Tag Archives: society

Depression Is A Drug!

This is no revelation now that we live in a hypocritical society. We have come very far now to even question this fact. So when it comes to the topic of depression we are no different. And when I say we, I mean every one of us. There is no exception!

We give so much importance to this word, and try and spread so much awareness about it that we only talk about it. We talk and talk but what exactly do we do about it? We know that someone is depressed, that someone wants to talk about it, but what we do is, we simply smile at him or her and ask him or her to hold up. We give them our own selfish philosophy that in this world every one has come alone, and has to deal with his problems alone, no one is going to come rescue you. If it is a woman, she is told that there is no knight who will come to rescue her, and if it is a man, he is told to man up. We shower upon them all our human tendencies and tell them how our world is run. We ask them to forget about it all, and just move one. Talking about it is a no-no because talking reminds you of your problems, crying over it is an absolute no too, because that will make you more miserable. A person who says is depressed, is also told to just lighten up the mood, why take everything so seriously, “these days people call any low phase in their life as depression; it’s taken too much for granted.”

But honestly, one doesn’t understand until one wears those shoes. And once you say these words to someone, that someone is sure to show you his true colors. If by any chance the person is genuine and knows how painful all of it is, then you get lucky and a pair of ears who will listen to you, but if the person belongs to the typical swarm then what you get is a long lecture to your drumming ears to be a little more brave, to hold up, and to stop fussing over your own problems, because there are other people in the world who have bigger issues than yours.

I guess these people don’t just get what exactly depression is. It is not something, which someone is proud to go through. It is not something that people like to have lived. Depression is not a choice!! And no one in my opinion will ever want to have any loved one go through it, let alone go through himself.

Depression is not a choice!!

No one wants it.

Depression is a state of mind so dark, so murky, that it wraps itself around you so strongly that you will need every ounce of your and your loved one’s energy to bring you back to sanity. It is a state of utter senselessness where you know what’s happening, where you hate what’s happening, you want to do so much to change things and yet all you can do is shut yourself in. All you can do is to grip your hair from the roots and scream into nothingness.

And yet, I feel that it is a drug. Sure, a druggist when drugged, might feel like he is flying in the air, but deep down he is doing it only to numb his pain, either pain from life, or the pain of his addiction. In the same way a depressed person wants only one thing, to numb his pain. He is never in the seventh sky, but he is constantly at the same place, away from the earth, his own world, and knows not his belongings. Depression is almost an addiction, because try as much as you want, you don’t get out of it easily. You know it’s not doing you any good, but you become so comfortable with that state of life, that it becomes a toxic addiction. I am not saying that the person does not want to come out of the state, no, far from it; the person is dying to come out of that helplessness. But the problem lies in the fact that that depression is not only inside his mind, but outside too. People make it difficult for him to do so. At first he is scared of opening up and being judged, then if he finally musters the energy to discuss his problems, then he is in reality being judged, and given solutions, which he already knew. “Talk to people” is what is said so easily, but when someone does it, you take it so lightly that you break the person’s trust permanently; you break his beliefs from the roots.

I am not saying that it is the fault of other people that someone is depressed, all I am saying is it is sometimes far more comfortable to not talk and instead be in that comfort zone of depression.

It is a drug to which one takes again and again, despite all restrictions. Elizabeth Gilbert speaks in Eat Pray love of how her Guru talks about breaking down becoming a habit. The more you tend to break down; the more it becomes a habit. Every time one feels that something is wrong, breaking down and shattering won’t help. So you gather your own remains and rise from the ashes just like a phoenix. But all of it sounds irrelevant when going through bouts of depression. Sometimes you want to come out of these chains, but don’t have the energy to, and the other times, you simply don’t want to come out for fears unsaid.

What troubles me most is people tend to take depression so flippantly, sometimes the person going through it too. It is not a state where someone stays drunk all the time, and lies about simply doing nothing. It is not only when someone has thoughts of killing himself. Sure, these are signs too, of extreme depressions, but there are people who go about their lives just as usual but deep down there are signs of the said drug. These people start cocooning in their shells, distancing themselves from people. It is not that they don’t smile; it’s just that their smiles are painful too. I won’t say that depressed people stop going to offices, and louse around all day long, they go to their office all the same, but they just lose the vigor to work. They are simply dragging themselves around life, devoid of certain feelings within them.

Again, I think people tend to think that depression is caused only due to certain trauma. Our perception of the word is so wrong; that we think a person is allowed to be depressed only when he is going through something volcanic in his life. We tend to not even take it into consideration that little things have been piling up in his already over burdened heart, and all of it is going to burst soon. He might just not want to live with it anymore, but he is denied of this title being given to him, for the lack of a tragedy. Tragedy or not, a person can be depressed; period!

There are so many different phases of depression that we have taken only the darkest side into consideration, all thanks to cliché movies, and our societal belief that you simply cannot be depressed, because being depressed is a sign of being lunatic, and you simply can’t let that happen. What will the people say?? SIGH!!

A person suffering may not be crying 24*7 all year long; that is not depression!! It is not when one is crying his eyes out, with blood red eyes, a drunk head, a ruined liver, lungs full of smoke, a crying heart, and a murky mind. Yes, this could be it. But this is not it!! It is not that the one who is depressed does not smile. He does. He does feel happy sometimes, he does feel that everything will be all right soon, a pinch of positivity does rise from the ashes sometimes, but it evaporates too soon to be carrying him above it. That negativity envelops him too severely, too stringently.

But all of this does not mean that there is no solution, there certainly is. But the first step towards it, is accepting the fact that you are depressed. You cannot live in denial. I am not saying that you can’t avoid your problems for a while, well according to me that helps, because living with certain things constantly may not help, so avoiding it for a while is okay. But accept it, accept that you have a problem, and avoid it. Say, you admit that you are depressed, but then you avoid the said depression. Sounds, okay? Fine, I agree, easier said that done.

But now that you have accepted it, you know what the problem is. Believe me, people aren’t going to help, unless you have an understanding family, and a set of very close and loving friends. If so, then it becomes so much easier for you. Talk to them, not once, again and again, with all kinds of words and emotions, with all kinds of slangs and love. Talk!! Talk till you wear their ears out and then just leave it behind. Divert your mind, do things you haven’t done. Learning new things might keep you more occupied, since you have no prior knowledge of it. Do things you love, and then slowly think of real problems, and how you want to go about it. Take your time!! You might take from days to years, but it is your problem and you deal with it at your pace.

But if you are in a fix, and you don’t think that people are going to understand, then write it down. Write all different thoughts jumbled up, write till your ink wears down, and then deal with it yourself. But never in a fit of desperation go to someone who you think will not understand a word of it. This will simply disarray your mind up, and will send you to such extreme levels of low, which was yet unknown. You cannot feel dejected, useless, and broken at this point. You might start thinking that you were there for someone, and in return you got plain misery from him, but this is not the time, to cry over someone else. He abandoned you in times of need, and now you don’t need to go back to him. That’s truth, and you don’t even have to accept it now, you simply have to try and deal with yourself one step at a time.

Accept- write-divert-learn-deal-take your time.

I am no depression or counseling guru, but this topic has bothered me so much, our callousness sometimes gets into my nerves, and I cannot help but think how casually we take these important issues. We can share suicide prevention causes and messages, for all we want, but it makes no differences until we actually do something about it. On the one hand we say that suicide is a crime, you should not even think about it, and on the other hand we are simply mean and so selfish that we don’t even care to think of others. And it’s not only in the society, but online too. People, sometimes act so, so inconsiderately and are so nasty and unkind that I fail to understand the hypocrisy of the society that we live in. I fail to bring out the words that I have in my mind for such people. No one wants to end his life willingly, unless he thinks that he cannot deal with his problems anymore, alone. No one wants that!! One goes to such extremes only when he thinks that he can take no more. But we keep giving them some more.

There is a lot here which I might have missed out, or which I might have portrayed wrong, and I apologize for that. I have no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings. But at the same time, I take the liberty to say that instead of becoming the cool and classy people that society so much accepts, why not show some love and humanity in general. Sometimes I sincerely wish if honesty and kindness was in trend, I think our world would be lot more better then.

 

 

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“They”

 

They say

I didn’t fight enough

They don’t know

How my body aches

How my body has

Lost the feeling to

Feel the pain.

 

They say

I didn’t raise my voice enough

They don’t know

How my throat itches

How my voice has

Completely lost the feeling to

Feel the voice.

 

They say

I did not repulse

I did not revolt

They say the fault

Is mine.

 

I can’t blame anyone

They say

That I was wrong

And they were right

They were strong

And I was weak.

 

They say

My demeanor should be composed

My anger should be subsumed

They say

It is not a big thing

It is just a passing fling.

 

They say

I am the devil

I am my own fall

They say

I am the ill

I am the cause.

 

They say

I didn’t fight enough

They say

I didn’t raise my voice enough

They don’t know

My lungs gave way

Screaming into void

They don’t know

That my armor

Rests in peace

Fighting for my life.

Yet they say

I didn’t revolt

Yet they say

I was wrong and they

Were strong

They don’t know

That my blood

Distanced itself from my heart

They don’t know

That my soul embittered

On my body.

 

These “they”

Who are they?

Who are they

To make me the evil

Who are they

To judge me

For being the devil?

 

They don’t know me

Let alone my soul

They can’t judge me

Unless they can tell me

That they have fought

More than me

That they have

Screamed

Longer than me.

 

They don’t know me

They don’t know my battle

And yet,

“They” say….

 

*

I still refrain to even believe in my rarest imaginations that I am anywhere near being a poet, despite all your comments on my previous posts. So, again I call this a vain attempt to try and write in as limited words as possible, and to express as far and as truthfully I can.

Today’s Realisation!!

We have come to live in such a society, among such people that you don’t expect people to really care these days. And when someone shows or even tries to show that he or she cares, it is so surprising that we need a moment to sit back and think about what just happened.

I have come to believe and assume that people in general really are selfish and mean, and also so very self obsessed, but once in a while I do come across so polite and selfless people that I have to sit back and think what and how it just happened? It takes me back, with so much surprise that all my mind asks is, “How was this person so nice? And more importantly, Why?”

It doesn’t matter if the person is helpful of not, all it matters is the intention of that person. Most people have just forgot to be simply nice.

Modern Aunts!

Ever wondered, why people are the way they are?

Why do they behave in the manner they do?

Being selfish is important in this world, I think that is very much common to here now, but how far can one go, and even when at someone else’s cost.

Telling someone off, but isn’t it necessary to peep inside your own soul first rather than criticising someone else.

*

All these questions bother my mind now because of a friend. She called me up to relieve herself from all that she had gone through in the last hour when she was with her friends and families.

“Why are you so upset?”

The answer is always an aunt in our case, an Indian aunt who is always bothered and interested in someone else’s business.

So here my friend was coolly being the host at her place, celebrating her parents’ marriage anniversary, when this modern, beautiful, charismatic, wealthy aunt comes and flaunts literally everything, from her shoes to the gifts that she brought.

Okay, I know we all must have had such aunts! I do too.

Then came the general small talks, what came next was what my friend was not prepared for.

“So when do you think your daughter should marry? I have a guy in my mind.” There is always a guy in these aunts’ mind.

“I am still studying. I am doing my post-graduation now. I want to work after this.”

“Oh no, I think post-graduation is enough. After that you have to marry.”

All this while her parents just glorying beside her.

The aunt was still not satisfied, “Even this is too much. I think parents should start finding prospective husbands for their daughters when they are about to complete their graduation. That is the exact time, I guess.”

“Yeah you guess!!! Then I hope the next year you are planning to find a perfect husband for your daughter too. Isn’t she completing her graduation then?” screaming in rage my friend forgot that she was the host.

And of course she got a big eye gaze from her parents, and the disgusted look from that aunt, but nothing else mattered. Her mood was spoilt, and so was that aunt’s. Well, post the celebration, she also got a good one from her dad, but what was she to do? Listen to other’s beliefs and commands?

Is it not on her and her parents as to how much to study, where to work, when to marry? As it is it is difficult to convince parents for education and working before marriage; don’t even let me start on post marriage scenarios. And here, these aunts!!

Like literally, how many of them are there?

And you know what that aunt replied to her parents? “No, my daughter is going to study after her graduation; I am in no hurry to marry her off. It’s her life; she’ll see what to do. She is different.”

As if my friend’s life is not hers.

What gave her the right to do so?

*

All I can say is my friend could have kept the temper and replaced it with sarcasm; apart from that I am with her. And I don’t care about speaking up to elders or disrespecting a guest if such was the case.

*

And for the record, her parents are considering their decision to ‘allow’ her to pursue her higher studies.

So cheers to these ‘modern aunts’.

Allowed?

I have a Marathi friend whom I recently wished ‘Gudi Padwa’. It is their beginning of New Year just as some of us celebrate in on 31st December. I texted him my heartiest wishes with all the warmth in my heart, being the excited one that I am. And all I got in return was ‘I hope you have an amazing year ahead, but I am not allowed to celebrate this year.’

I then got to know that his old grandmother passed away a few months ago and he could not celebrate let alone enjoy any of the functions for a year as the custom says.

Oaky, most of us go through this and have to abide by the rules but then something still strikes me hard. First of all the very word ‘Allowed’ shakes my nerves to the core. I mean why would someone have to be allowed to do anything? He or she has his own life and should he not have the freedom to decide what he/she wants do.

So it is customary to mourn of a year? But what if the person is yet not out of the mournful period and not want to celebrate life? What I believe is mourn as much as you want, until you have moved on. One may not want to celebrate anything even after a long year because he or she still misses the beloved. One might still want to celebrate even if a year has not passed away, the reason may be he was not close to the person, he was happy that the person was free at last from the tortures of the hospital and the old age, or even that he has simply moved on with life. The person had to go and he could not stop him. But then what stops him from celebrating life? Just customs and beliefs.

My friend here did love his grandmother but she was pretty old and the last few days were too troublesome for her, for any of us to go through the pains and when at last she passed away everyone was sad but then nothing could have been done. So they mourned and finally moved on.

But the sad part was they did not celebrate festivals just to portray to the other society members they cared enough.

I am not saying what they should have done. Many people still believe into many rituals and if they are fine with it then why not, but all I felt sorry for was because they did all this, went through all the troubles for a whole year just to prove to somebody else, our dear society.

My friend wanted to desperately celebrate his new year, for it is the only thing that mattered to him, after of course his birthday but sadly he did not only because he was not ‘allowed’ to celebrate the day.

Get a life

I met this guy a few days back…

I do not know what you would conclude after the first line but I wouldn’t just jump up to the conclusion that I like this guy or I want something to do with him; but apparently I live in a kind of society where when a girl talks to a man in a friendly manner he has to be ‘something more than a friend’.

I am not the kind of person who would blend easily but once I am comfortable one could be my really good friend in a couple of days and this happened with this person. So I met him and we really connected, I mean we like each other’s company; at least I think that ways and hence we have been spending too much time together. My family doesn’t seem to have any problems and neither does his but seemingly the ‘society’ has. People have been passing lewd comments on us and have made it almost intolerable for me to listen to them.

I simply do not care about people but there is a point after which it just gets into your nerves and you want them to go get a life. I mean even if he is my boyfriend why is it such an issue to the people around? I am truly humiliated in a past couple of days by the ways people have been talking about me and these are the times when I regret staying in India.