Tag Archives: tired

The Next Morning!

I was glaring at the TV in the dark, my vision unclear, blurred, I hardly knew what channel was switched on and I couldn’t possibly care less. I kept it on, on bearable volume only to feel myself accompanied.

 

I was slouched beside my study table, beside which the balcony door stood ajar, supported by the wall behind. There was the novel kept in front of me, that I was reading but I hardly remembered what was it about. All I could see were the tree leaves wavering outside, and all I could think of was, … wait, I could hardly think straight. No I could think of nothing, simply nothing.

 

I shifted in my seat, making myself more uncomfortable, instead of providing a little comfort. My leg was twisted and I could feel the slightest of pain then. But I did not twitch. I enjoyed the pain for a while, then when I was comfortable again, I simply did it again, bring the pain back, just for the sake of doing it, this time with my hands, and my fingers. My finger nails, digging down in my palms, and yet I could feel nothing; nope, not in a slightest. I guess all the drinks were playing their game then, making me numb. I smiled, and why? I had no idea about that.

 

My phone started buzzing, vibrating, and it was irritating me, the noise, the feeling. I fumbled to take it out of my pocket and cancelled the call. It was my friend. I knew what she would say, “You can talk to me” and I also knew that if I “talked” she would put on her earphones and all the while keep texting or playing some game and in the end she would very easily divert the topic, make it all about herself, and cut the call. I didn’t need that then!! No!!

 

It started vibrating again. My head was so full, it ached so much that I gripped my hair into my hands trying to just tear the pain apart. I just increased my pain. Furiously, I picked up the phone, mumbled something, which I really did not give a thought on and cut the call.

 

I sat there till late in the night. I don’t remember the time; I don’t even remember what exactly I was doing till then, what was I thinking about. All I remember is slowly walking or rather dragging myself towards my bed, and falling off to a deep sleep with the TV turned on.

 

And so I woke up the next morning with the same things I had gone to sleep with, a numbing pain, a throbbing head, and a dizzy mind, and yeah, not to forget the TV turned on.

I Am Done!

I am done.

I am done trying to prove myself,

I am done trying to make myself heard.

I am done trying to prioritize others,

I am done listening to those others,

I am done trying to fit in,

I am done fighting for every little thing,

I am done dealing with those emotions,

I am done with all the toxic potion,

I am simply done with it all,

Now, I simply don’t care, like me or not.

 

I Am Tired!!

I am literally tired right now, not only mentally but also physically. My mind and my body fail to work anymore. I do not even wish to move a little bit more, even a very little to get what I want. I am at a point where I will just let it go, if anything has to go. I am simply tired.

Some might say that may be if I do not lose hope right now, if I do not let things go, maybe there is a possibility that I might get it right around the corner. Well, may be yes and may be no. I don’t even want to know the answer.

I am not losing hope, hope is what keeps us alive, I just do not want to wait and be restless any longer.

I am happy right here, with what I have and how I am.

What’s wrong with being content?

As of now, with my being exhausted and weary, I am spoiling myself, pampering with all the tasty food and loads of sleep, with cups and cups of coffee and books, with zero thoughts and a big reasonless smile. (The last time I did that I gained 10kgs, let’s see what happens this time 😉 )

And that is how I am awfully drained and yet content.

A little Expedition #5

It took me almost 15 days to roughly do some of the arrangements and yet the bride is left with various other shopping. But now that everything else is fixed from the themes, and menu and the bride’s entry and the reception details, I finally booked my return tickets much to my cousin’s despair.

Honestly speaking, one more day here and I could lose my temper now and all the fake smiles and polite answers would be thrown in the dust. And now I literally dread the wedding. If she has become this crazy one month in advance, I don’t know how she is going to behave on the day of her wedding.

But for now I am just glad to return to my home where I can lie peacefully without worrying about some random demand out of the blue.

My return journey was quite the contrary to my previous one, with little adventure in it, and I was happy about it too. I could not deal with it probably being so drenched and out of patience. So with two different connecting flights bouncing and jerking over the turbulent weather, and a local train, I reached my home, to a peaceful environment after a long time.

My mom greeted me with the best of food which I was missing for long now and putting the November wedding out of my mind for now.

Crazy Sunday!

Sunday morning, beautiful weather outside, cool and calm air caressing you, a good book in hand, a warm cup of coffee.

Anything wrong with that? Nope, sounds just perfect. But a perfect day was just not for me.

Instead I decided to be the good girl, and sat with my books to study. I had been delaying it for quite some time now, so there I sat with books in front of me, the lovely weather outside tempting me every five minutes. I resisted the temptation, telling myself that I will enjoy this perfect setting in the evening.

So I studied till lunch time, had a delicious home-made lunch, and then was just trying to set that perfect scenery, I got the book that I was reading, placed the chair beside the window in the balcony, opened the giant windows, and was just about to get that cup of coffee, when..!

When I got a call.

My initial instinct told me not to pick up the call, because that call on a Sunday meant nothing but work!

I picked up anyway, and ended up with a meeting of about an hour.

Sounds fair! So I can come back in an hour and start with that perfect setting, I told myself.

I got ready for that meeting in fifteen minutes within which I had managed to fix myself with another meeting with some clients.

Okay, now I have two meetings? That’s okay, its 3:30 and I can still come home by 6 max.

And then finally, I realised putting off stuff isn’t any good. I shouldn’t have put off that reading session.

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As always, I was kept waiting everywhere, and I managed to complete both the meetings by late in the evening, well it wasn’t even evening anymore when I got out of the place. It was 9 o’ clock and pretty dark.

So I drove home, ate my dinner in silence, with my head throbbing all the while. I was so tired and drenched (Just two meetings, right? Was I over-reacting?), I did not wish to do anything; even the TV had nothing to help with.

Working on a Sunday? Really, why? Why did I agree? That shouldn’t even be a thing! Working Sunday as a concept should be removed from our mind-set.

 

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That is when my dad stepped up, he took me out for a long drive, we stopped for a drink, (a mocktail, of course) and then we drove around a little bit, hardly talking to each other, with soft music playing all the while. Oh my God, that feeling, I cannot simply express how I felt at that moment. It was so soothing.

And then he simply said, “We should do this, more often.”

Oh of course, we should.

PS: Apart from the reading, I also missed being the crazy questionnaire to my mom, over that mythology show. Hoping for that to happen on the upcoming Sunday, but then it’s a week away!

Drowning

i am woman in a large glass box that is slowly but steadily filling with water covering my feet my ankles my knees padlocks of my own design keep me trapped in this watery prison the opaque panels block me from view murals painted with images of my placid face doing routine things deceive the […]

via Drowning — Brave and Reckless