Tag Archives: trying

Fallen To This New Level!

 

I have fallen to this new stature

Cause, I have sat and done

Absolutely nothing despite being all alone.

 

I sat and stared

Stared at the dark wall,

Giving away ramifications of my past.

 

I sat; sat and stared at

I don’t know what,

Giving away only darkness.

 

I looked on at the wall

Thinking and rethinking

About I don’t even know what.

 

I have fallen to a new level

Cause I didn’t even realize

When the time ticked by

And it was no more the day,

I started thinking on.

 

I have fallen to this new level

Where I don’t even understand anything,

Where I have stopped feeling some things.

 

I sit and stare and think

Trying hard, very hard,

to only cry a very bit.

 

But I fathom,

I have fallen to a very new level

Where even crying seems to have

Gone away with a new fling

Drying my soul, not letting it brim.

 

I have fallen to this new depth this time

Cause I don’t even realize where I am.

Or how to climb up,

Or swim away.

Cause this time I don’t even reckon myself.

Cause this time, I don’t feel anything.

I sit and stare and think and the time keeps ticking

Trying to realize what I am even thinking,

But all I gather is I am at a new depth,

And now it is difficult to even keep climbing.

Difficult to even keep swimming.

 

I have fallen

And I keep falling,

I have drowned,

And I keep drowning.

I find a new level of

Nothingness,

Meaninglessness.

And I question myself

Where am I?

 

*

Never been good with poems, never been a poet. This is just a vain attempt as always, and as all my previous attempts to try and write in as limited words as possible, and to express as far and as truthfully I can.

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Truth.

Ernest Hemingway once said, “All you have to do is write one true sentence, and then go on from there.”

I want truth today, anything, sad, happy, good, bad, anything- just truth. What is your truth today?

I want to listen today.

My truth at the moment will be something like this-

“Some days I am a Goddess,

Some days I am wild child,

And some days I am a fragile mess.

Most days I am a bit of all three.

But every day I am here, trying.”

Do share your thoughts, your truth, it could be anything, your thoughts, your story, what you are going through now, anything…

As I said I want to listen…

 

 

 

 

Extrovert?

Just a few days back I re blogged a post on being introvert and extrovert and this brought something to my attention. A friend of mine read that and stated me to be an extrovert. Well, had he known me a few years back his opinion would have been completely different.

This friend he is the most, sweetest and the humblest person that I have known recently and the fact that he called himself to be an introvert and me to be an extrovert was just his perception. For me I am yet a person trying to evolve. A few years back I was a person who was silly and shy, who would not talk to anyone unless she knows them personally, who would rather sit home the entire day rather than party outside, who would just say a ‘hi’ and sit back.

I cannot say I have changed completely but I can accept the fact that I have tried to be a better person, be it as an introvert or an extrovert. And the fact that someone thinks I am an extrovert trying to achieve something; that I am somebody, a person capable of doing something made my day.

I have just one thing to say, “I was trying, I am trying and I will keep trying till I do not lose faith and people like him keep encouraging me to be the person I am and the person I should be.”

Well, thanks to this person for being one of the most amazing guys I have ever known. I know he is going to read this and ping me instantly on whatsapp, so here I am waiting for your message Mr. Harsh Bhayani.

Big cheers to our friendship.

 

Improving oneself

I know, we all want to be perfect, at least I want to be but unfortunately we are all not born seamless and impeccable. Unlike some who are always unsurpassed at almost everything, at least at things where they want to be consummate and matchless; some people like me have to strive and struggle for being just above the level, just overhead the average line. I think few people would relate to this.

I honestly have never been best at anything. I have always had to work hard really hard to prove myself even at the simplest things. A very petty example would be to increase my vocabulary in English, and I have to say that I had taken a small step towards it i.e. solving puzzles. I do this often starting at the base, I wouldn’t even mind if I had to start at Grade 1 of anything if that makes me good at something and why not? It is for my own benefit.

I think that this rather helps me enhancing myself. I know I am not perfect but why not take a tiny step towards it and cherish the journey rather than wining about not being the no 1?

I agree I am not no 1 but I am undeniably not the last. I am somewhere in the midst trying to pull myself out of the utter scuffle between being the best and being the loser. I am trying to improve myself.