Tag Archives: sad

Breaking Apart!

Somehow, I do not agree with people who keep saying that you are strong, that you can do it, you must not break down, even when you see the person in a state where he sees nothing but darkness. Forgive me, but I just cannot bring myself to say that you have no right in breaking down.

I feel, that we all have the right to break apart sometimes, fall to the lowest of your levels, shatter into as many pieces as you want, for only when you are at your lowest, do you realise that there is nowhere else to go but, somewhere above it.

Breaking apart could be wrong, only and only when it becomes a habit. So,

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Confusional Emotions!!

How do emotions work?

Yeah, you heard me right, yes, I am asking about the workings of emotion. As simple as  it might sound to you, I am at a loss when it comes to it’s answer. How exactly do they work?

For most of the ‘normal people’ it works as laughter with happiness and a dam full of tears with sadness, rage with anger and confusion with bewilderment. And yet I fail to adapt to this very simple fact and working of a heart. This makes me wonder, do I even have a heart like any other normal person? Well, of course I have one, but surely it is ill-positioned and ill functioning. It is definitely not where it should have been.

Why this sudden burst of thoughts? I have no idea. Most of the times I don’t know how to deal with them and as any other person I live in denial, till they subside a little and finally I can deal with them.

I don’t know why and how this happens with me, but sometimes when I should be really confused about a serious decision, I know the answer instead. It is absolutely straight to me as to what should I do, and I have my judgments clear. (So far so good, never been in trouble; fingers crossed)

Then when I should be really angry at someone, I let it go. I don’t even give it much of a thought. I am told by people again and again, that it is a wrong decision, but I let it go. Morals win over, I guess. I don’t know, I just don’t even feel angry then or what. But then suddenly the very same person does something which is really insignificant this time, but I think my patience has been tried enough, and I burst…. I burst till I have nothing left inside and I simply let out my anger over that inconsequential matter. Where do my morals go then? (I ask this because I can be really mean when I am angry; when I am angry and I lose it. I will admit that I get angry easily, but I don’t lose it so soon, I guess those are two different things.)

When I should be really upset or sad about anything, people are tensed to their nerves beside me, and I have to forcefully stifle a laugh. I mean why, how?? Why will I want to laugh at a crucial time? (Get my dilemma?)

Yes, this next thing is going to be hilarious. When I should be smiling and laughing and be really happy, I have to supress my sobs. And I roll my eyes and ask myself “really?”

This happened just yesterday, when I was reading (Yes simply reading, not even a real life situation) and I had to conquer over few stray tears. What I was reading was something too sweet, too beautiful, too happy (too good to be true) and yet there I was gripping my fist, scratching my toes, trying to stop myself from crying.

So back to my question, how do emotions work? Or should I ask why I am so weird? (Rolling my eyes constantly at the second question)

The Fictional Creation

They say be practical, but what if even that does not help you in life. One cannot expect someone to live with despair all life long, so instead is something impractical, something fictional helps you deal with the situations in a better way, then why not? Is some kind of fantasy makes you smile, some imaginary world hides you away from the harsh reality then why not?

Why not just then dissolve into a fictional creation, get simply lost into an imaginary world, talk to the fictional characters of the book and be happy instead of being the practical one, trying to deal with ‘life’ which mostly has been never dealt with, which ordinarily can under no circumstances be dealt with.

Yet another Unrequited Love!

I thought I loved you enough for the sake of two but as it proves I might have been wrong then. It never worked out and it might have been for good, you seem happy now and that is all I ever wanted. And yet somewhere deep down there was always a part of me throughout that pined for some way, some microscopic possibility that I could get the love, the feeling that I wanted, wanted from you.

You seem to be blissful but never did it occur to you that somewhere someone might have been hurt and you never knew that you were the reason. It did hurt when you wouldn’t talk to me, when you would ignore me and yet all I thought about was how to make you smile. It hurt when despite this I could just not let you out of my thoughts.

I had faith in you then, I have faith in you now.

I have cried and have laughed, had tears of happiness and of torment and yet the only thing that brings me here is that someday someone will come and make me realise that why it never worked with you. Why it was always hollow and partial and then I would know what I had been missing on.

PS: What is a love story without a heart break, right? 😉

Pic: As always googled!