Tag Archives: marriage

The Last Name Drama

We were just sitting at the tea table, sipping some tea when the conversation began between me and my mother. Of course I don’t remember how it started, but it ended quite abruptly and not in good terms. And I will admit from the beginning that I might not have been the sweetest and the most patient person then.

Watching TV and discussing about God knows what, we started discussing about the name change of a woman post marriage. All I had said till then was that a woman has the right to decide if she wants to take her husband’s name or not. And just then, she blasted. “What do you mean that it is on her to decide? Are you implying that you want to keep your name after marriage? Do you not understand how your in-laws are going to react when they find out about that? They will only think that you never accepted them if you don’t change your name. And what about your husband, how is he going to feel?”

And that is when I broke the spell, and asked her to hold her horses.

“Mom, please calm down, I am not getting married now. And I just said that it is on a woman to decide, I did not say what I am going to do. And after this you have made me realise that it is almost a rule according to you. Not changing name isn’t exactly acceptable.”

“No, no, you don’t want to change your name, don’t change, you handle your new family then, I will not interfere.” And started the emotional drama.

“Yes, I will see what I will have to do then.” And we continued watching TV in silence, and after a while I left the room.

*

I might have over-reacted but she might have too. I was just passing a general comment. I am really not getting married now, and honestly, I haven’t even thought about such things. Just the fact about getting married scares me now, let alone the thought of changing names.

And yes,, I still stand by what I said, it is on her to decide what she wants to do. Anything forcibly is not accepted.

And honestly, just how much trouble we have to go through to change names everywhere, on each and every identity cards, not to forget the social media where we have the trend of having two last names.

Modern Aunts!

Ever wondered, why people are the way they are?

Why do they behave in the manner they do?

Being selfish is important in this world, I think that is very much common to here now, but how far can one go, and even when at someone else’s cost.

Telling someone off, but isn’t it necessary to peep inside your own soul first rather than criticising someone else.

*

All these questions bother my mind now because of a friend. She called me up to relieve herself from all that she had gone through in the last hour when she was with her friends and families.

“Why are you so upset?”

The answer is always an aunt in our case, an Indian aunt who is always bothered and interested in someone else’s business.

So here my friend was coolly being the host at her place, celebrating her parents’ marriage anniversary, when this modern, beautiful, charismatic, wealthy aunt comes and flaunts literally everything, from her shoes to the gifts that she brought.

Okay, I know we all must have had such aunts! I do too.

Then came the general small talks, what came next was what my friend was not prepared for.

“So when do you think your daughter should marry? I have a guy in my mind.” There is always a guy in these aunts’ mind.

“I am still studying. I am doing my post-graduation now. I want to work after this.”

“Oh no, I think post-graduation is enough. After that you have to marry.”

All this while her parents just glorying beside her.

The aunt was still not satisfied, “Even this is too much. I think parents should start finding prospective husbands for their daughters when they are about to complete their graduation. That is the exact time, I guess.”

“Yeah you guess!!! Then I hope the next year you are planning to find a perfect husband for your daughter too. Isn’t she completing her graduation then?” screaming in rage my friend forgot that she was the host.

And of course she got a big eye gaze from her parents, and the disgusted look from that aunt, but nothing else mattered. Her mood was spoilt, and so was that aunt’s. Well, post the celebration, she also got a good one from her dad, but what was she to do? Listen to other’s beliefs and commands?

Is it not on her and her parents as to how much to study, where to work, when to marry? As it is it is difficult to convince parents for education and working before marriage; don’t even let me start on post marriage scenarios. And here, these aunts!!

Like literally, how many of them are there?

And you know what that aunt replied to her parents? “No, my daughter is going to study after her graduation; I am in no hurry to marry her off. It’s her life; she’ll see what to do. She is different.”

As if my friend’s life is not hers.

What gave her the right to do so?

*

All I can say is my friend could have kept the temper and replaced it with sarcasm; apart from that I am with her. And I don’t care about speaking up to elders or disrespecting a guest if such was the case.

*

And for the record, her parents are considering their decision to ‘allow’ her to pursue her higher studies.

So cheers to these ‘modern aunts’.

And so they don’t like me now!

I was sitting with my cousin and my aunt in their house, munching snacks and having a relaxed time over a cup of tea. We were having a blast, my cousins who have come all the way from Gujarat are really chirpy and can make you feel instantly at home anywhere, even if they are themselves not at home, and my aunt surely enjoys their company. Whenever they come over it is like the house is full of people, despite them being only two teen girls.

One of them just went upstairs to bring something to show me and that was enough for my aunt to start on me. She definitely likes to know everything going on in my life, and I on the contrary hate telling her or any one for that matter everything going on in my life. I can tell you just the thing you know but not every petty thing. So somehow we landed on the topic of girls being educated which made her say that she wants a “Beautiful, educated wife for her son who would stay at home and look after everyone.”

I could have made 1000 jokes on this and let it go but I could not, just as I am never able to let it go. I tried to make her understand what she was asking for and yet I could pass nothing into her chained minds. For her education is important but when it comes to utilising it, girls aren’t meant to do it. I mean do these people even understand themselves what they are asking for? They want an engineer homemaker for an engineer man, a doctor for a doctor, a management student for a manager? They want a girl to spend years and years educating her, working so hard to bring her to certain level and when the time comes to marry, they want her to leave it all behind and shove her degrees in the store room.

I respect completely stay at home moms or wives who choose to not work for their families, but the respect only extends to those who CHOOSE it, it turns to pity for them and disgust for their family members just the moment I get to know that the decision was forceful.

I know this brings us to another statement put up- ‘FIGHT FOR IT’.

What do you think? Women don’t? Of course they do, but somewhere down the line, there are many boundaries, emotional or otherwise which she just can’t cross or is forced again not to cross. If a man says he understands all this, I am sorry I am not going to believe it. I think you do not understand a person’s feelings unless you have been through them.

So there I was trying to justify myself but it was very clear that I was speaking Latin to a person who understood only plain Sanskrit.

Before the discussion changed into a heated argument my cousins took over and there was no further chance to discuss anything else, but my aunt’s curt replies and behaviour made it clear that she didn’t like my presence anymore, so making some excuse to my cousins, I left bidding them good bye.

I could not stand being in the wrong. I could not help being there, feel disgusted. The fact that I was trying to explain my point, talk up to my aunt made her feel that I was in the wrong then how are we supposed to make them understand things that are beyond their understanding?

We think that we can change these people, these circumstances but I don’t think so. We will fail until we have such people (MEN AND WOMEN) in our lives.

I don’t care if she doesn’t like me, now that I have raised my voice, put forward my opinion in front of her; what I care about is I like myself. I know I didn’t change her mind, but had I just taken it all without even trying, putting a little bit of effort, I would have hated myself. I failed but at least I tried. Well, that is what I am trying to say to myself and keep calm.

Marry someone who could be..

Marriage? Just how big a decision it is? Enormous, right? Who to marry? When to marry? Is the person right for you? And many more unanswered questions pop into one’s head when thinking about this earth-shaking resolution.

So me and my friend we were sitting in the food court of a mall, sipping coffee and discussing over this very subject. Well, even we could not conclude to any answer and ended up saying it is contingent to every individual. But he said something very deep, something that kept me smiling the entire day.

“You love reading books so marry someone who can be your book, whose pages are unending, whose words mean always something new to you. The book that imparts wisdom, makes you laugh, makes you cry, tells you the truth but also lies to you to make you smile, whose words make you wonder again and again, who is a puzzle, a mystery you love to solve, a book that has all the answers to your questions. A book that you want to read again and again. A book that may not be a bestseller but would surely be you’re ‘the only classic’. A book which after every read, you close it and stare at the cover smiling and you wish that it would happen all over again. So marry someone who could be your book.”

PS: The idea belongs to my friend’s philosophical mind but I took the liberty to exaggerate it.

So what are your thoughts on it? Do you agree? Would you have it any other way? Would you marry someone like this?