Sitting on chairs in proper alignment
It seems a long ago, when we students were huddled about,
Celebrating India’s independence was the days’ requirement
Making our English teacher proud.
Constantly, we had chided and pleased
To do something else as a substitute to teach,
We did it often, played adventures
Making memories after memories to one-day treasure.
She decided she’d ask a question to the vibrant youth
To which we would answer with sheer truth.
With defined wisdom she asked
“How will you want to see your country at long last?”
The question she asked was very simple
But it created in my mind a momentary ripple.
I raced with my newest friend, over thinking
Sitting there paralyzed, unblinking.
Speaking up in front of people was never my thing
And so I sat there; to time clinging, worshipping,
But we were only thirty students
And I persistently fought against my prudence.
Smiling, nodding I heard what my friends had to say
Pondering, how meaningful answers they had their way,
From eradication of poverty to building roads
To making luxury cheaper- their thoughts flowed.
And in less than forty minutes I was called on stage
When all I wanted to do was hide in a cage,
What is my favorite teacher going to think about my dumb thoughts
But still I erased blank, and joined the dots.
With face turned hot, ears red
I held the mike, but my lips dead.
I gathered myself, blinked and blurted
What my teacher thought- was the secret of my being introverted.
“If I live to be an old maiden
I want myself in the world (not country) to reawaken,
I want kindness; I want honesty and no chaos
I want peace; I want beauty and no havoc.
I fumbled; I fidgeted and put the mike down
Ashamed, I got down feeling like a clown,
I went to my seat, hiding my face
Wanting the few minutes to retrace.
Up until then I hadn’t herd
The deadening applause,
And so I sulked deeper amidst the nerds
For such words, I thought definitely had no cause.
Years from that day, I stand by those words
But if only I could change my verse,
Or better still I could have at least tried
To say everything for which my heart cried.
That day is gone
But I have a little strength now,
I have a little word play drawn
Perhaps, you’d tap with the button ‘Allow’.
If I live to be an old maiden
I want myself in the world (not country) to reawaken,
I’d love to see so many blessed things happen
That life itself would feel like a welcoming wagon.
If only I could find things a little different
My little sister would have taken birth for starters,
Or I wouldn’t have to be constantly belligerent
Being an orthodox Indian daughter.
I wouldn’t have to go to an all-girls school
Fearing boys and all the various rules.
Comparing myself to those who didn’t even go to school
I should have felt my life a little less cruel.
I’d want my grandmother to give me a kiss
For I never knew that bliss,
Or for my uncle to not give me that stare
For it was mortifying, I swear.
I’d want for no one to give me an eye
When I say I don’t want to learn cooking,
I’ll have different means to fly
Than just making all kinds of pudding.
I’d want a life where my mom does not persistently say
When you get married please take care of your husband,
Darling, you are not suppose to go astray
For your in-laws will have us trusted.
I’d want a life when I wouldn’t have to think some things
Like what can I study, so they never cut my wings,
Or how will I mange so many responsibilities
Work-husband-in-laws-kids-kitchen- a trillion little things.
I’d want a life where everything will not be ‘my’ duty
And I won’t have to be an absolute bouzouki,
Yes I’ll want peace and love and no havoc
I’ll want kindness, honesty and no mental chaos.
I’ll want a life where I consistently don’t have to remember
That I am a woman and somehow, somewhere I have to surrender,
I’ll want a life where I don’t want to stand in front of the mirror
And see incessantly how from him I differ.
Today, I have a little strength, a little clarity
So, please allow me to speak my dwarfish insanity,
If I live to be an old maiden
This is how I’ll want to end my cadence.
*
PS: Do tell me if I have started saying the same things again and again, and if my words have started being mundane!
