving in
The tumultuous uproar
That is really trembling me?
Are you hiding among the winds?
The winds, rapid and raw
A soft touch
That is truly whistling down on me?
In vain you hide from me
Why, dear love, why do you hide from me?
Thank you once again, if you have come this far!! Did not expect you to.
Ever felt the importance of something- which is clearly not as important anyway! Still you feel like it is the most important thing in our life, the only thing that is going to be good, to be okay for you and you cling onto it so bad. You just can’t let go, not because you don’t want to but simply because you can’t. That one thing that you may have done right; that makes you forget almost all other wrongs. Is it not then that you realise that there is nothing much in your life, except for that one thing? What if even that goes away? Then I might be left with simply nothing!
I thing I am just rambling anyway, I should stop my babble right away.
Have a good day,
To the pearl of our family
My grandfather has had a great influence on me. Ever since I was born I have always been influenced by him, his actions, and his way of dealing with life. Though we have been together for a very short period of time we have shared great moments which can never be forgotten.
My grandfather was a great man. Despite being a common man he was no less than a saintly person. He had a very pure and a helpful heart. He belonged to an extremely poor family from a very small village called ‘Chakuliya’. In his days education was not so common but still he had managed to do P.H.D in Sanskrit. He wanted to become a Sanskrit professor but luck did not favour him. In spite of his so called degree he did not get any job and thus having no option he decided to continue his father’s business. This was just the first sacrifice he made for his family because after this followed a chain of sacrifices. I wonder how despite these facts he was happy at heart. He never regretted for what he did, rather he always thought about others first and then for himself. And this was the reason why my grand father has always been a special person in my life.
He had an appealing personality. He was loved by all. He was no different from any of our grand fathers. He too was very old, had long beard, very huge but a well maintained and strong body. He had a very happy-go-lucky nature and this was probably the cause for his being loved by everyone. He was a role model for many people. He could easily solve anyone’s problem and was himself a winner in his life.
He had sacrificed for his parents, for his children, and even his grandchildren. He always loved us and cared for us. He took his family business to great heights and had done everything on his own capabilities. Despite seeing numerous twists and turns in life he had proved himself as a strong man and even challenged life.
My grandfather had a very good and close relation with me. Being the only daughter in his family I was loved by him a lot. He pampered me and in return I loved him the most. We shared a special bonding, a bonding which I shared with no one else ever in my life and will never do. We passed most of the time together. Till I was sent to the nursery school he looked after me the whole day. I used to share everything with him- what I did in my school, what was I taught, my interests, and what I wanted to do further. And so on and so forth. My cute meaningless talks never ended but he enjoyed even those conversations. He helped me in my studies and always protected me from my mother when I did anything wrong.
Apart from this he gave me lessons regarding life. He taught me small manners, etiquettes, and the ways of behaving formally and informally. He never scolded me but he always explained to me why I should not do something. He had the biggest hand in building my personality. He was the only one who could understand me well.
It was then, when I was in class 2, he was suffering from throat cancer. His case was critical and the cancer was in its last stage. I was absolutely unaware about this. Even in this situation he never showed his tension, worries and problems to anyone. He still thought about others and their happiness. He behaved in a manner as if nothing had happened. At that time he heard the news that his youngest son had met with an accident and he needed blood. I should say he really was a great man, for even in his last days he did not lose hope when everyone else had. He did whatever he could for my uncle.
The last thing he wanted to do was to donate his own blood to my uncle. B- was short in the blood banks of our city and none of our relatives were B- except the pearl among pearls ‘My Grandfather’. He was a cancer patient and thus he could not donate his own blood. He was just unable to bear this fact. He felt helpless, paralysed and yet he did not lose it. I am really proud to be HIS grand daughter, really he was a man to be remembered for what he did in the past and what he did next. He brought innumerable poor people, got their blood tests, and those who were B- were paid a huge amount for donating their blood to my uncle. Wasn’t that just great? Yes it was. But great people do die and he too died in a month giving our uncle a new life.
Heartbroken we were and depressed I was to lose the best pearl, the strongest pillar of our family. He has imprinted his memories on us with such an ink which is just impossible to erase.
He had left some letters for me teaching me principles of life and giving me pieces of advice. I love him a lot and I miss him a lot. I even follow his footsteps. Whenever I am in a problem I place myself in his place and think what he would do if he would have been in the same situation. He has always been my inspiration and will always be. I miss his small and cute gifts, chocolates, beatings, thrashings and scolding. Even today I read those letters very often but have firmly decided to follow him throughout my life.
Days have passed like years but I have remembered them with silent tears.
PS: I called it imaginary because I don’t remember much of it. All of this is what I kept listening form my family members, which I poured out in words when I was a teen. And I could only wish I had the chance of living it once more, just to cherish those moments.