Tag Archives: questions

“Who am I?”

Preparing an essay on feminism I came across something which made me thinking, well, a lot of thinking happened after this. Nothing new, right? That is usually me, who keeps thinking on anything and everything.

So this is what I read today, a simple description on how women are depressed and what Friedan writes-

“I’ve tried everything women are supposed to do- hobbies, gardening, pickling, canning, being very social with my neighbours, — I can do it all, and I like it, but it doesn’t leave you anything to think about- any feeling of who you are. I never had any career ambitions. All I wanted was to get married and have four children. I love the kids and Bob and my home. There’s no problem you can even put a name to. But I am desperate. I begin to feel I have no personality. I am a server of food and a putter-on of pants and a bedmaker; somebody who can be called on when you want something. But who am I?”

I read a lot of things today, a lot which struck my mind and touched me but this dug something deep in my sub conscious mind.

That feeling, where you are absolutely helpless, when you don’t know what to do; when you question your own identity; that is absolutely depressing. And I do not have the courage to live with it. The point is I don’t ever want to have that kind of courage.

What would be the point of my life if I have to question my own identity?

You would say, why abruptly I am thinking so much, and why the question of identity? Nothing is wrong with my life, but this moved deep chords inside me.

I have never been too ambitious, no I won’t say I had no ambitions, I don’t even want too much from my life. No, I don’t want to get married and have four children, maybe I don’t even want to get married at all. May be I don’t even know what exactly do I want. But I just don’t want this feeling- the feeling of being desperate, the feeling that you can’t even name your problem, I don’t want to be that person who loses her personality, who just becomes a person who can be called on.

I cannot begin to think what it would be like to live where you don’t have anything to think about. Can you imagine, me, having nothing to think about?

I have always said, I have unending questions, that I am seeking answers, that I am searching for myself. This I can live with, a quest that might not end, where I am still searching for myself. But I might not be able to live with the question, “Who am I?” It is not even about living with that question. I don’t ‘want’ to ever live with that question.

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A Supplementary Question Paper!

When life is already disarraying, my fate really plays good with me, it adds on to the miseries and dilemma. As if, I already wasn’t dealing with enough questions, I have a supplementary sheet to answer, which accordingly is not optional!!

I wouldn’t say the questions are really difficult, they are simple questions, pertaining to the syllabus; life!! And yet here I am struggling to merely swim above the level, simply trying to breathe.

I wouldn’t say these are really miseries, and if I were to mention them as agonies, they are the sweet ones. The only trouble is I don’t know how to deal with them. The lack of experience, knowledge, you could say anything pertaining to the curriculum, which leads me to jitter at the possible thought of simply sitting with the question paper.

So, what do I do?

My heart has a very simple answer!

But the practical me always wins!! It has reasons and explanation, a supplementary brief study for almost every Multiple Choice Questions too! It has a basic tendency to analyse and criticise, take future and past into hand.

Again, I ask, what do I do?

I am pretty sure, this is going to sound more of a rambling post, rather than a scream for help.

So, I really don’t know what to do. As I already mentioned, the questions aren’t demanding, only, the answers are a little more convoluted.

Anger Issues

There is a single question in my mind

To which my soul resides.

The question may have been artless

The answer to which for me is tactless.

 

Can anyone please tell me the truth?

How to deal with such anger disputes?

 

Happy Diwali?

Well, most of you know that we celebrate Diwali for the arrival of Lord Ram, Laxman and Sita from a 14 year long exile back to Ayodhya. I have been celebrating Diwali for all these years merrily, lighting diyas, burning crackers despite all the environmental hazards. But this year something is bothering me. I am sorry if I do not put this clearly as I am myself unclear about what and how I am going to say this.

So my question is we celebrate the come back of the Lords to their palace but has anyone ever thought that just after their return Lord Ram disowns his wife on a pretext of a common man who thinks Sita was not pure enough to be a Queen. Has it never occurred to anyone that it is more of a celebration of an denigration of a woman. I mean how can anyone define purity of a woman? How could a man disown his wife? How could he do it when she was pregnant with his children? How were the rules and powers of a king suddenly more important than the promises to a wife? So suddenly all the love vanishes and the authority of being a king comes in power?

I am sorry to have bothered you with these questions and also if I have spoiled your Diwali with such questions but I had to speak this out, somewhere!

Despite all of these I do not intend to damage the fun so here’s to everyone who is reading this – A very happy Diwali and a prosperous year ahead. May the coming years do not have such actions which make people question them. May the future do not put down the integrity of any human being male or female. May all our lives be as bright as it could be.

PS: Even if I am a bit clear to anyone I’d be glad.

PPS: This post would mean something to you only if You believe in God and if you don’t; Well, a happy diwali to you too. 🙂