Tag Archives: misery

Death Or Life- What Gives You True Pain?

2018 has not been very compatible to me yet, I guess it doesn’t feel good with me, or it just doesn’t want to make me feel good. Any which ways, I am tortured. 3 months and 3 deaths!! How is that possible? How am I supposed to even live with it? You will say, I have to and I will but it doesn’t at all feel good. None of them were close family members but all of the three people were relatives, one being a friend a distant one, a junior school-mate and yet I do not feel good about it. I feel sad.

Having received death news is never good news, of course it never is but then when you hear about a person’s death that was your age, your friend, you do not know what to do. It cripples your heart.

This friend I am talking about wasn’t my best friend, so I cannot say I am dying inside to hear this, but he was a kind person, a sweet person. I knew his family very well, his sister, his mother, even his dad. All of them are such lovely souls, and yet, I ask, do they really deserve this? Do they deserve the death of a young son, a young and a happy-go-lucky brother? Does that young boy deserve death? I repeat, young, again and again, only to emphasise, the fact that a mere 20 something person died, all of a sudden, leaving behind all his loved ones, shattered and broken.

I feel so depressed, writing about it, even thinking about it, that I cannot even begin to think how and what his family might be going through. I, really cannot say that I understand their pain, no I cannot, and can never until I go through such a loss.

This brings me to a thought, again and again and again. What if something so traumatic happens with me or my family? What if, I have to go through something so disturbing and painful? What will I do? I am losing it completely now, how would I handle anything beyond this?

Death is unpredictable, absolutely uncertain, then how can anyone live with this uncertainty?

And yet, we have to. We have no other alternative. Do we?

They say; time heals everything. But does it? Or does it simply makes you immune, and gives you the patience to live with it?

The selfish human that I am, I am making it all about me, again. I am forgetting, rambling about my agony here, that this, what I am going through now, is simply nothing. It is ‘just’ a fear of losing someone, and the pain of losing a friend, an acquaintance, and in no case it can be compared to what his family might be going through now. I am truly sorry for him and his family. Whatever I write and say here, can in no possible way express what I am feeling right now. I can in no amount of synonyms and adjectives express my feelings. I am so deeply touched that it can be expressed with nothing, with no words.

I cannot even begin to think what his loved ones might be going through now, and honestly I do not have the courage to, too.

William Shakespeare once said, “Death once dead, there’s no more dying then.”

So is it okay, that he is dead? His pain is over, right? But what about the people that he left behind? I ask this here, because, there is a possibility that he committed suicide. I cannot say for sure, we have just heard it. Some said, it was a road accident, and yet others who lived with him have to say that he committed suicide. We don’t know, and we might never know. But does the reason matter?

Does it?

According to Shakespeare, after death, there is no pain, but I guess there is. There definitely is.

I am sorry. I guess I have said enough, only to feel more vulnerable. Today, all I can think about is death, and its consequences. This truly is not making me feel good. (I know I must have repeated this several times, but I honestly don’t feel good.)

To end this post on a cliché dialogue from a full time Bollywood movie (Boss)

Ronit Roy says-“ maut ko to yuhin log badnam karte hai.. asli takleef to zindagi deti hain.”

“People defame death, but true pain and suffering comes from life.” (Okay, I know the English translation might not be that effective.)

And I think, today, I do agree with this dialogue, doesn’t suffering come from life? Once you are dead, you are simply dead. But when you are alive, you are alive, alive with that excruciating pain. And you can do nothing about it.

I am in no position to judge anything here, nor do I want to. But I desperately feel bad for this friend of mine. We may have lost touch, but this news came as a shock.

In a flick, he just passed away, and left behind grief and misery for everyone who knew him.

From the bottom of my heart, I pray that no single person has to go through with the kind of pain that he might have gone through, and that his family must be going through. May all of them find the strength that they truly need in this crucial hour.

And may his kind soul rest in peace.

The fighting cows

There were two cows, fighting over a bag of plastic thrown callously on the ground beside the bin. They were struggling with their mouths to try tearing the bag so as to eat something out of it. The bag wouldn’t slit and the cows wouldn’t let go. I saw this for a full five minutes after which one of them just left, walking away and not even glancing behind. Just then, just that very moment a lady walked towards the dejected cow and provided her with some food, all sorts of vegetables and a few chapattis. The cow gratifyingly swallowed the food while the other one was still rebelling over with the bag of plastic which had nothing but scraps of paper.

It was a Sunday morning; I was sitting in my terrace garden surrounded by the beautiful flowers, shaded by the warm sun in a cold morning, sipping hot coffee when I was awarded with this atrocious match between two cows. Well, you may laugh but it was worth watching in that sunny morning and procuring a moral that we ought to learn so as not to obfuscate our lives. In the struggle of being so adamant and stubborn and trying to control our lives we have forgotten that there are some things that we just can’t control. However much we try there are few things which are beyond our measures and we ought to let them happen as and when they happen, we have to stop trying to get almost everything. That is not the plan, sometimes letting go may find you something better, and something way more than what you were pining for.

Just this one time why not try and let go instead of trying too hard to have it all. May be something way better is waiting instead of something that we have to settle for. Just this one time?

The idea of God

John Donne has got the conception of a wrathful God intent on punishing those who go against His commandments.

But Crashaw is altogether a different breed. He is a radiant spirit who feels perfectly assured of his salvation to God. Crashaw’s God is generally the God of love who cannot bear to see the misery of His creation.

And as always I am still confused. What is the truth? Can He be as gracious as to forgive even our gravest sins or is it vice versa? Can he really punish us for the deeds that are not supposed to be performed in His creations?

If Karma exists then of course we will be punished but then how can God see his own children suffer the retribution?

Is he wrathful or the God of love?