Tag Archives: women empowerment

The Glorious Madness.

Like a cloud of fire

I soar a little higher

In the burning light

Of that sadistic sun.

Sinking-rising-

Burning the golden lightening

In the broad of daylight.

He fears not-

Throwing the silver arrows and spheres

In the dawn- quite clear

The dusk, a little dear

He springs, trying to cut my wings

Amidst the shade of rainbows- I hide

Unwanted- unbidden

Not to shed a tear

But only to gather my very madness.

He knows not what I am

A cruel, blithe spirit

Rejoicing in the love that I bore

That from my lips would flow

And so like a lonely cloud of fire

I soar a little higher

Ignoring the fountain of pain

Basking in the glory of triumphant gain.

 

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I Smile.

I burn my body to ashes

But my conscience savors and yearns

I rot amidst my own ashes

But my soul transpires beyond the patriarchal tavern.

 

I burn and I smile

Beyond my submissive rage

For I have no dreams

Only a small selfish realm.

 

I burn and I smile

Even from my ashes, when he rise

Drowning me beneath my own existence

Setting my red hair- aflame.

 

I burn and I smile

From among the quivering ashes

Subsiding, submerging- dying

O God- Can I please cease the smile?

 

 

Picture Credits: coub.com

 

Deep Blue Pajamas.

 

I am not a morning person

But then again I am barely even a person,

But since I am not a morning person

And when I am forced to leave my warm smothered bed

I cringe and cry

Not wanting to rise.

I shed off all my dreams

When suddenly, my alarm screams

And as soon as my feet touch the floor,

My mother rushes in, thrashing the door.

“We have guests at our place, and I need milk!”

“So?” I want to show some fury.

I do not say a word

Instead rush to the kitchen

To get my morning drug.

“Please, you can have coffee once you come back,

I need milk and some bread before that.”

I give her a look

Morning without a coffee

Is barely morning at all

And since I am not a morning person

It makes me furious after all.

 

In a deep blue pair of pajamas

And a plane tank top

A lost rough bun, with loose strands on my careless face

I grab the keys to my vehicle

And leave, muttering under my breath

“Who goes to someone’s place at this hour?”

 

I am barely awake

What with an early morning

And no coffee-

 

 

And so I am in a hurry

More of a hurry for a cup of coffee

Than of furnishing the breakfast for our guests.

“Yeah, go on judge me” I say out aloud

To no one in particular.

And since its early morning

Not many shops have even opened

The supermarket is still closed too,

And I roam about in my effort to find some place

That will provide me with the needed!

Breakfast!

“Why can’t they just drink a coffee and be done with it instead?”

I could have made all kinds,

Even tea

All kinds.

But our guests had to have breakfast

And we had to finish all our bread the previous day.

And so I drive around in a chirpy and yet quite morning

Warm and yet a cool morning.

I remember suddenly, the bakery!

And I rush there.

There is a small grocery store beside it too

Thankfully!

Finally! Both of them have started their day

And very soon I have the needed

A carton of milk,

And a packet of bread,

And I am driving home.

 

I am not the best of drivers

Least when it comes to cars,

But I drive my Honda Dio pretty well.

Over the decade of driving two wheelers

I have had the knack of balancing and rushing

Without being a sneaker.

And so at the speed of 30-40 on a empty lane

I am driving and enjoying the beautiful morning arcane.

When finally my stubbornness is over the fact

That I had to wake up and rush about for others

It starts drizzling,

And then pouring

And then consistently raining!

Now, as usual I am again grumpy

Just when I was adjusting

All fell again crumbling.

What choice do I have

Either I get late for the entire day

Or I get drenched

And finally start my day!

I chose the latter.

 

Now, rains are not my favorite part

“What did I say?”

“I don’t like rains?”

“Are you mad?”

Now, don’t get me wrong

Rains are needed

Beautiful too-

But I am more of a reality person

And rains always have been to me burden.

What with the puddles and the potholes

The overflowing murky water

And the atmosphere, a constant rotter.

But since I am doing everything against my own will

I keep driving

I keep drenching

And begin somehow, to enjoy

The morning chill.

Who cares- about how I look

I am probably just a black and white sketchbook.

It is early in the morning

And there is no one around

For the days aborning.

And so I let myself soak,

And the cool breeze, float.

 

The rains have prevented

The one or two early risers

Leaving the day isolated and scented

With only one or two miners

 

I am driving back home,

All too careful, not to skid

When an Enfield comes and skits inches away from me.

The me, that always finds mistakes in myself

Cringes and slows down

Only to realize that the gawky man has turned around.

I am still away from home

And the street is empty-

 

I drive away.

He drives away!

 

A little while later

I notice the Royal Enfield again

And I want to take off

Just like a rocket plain.

I speed

He speeds

I have a Honda Dio

He has a Royal Enfield.

I stick to the extreme left,

Giving him the entire road,

Its raining and I don’t want to cause some explode.

And yet he drives centimeters away from me

And my heart thumps as if

He was on the verge of thrashing me.

He slows down fairly just a little ahead of me

And then I slow down too

Thinking how to flee.

I keep forgetting I am drenched,

My tank top stuck to me,

And my pajamas are defining my legs, carefree.

He is not bothered by my driving skills

But he is amazed by a woman’s drenched frills.

He finds me enticing

And he has nothing better to do

On a morning that is so surprising.

 

The clouds have grown darker

The rains heavier

And I can barely see the road’s departure,

But I have to find an exit now!

And I have to get home- NOW!!

 

And so with sheer force

I speed my vehicle

Zigzagging against the course

Noticing his face, unbelievable.

Oh, what a psychopath

He whistles at my expertise

But diverts his path

And I breathe, a sigh of relief.

 

And then I am no mood of fury,

Or any agony,

Not for the fact that I had an early morning,

Not for the uninvited guests

And not for the Royal Enfield.

It was just as normal, just as mundane-

Nothing was new

Not the woman’s bane.

It was just mandatory

Because if you are a woman

Sexuality was your only glory.

 

I sped home,

Indeed like a rocket plane

And then somehow my deep blue pants

Had turned even a deeper shade.

But I didn’t care

For nothing was new

And so I went to the kitchen

And poured the coffee, due.

 

 

The Mystical Pishogue #2

I am fierce

I am wild

I am an emblem of self-implied exile.

 

I am aggressive

I am saucy

I am an insignia of selfishly haughty.

 

I am bold

I am vain

I am an image of disdain.

 

I am dominant

I am arrogant

I am yet, a metaphor of a self-loathing Samaritan.

 

I am malicious

I am viciously uncompassionate

I am of all these, a conglomerate.

 

I am I

I am what I am

A phony fable in a flesh.

 

I am I

I am what I am

A conceited allegory in oneself.

 

Her another shade of mystery here: The Mystical Pishogue.

His torturous existence.

I am a woman

And by default I have a best friend.

I met ‘him’ at a tender age,

When I was 14

And for everyone I knew

I was already late.

When the first time I called my friend ‘him’

I was frowned upon.

“It is she, my dear! It is only your chance.”

But I didn’t want that chance, you know.

Who would want a friend

Who comes unannounced

At all the wrong times

When you plan to go for a swim

Or have a dance show

Or better yet

When you already have 10 different aches,

Who would want a friend that will just add another set of pains?

But there I was, at 14

And just because I ticked the box ‘Female’

I had a best friend,

Who would be with me till times inane.

And so I complied,

Now, if I have to have him inside my body every month

Why not make the best of it?

So, every month I would cry

When he would enter me

And I’d simply shy

Wouldn’t know how to walk-

Did he make everyone this uncomfortable?

Or was I the only one who would feel as a

Combustible?

So I would sit and complain,

I can’t go out

I am not well

And I just want to sit and read and eat and sleep and rest-

My excuses were never enough,

For I was a woman

And people were after equality

So it didn’t matter

And so I had to plaster a smile

Even when my cramps would let in no air.

As time went by,

My best friend became consistent,

Ever month, after almost 35 days

He’d visit me

And make me want to become a man.

“Why did he not have any pain?” I’d wonder.

But then if ‘he’ was the one giving me so much pain

How could he himself accustom to such cruel gain.

I call him

And every man, and woman would cringe-

But come on, it has to be a ‘him’

Who else would think of harassing a woman

The likes of this-

If it weren’t for a ‘him’?

It can only be a him

Who gives me such a headache,

Who makes me a throbbing backache?

Who makes my walking difficult,

With his unwanted intrusion,

Who makes my stomach bloat

Who takes away from my own body, my very own blood,

Who makes me consistently wet

And pains me with his very existence!

Of course it has to be a ‘him’-

Its name itself involves ‘Men-‘

Of course it has to be a him-

Ladies, at least must agree,

But then we live in a conventional society

Where talking about being wet is grimaced upon,

Let alone the talk of staining your pants,

Shhhhhhhh—-

You are making it very clear, woman

Stop talking!

We are at the point where we fight for equality

And you saying these things

Isn’t helping

You are a woman

And you just have to live with your best friend.

And so I tell myself

I am a woman,

As if I didn’t know so far

And since I am a woman

I will just have to live with it.

As if I could literally do anything about it!

And so I make sure that I carry ‘things’ with myself

Everywhere,

Carefully hiding it from the men’s stare.

God forbid they know

What we go through.

Let alone ‘him’ being the only reason we go through.

Then comes the choice of colors of my dresses

Where I will make sure to avoid

The white and lights

When I will somehow know

That ‘he’ is going to visit me.

And then suddenly I will have to cancel all the fun plans

Only because I am not up for it,

And my mood is so unreliable

That I will hate even myself

But I still go and work just as such

For I am a woman,

And that is just a part of me.

That ‘him’ is just a part of me.

And just suddenly, because I am the one inviting problems,

I will have the unknowing urge to visit a temple,

Why?

I am not even that religious

But just because I am not “allowed”

I want to go in-

And I will somehow land up at my relatives place

Where again I am not ‘allowed’ to

Sit on the sofa

On the bed

Or eat just as naturally.

For I am dirty on those days

And I just don’t love it.

But then again I am a woman,

And that is how I am ‘suppose’ to be.

My friend will come and visit

That is by default-

In my system-

And I will have to just live with it.

I don’t have a choice.

‘He’ is just a part of me.

And just like all other men

He is just another sour ache on my body,

My mind

Straining my life with his very existence.

 

A Scarlet Woman.

With hidden aches

With pasted smiles

She pretends to shy.

 

With muffled gags

With screaming moans

She feigns to have her mind blown.

 

Biting the bullet

Her body, sold-

She attempts at being dignified

Rendering herself to be bold!

 

An Unwilling Bouzouki

Sitting on chairs in proper alignment

It seems a long ago, when we students were huddled about,

Celebrating India’s independence was the days’ requirement

Making our English teacher proud.

 

Constantly, we had chided and pleased

To do something else as a substitute to teach,

We did it often, played adventures

Making memories after memories to one-day treasure.

 

She decided she’d ask a question to the vibrant youth

To which we would answer with sheer truth.

With defined wisdom she asked

“How will you want to see your country at long last?”

 

The question she asked was very simple

But it created in my mind a momentary ripple.

I raced with my newest friend, over thinking

Sitting there paralyzed, unblinking.

 

Speaking up in front of people was never my thing

And so I sat there; to time clinging, worshipping,

But we were only thirty students

And I persistently fought against my prudence.

 

Smiling, nodding I heard what my friends had to say

Pondering, how meaningful answers they had their way,

From eradication of poverty to building roads

To making luxury cheaper- their thoughts flowed.

 

And in less than forty minutes I was called on stage

When all I wanted to do was hide in a cage,

What is my favorite teacher going to think about my dumb thoughts

But still I erased blank, and joined the dots.

 

With face turned hot, ears red

I held the mike, but my lips dead.

I gathered myself, blinked and blurted

What my teacher thought- was the secret of my being introverted.

 

“If I live to be an old maiden

I want myself in the world (not country) to reawaken,

I want kindness; I want honesty and no chaos

I want peace; I want beauty and no havoc.

 

I fumbled; I fidgeted and put the mike down

Ashamed, I got down feeling like a clown,

I went to my seat, hiding my face

Wanting the few minutes to retrace.

 

Up until then I hadn’t herd

The deadening applause,

And so I sulked deeper amidst the nerds

For such words, I thought definitely had no cause.

 

Years from that day, I stand by those words

But if only I could change my verse,

Or better still I could have at least tried

To say everything for which my heart cried.

 

That day is gone

But I have a little strength now,

I have a little word play drawn

Perhaps, you’d tap with the button ‘Allow’.

 

If I live to be an old maiden

I want myself in the world (not country) to reawaken,

I’d love to see so many blessed things happen

That life itself would feel like a welcoming wagon.

 

If only I could find things a little different

My little sister would have taken birth for starters,

Or I wouldn’t have to be constantly belligerent

Being an orthodox Indian daughter.

 

I wouldn’t have to go to an all-girls school

Fearing boys and all the various rules.

Comparing myself to those who didn’t even go to school

I should have felt my life a little less cruel.

 

I’d want my grandmother to give me a kiss

For I never knew that bliss,

Or for my uncle to not give me that stare

For it was mortifying, I swear.

 

I’d want for no one to give me an eye

When I say I don’t want to learn cooking,

I’ll have different means to fly

Than just making all kinds of pudding.

 

I’d want a life where my mom does not persistently say

When you get married please take care of your husband,

Darling, you are not suppose to go astray

For your in-laws will have us trusted.

 

I’d want a life when I wouldn’t have to think some things

Like what can I study, so they never cut my wings,

Or how will I mange so many responsibilities

Work-husband-in-laws-kids-kitchen- a trillion little things.

 

I’d want a life where everything will not be ‘my’ duty

And I won’t have to be an absolute bouzouki,

Yes I’ll want peace and love and no havoc

I’ll want kindness, honesty and no mental chaos.

 

I’ll want a life where I consistently don’t have to remember

That I am a woman and somehow, somewhere I have to surrender,

I’ll want a life where I don’t want to stand in front of the mirror

And see incessantly how from him I differ.

 

Today, I have a little strength, a little clarity

So, please allow me to speak my dwarfish insanity,

If I live to be an old maiden

This is how I’ll want to end my cadence.

 

*

PS: Do tell me if I have started saying the same things again and again, and if my words have started being mundane!