Tag Archives: poetry month

Suppressed Vehemence.

You said it was love,

And I believed in you and called it love-

I fused in you

And lost all I had.

 

I loved you with all I had

And you deceived me with all you could

All I claimed was, you to love me too

And all you did was betrayed me with all my feelings too.

 

But what could I have expected,

I wanted sunshine and rains and winters

I wanted all-

But unknowingly I entered a silent brawl.

 

I wronged myself, in believing in you

For I think I demanded sunshine off the morning dew,

It’s not your fault, as rains only provide thunder

And a snowfall in scorching summers would only be a wonder.

 

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The Mystical Pishogue #2

I am fierce

I am wild

I am an emblem of self-implied exile.

 

I am aggressive

I am saucy

I am an insignia of selfishly haughty.

 

I am bold

I am vain

I am an image of disdain.

 

I am dominant

I am arrogant

I am yet, a metaphor of a self-loathing Samaritan.

 

I am malicious

I am viciously uncompassionate

I am of all these, a conglomerate.

 

I am I

I am what I am

A phony fable in a flesh.

 

I am I

I am what I am

A conceited allegory in oneself.

 

Her another shade of mystery here: The Mystical Pishogue.

Reverie.

In living an existence of insanity

A being of absolutely solidarity,

She found solace among inanimate objects

Amidst her life which was completely wrecked.

 

She fell in love with words.

When everyone thought her to be absurd,

She made books her escape mechanism

While her heart screamed abstract expressionism.

 

She fell in love with fantasy

Loathing her reality,

Making her miseries unconscious

She made books her life’s colossus.

 

 

His torturous existence.

I am a woman

And by default I have a best friend.

I met ‘him’ at a tender age,

When I was 14

And for everyone I knew

I was already late.

When the first time I called my friend ‘him’

I was frowned upon.

“It is she, my dear! It is only your chance.”

But I didn’t want that chance, you know.

Who would want a friend

Who comes unannounced

At all the wrong times

When you plan to go for a swim

Or have a dance show

Or better yet

When you already have 10 different aches,

Who would want a friend that will just add another set of pains?

But there I was, at 14

And just because I ticked the box ‘Female’

I had a best friend,

Who would be with me till times inane.

And so I complied,

Now, if I have to have him inside my body every month

Why not make the best of it?

So, every month I would cry

When he would enter me

And I’d simply shy

Wouldn’t know how to walk-

Did he make everyone this uncomfortable?

Or was I the only one who would feel as a

Combustible?

So I would sit and complain,

I can’t go out

I am not well

And I just want to sit and read and eat and sleep and rest-

My excuses were never enough,

For I was a woman

And people were after equality

So it didn’t matter

And so I had to plaster a smile

Even when my cramps would let in no air.

As time went by,

My best friend became consistent,

Ever month, after almost 35 days

He’d visit me

And make me want to become a man.

“Why did he not have any pain?” I’d wonder.

But then if ‘he’ was the one giving me so much pain

How could he himself accustom to such cruel gain.

I call him

And every man, and woman would cringe-

But come on, it has to be a ‘him’

Who else would think of harassing a woman

The likes of this-

If it weren’t for a ‘him’?

It can only be a him

Who gives me such a headache,

Who makes me a throbbing backache?

Who makes my walking difficult,

With his unwanted intrusion,

Who makes my stomach bloat

Who takes away from my own body, my very own blood,

Who makes me consistently wet

And pains me with his very existence!

Of course it has to be a ‘him’-

Its name itself involves ‘Men-‘

Of course it has to be a him-

Ladies, at least must agree,

But then we live in a conventional society

Where talking about being wet is grimaced upon,

Let alone the talk of staining your pants,

Shhhhhhhh—-

You are making it very clear, woman

Stop talking!

We are at the point where we fight for equality

And you saying these things

Isn’t helping

You are a woman

And you just have to live with your best friend.

And so I tell myself

I am a woman,

As if I didn’t know so far

And since I am a woman

I will just have to live with it.

As if I could literally do anything about it!

And so I make sure that I carry ‘things’ with myself

Everywhere,

Carefully hiding it from the men’s stare.

God forbid they know

What we go through.

Let alone ‘him’ being the only reason we go through.

Then comes the choice of colors of my dresses

Where I will make sure to avoid

The white and lights

When I will somehow know

That ‘he’ is going to visit me.

And then suddenly I will have to cancel all the fun plans

Only because I am not up for it,

And my mood is so unreliable

That I will hate even myself

But I still go and work just as such

For I am a woman,

And that is just a part of me.

That ‘him’ is just a part of me.

And just suddenly, because I am the one inviting problems,

I will have the unknowing urge to visit a temple,

Why?

I am not even that religious

But just because I am not “allowed”

I want to go in-

And I will somehow land up at my relatives place

Where again I am not ‘allowed’ to

Sit on the sofa

On the bed

Or eat just as naturally.

For I am dirty on those days

And I just don’t love it.

But then again I am a woman,

And that is how I am ‘suppose’ to be.

My friend will come and visit

That is by default-

In my system-

And I will have to just live with it.

I don’t have a choice.

‘He’ is just a part of me.

And just like all other men

He is just another sour ache on my body,

My mind

Straining my life with his very existence.

 

Cacoethes.

Todays evening sun

Reminds me of him…

A ‘Him’- lonely, vibrant and distant.

When I bask myself in its glory

To brighten my inner joys,

To enliven my hurting hunger.

I draw him to me, in

The dusk of my glooming room

And sit atop

Mouth on mouth,

Body on body,

Craving, thirsting-

The mundane murmers soaring, sigh

The rumblings

The thrusting

The grieving agony-

The passion, the breathing

Slowly moving.

And then the night steals him,

The romantic notions of sun,

The patronising night, and his stealth.

And all I am left with,

Is a gentle throbbing,

A longing lust,

And my eyes dreaming.

Ps: Please don’t give up on me. I’ll catch up with you guys very soon.

Delusional Happiness.

A car accident-

A bump on the head, inside,

“Thankfully, she is all right” The doctor sighed,

But from inside the room she cried_

Crying and cursing her fate,

The only time she sheds tears when she lost some weight.

Treacherous Love.

He promised me he’d forever be mine

Giving me no reason to think, to my face he’d lie,

He sealed his promise with a chaste kiss

Deceiving me into believing for an eternal bliss.

 

He didn’t leave me of his own accord

Only- death did us sorrowfully apart,

But in him, I lost my partner in crime

And with him, I lost my reason to smile.

 

Now, when old age has befriended me

With ‘lack’ of all kinds seeping in,

Teeth, taste, ability to walk; hear

Wanting, patiently for my heart to tear.

 

Time and loneliness has started eating me alive

With my body withered, no one cares for my hidden vice,

And despite the lineage of children and grandchildren

No one deciphers the secluded nausea, building in.