Tag Archives: overthinking

Krishna talked sense into me..

This post is going to be a little different from what I usually write here, but by the end of it you might think I am back to my usual. So if you get there, thank you for bearing with me.

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“Mayi sarvani karmani samnyasyādhyātmacetasā;

Nirāśirnirmamo bhūtvā yudhyasava vigatajvarah.”

 

Renouncing all actions into Me, with the mind centered on the Self, free from hope and egoism (Ownership), free from (mental) fever, (you) do fight.

 

This is taken from the Holy Geeta, chapter 3 Karma Yoga, verse 30.

 

This brilliant passage is spoken by lord Krishna to his worshipper/friend/student Arjuna.

 

A closer study of the import of these two lines will make us understand clearly that, in this stanza, Krishna is hinting at the greater psychological truth of life. Krishna advises Arjuna to act renouncing both Hope and Ego; and this is indeed a primary instruction on how to pour the best that is in us into the ‘present’, blockading all unintelligent and thoughtless dissipation of our inner personality-energies, in the ‘Past’and the ‘Future’.

 

He further says to renounce all action unto the Lord and, getting rid of both Hope and Selfishness, must fight, free from all mental fever. How complete this technique is will be evident now to all students of Geeta.

 

The term ‘fight’is to be understood here ‘as our individual fight with circumstances, in the silent battle of life’. Thus, the advice is not for Arjuna alone, but to them all men who would like to live fully and intelligently.

 

And this makes more sense to me when right in the next stanza He says, without caviling, and with only faith in heart, one must live. For one can neither understand fully, nor come to gain the blessings of the way of life, by deep study and noisy discussions. It can be understood and experienced only by living it.

 

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Time again, I have been told that thinking, will not help much, that trying to understand all the concepts of life is only a vain effort. But despite my agreement with them, I fail to accustom myself to these thoughts. The result of which is a PhD in overthinking and a certain sense of guilt and restlessness, and a tinge of permanent anxiety of un-knowingness. I have been told again and again, that to not think much of past and present, and only to live. But it took me more than a decade, and a number of people telling me so, a 100 different experiences and a second reading of this Holy scripture, to finally let myself understand that I can never understand everything (Just the way I can never travel almost every part of the world, or just the way that I can never ever read all the books in the world!!). It was this time, that when I read it, my brains finally, tried accepting this simple fact, it was this time that I felt, that Krishna was speaking to me, (Hypothetically, don’t worry I haven’t turned all too religious overnight and started hallucinating about Gods in front of me) finally making my dumb ass realize that I am not right, that I need to stop doing certain things to myself which are only hurting me more.

 

Now, that I have come to accept it, I am going to start trying to succumb to it; that is my attempts will be to not think much, about the past and-or the future. I will try and leave my ego and all kinds of hope behind, in an attempt of living a life without selfishness, and one full of faith. This does not mean I renounce my Karma, no, it only signifies how I will go about it; that is without my Ego and Hope but full of faith.

 

 

This is how I perceive these stanzas, and I am pretty sure, I still don’t get the inner meaning of them, or the depth of what He was trying to say. All the same I will keep up with my efforts of not understanding anymore, but only living my life, doing my Karma, because I sure ain’t getting younger!!

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I have used the commentary and the English translation of the verse from the Geeta, written by Swami Chinmayananda.

One Blank Day!

I have been staring at the infinite space since morning today.

I had a paper to turn in.

For which I cancelled my work and all my other plans.

The outcome of freeing my space was, freeing and or emptying of my mind too!

And all I have at the end of day is, one blank page.

Wondering what I did all day?

 

Drank coffee.

Read.

Wondered.

Wandered.

Over-thought.

Read some pages again. (Fiction though.)

Ate junk food.

Wondered and wandered some more.

Wrote a few words, or to say few lines.

Didn’t like it.

Erased it.

Watched TV.

Didn’t like anything.

Watched stand up comedies on the Internet.

Wrote some more, paragraphs and pages this time.

Hated it even more.

Trashed it directly, this time.

 

Drank coffee.

Munched on a bar of chocolate.

Thought and over thought.

Made weird faces.

Clicked pictures in those weird faces.

Thought of writing it all over again.

Wrote- erased- ate- drank (drinks changed since the evening.)

Hated myself and turned off my computer.

Went back to my novel reading in the night.

 

Tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow.

I think it will creep with its own petty pace..

But nothing happens even tomorrow.

I give up finally, and write whatever comes to me, and submit a paper, which I am really unhappy with! So much for trying to become a writer?

Forgetting To Live.

When I was young, like a very small kid, I wanted to grow old, not like my grandma or grandpa old, but old like my elder brother. So that I could have the chances which he had, so that I could do what he could do.

Then when I thought I was like my brother, how old he used to be, then I wanted to grow older than him, so that I could live how he lived, without anyone bossing over me.

When I was really old, like you know the recent adult? I wanted to become someone who was stable, with a proper job, and all that, you know.

Then, I was old, like you know who had a job, and a little money, and something, and then I wanted to have a family of my own. I wanted to be the one whom I saw on the street the other day, the one with a husband, and two cute little children.

When I was the one with the cute little children, I wanted to be the one that I saw from across my house, you know the old lady cribbing at her old man, for not doing something, for not understanding her, and yet how you could tell that they had grown old together.

Then when I was that old lady, I wanted yet something else. I wanted to be the free individual who lived next door, so that I could travel like him.

And then I wanted something else too…..

 

My point being, all our lives we keep wanting things. We want, and we want. We are never satisfied, ad we never will be. May be, we want something and we get it, and then we don’t want it anymore. May be we do get it and now we want something else. We keep pining for things we don’t have, never relishing what we actually have. We keep trying to push ourselves to get more, not realizing that in the process we are losing what we have.

We keep wanting to live in a way, never realizing that we are forgetting to actually live in the life that we are supposed to be living.

 

Words!

Words are important.

What I wrote above are just three words, but if I sit and think about it, it is as significant as words for me.

A person really needs to think what he is saying before he speaks those words out, before it is too late. You cannot take back those words.

Words are a person’s thoughts, his mind, you can really make a person feel loved by them or you can break a person too.

Words are simply significant.

For me words are my feelings, my heart, my soul, my truth. Whatever language they may be in, it doesn’t matter, words are words, and they are me.

I speak very less in person, I like to listen more. (Because most of the time the other person does not like to listen.). But there is a reason I speak less. I think I have no right judging and forcing my views on others. This does not mean I keep things to myself, I let my feelings out too, but in a more measured and careful way. I can’t just bring myself to destroy the other’s belief, right or wrong. May be I overthink this too, as I overthink everything else, but when someone tells me something, I believe it, when someone is rude with his words, I tend to get hurt, or I think I get over-hurt; when someone says something nice to me, I get over-joyed, all because I love the words they have said. I give so much importance to those words, when in actuality they could do with a little less paparazzi. (Only to avoid getting overjoyed and over-destroyed)

But what can I say, I may be an emotional fool to say that words touch me where people fail to.

Words are significant to me.

They touch my soul.

 

Realisation!

I have come to realise that life is after all simple; it is us who keep complicating it again and again.

As for me, my worst bane is overthinking!!

If only I’d stop analysing so much I could really lead a simpler, or at least a more disentangled life.

Rest-less Mind

After a long an tiring day, I go to bed with thoughts as usual in my mind. I don’t know about you but it happens with me almost every day, in bed there are various thoughts as my company. They may vary from fantasies, dreams, events, to any kind of conversation that may or may not have even happened.

So yesterday, I went to sleep with such unpredictable thoughts, and to my alarm I woke up with the same thoughts too.

Half in sleep, half awake, I wondered if I was still dreaming, but I was awake now and was flummoxed with my mind racing. How was it even possible to have come to life with the same thoughts from the last night?

Was my mind never at rest?

 

Know the blogger #5

  1. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die?

Become an author and to find one man, who isn’t like the ones that I have seen.

I’d be happy with that. Even if I just find him!

 

  1. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?

Stop wanting to grow up, it ain’t any good here.

 

  1. What’s the best thing you got from your parents?

The freedom to rise up, to voice up, to stand up for yourself.

They have given me the right that no one even in my distant family has.

 

  1. What’s the best thing about you?

You could tell me that. I’d be waiting for the answer on your comments below 😉

 

  1. What blows your mind?

You mean like really good way? When I see those dancers on television, they twist and turn so easily, like how the hell do you train your body like that?

 

You mean like angry way? When women in India have to think will she be “allowed” to do something?

 

  1. Have you ever saved someone’s life?

No.

But I did save someone from getting married too early, if that counts. She was a friend of mine and we both went together for our post-graduation.  Her dad wanted her to get married and wouldn’t let her study further. When I came in the scene, he did give it a thought and agree to “let her” go out of the town. She was happy after that, at least what I saw of it.

 

 

  1. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at?

If I am good at it, I am not going to be embarrassed about it.

 

  1. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?

A strong, beautiful adamant woman staring at her. Determined to conquer everything she wants.

I did a post sometimes back relating to it. (Challenge accepted.)

 

  1. What are 3 interesting facts about you?

I am not that interesting. But one thing is for sure, if that’s even interesting, if you meet me and talk to me once, you’d never understand me. You’d only think I am some confused, lost woman.

 

  1. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?

I could go on this for so long, let’s just say I try going past it.

 

  1. What’s the title of the current chapter in your life?

Harassed

 

  1. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life?

When I was 17.

 

  1. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve learned?

No one stands with you when you are in some problem. Your problems, you solve it.

 

  1. What do people think is weird about you?

Even my closes friends say, “I can’t understand her.”

 

  1. What mistake do you keep making?

Trusting people.

 

  1. What have you created that you’re most proud of?

I have a portrait of Lord Krishna and Radha in my room that I painted when I was in school, every one that visits my rooms seems to be thrilled by it. I don’t know if I am proud of it, it is just a paining after all but I like it too much.

 

  1. What do you doubt?

Don’t even let me start here, the list can go on. But as of now, I doubt myself sometimes.

 

  1. What are some of your morals?

I hate lying, but I do it just to keep someone smiling. I know I can be upfront and just blabber everything out but the drenched look on someone else’s face after that shatters me. So I do lie.

Not so much morally, right?

 

  1. What do you want to be remembered for?

Duh! For something, anything that I ever wrote. I’d be really happy if that ever happens.

 

  1. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?

I don’t regret my childhood one bit!

 

  1. What is your favorite fragrance?

Jasminum sambac (Arabian jasmine)

Mogra flowers in Hindi.

It is a species of Jasmine.

 

 

  1. What do you think your last words will be?

I want it to be “OM”

 

  1. Who or what do you take for granted?

My mother.

 

  1. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?

I’d ask to have my roommate for that. She never pointed out anything.

But I guess, she’d say I used to go off to sleep when she used to blabber on late in the night, even when I’d tell her that I am tired.

Well, we used to laugh on it the next day and she would tell me her entire day’s story again in the morning over breakfast.

I do miss her a lot.

 

  1. What is something you’re insecure about?

My writing.

 

  1. What’s the best & worst piece of advice you’ve received?

My mother- “Do not care about people, they will judge you, they will point at you. So just ignore them.”

 

Someone I ignore- “You are a girl, what are you going to do with so much of education?”

It made me so furious that I just stopped talking to the person despite everything. And you know what, that person is not even some old guy from other generation. He was someone my age!

 

  1. What irrational fears do you have?

That I am going to end up marrying someone and regret it for the rest of my life. I have had dreams relating it and have woken up all sweaty, only to realise I am still single. (This is the only secret that I have never told anyone in my life) so ssshhhhhhh

  1. What makes a good life?

A happy life is a myth. We all will go through a lot in the course of our lives, I’d consider it a good life if I achieve some of my goals by then and if I make a satisfactory example for someone else too.

 

  1. What’s the last adventure you went on?

Really long, long ago. Just caught up in work these days.

But I did go on a trip which sure was fun.

 

  1. What is the most memorable gift you’ve received?

I don’t receive gifts often, I buy stuff for myself when and whatever I want. Why wait for anyone else to gift you something on some occasion. Honestly I don’t even wait for any occasion.

But on my last birthday my dad made me speechless by gifting me a pair of diamond earrings, the type of which I was searching for so long among the imitation category.

I will cherish them for my entire life.

And not to forget the recent flowing sets of books that I received last week for my birthday 😀

 

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I hope you enjoyed reading my answers.

Do let me know what you think about them.

If anyone would like to answer these questions too, please let me know. I will forward you the questions in your mail and would love to know how you would answer them.

The set made me thinking; may be you too would have a great time answering them.